Author Topic: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"  (Read 15064 times)

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Ceallach

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #30 on: May 12, 2008, 10:13:37 PM »
You know, I kind of wonder if this assumption is actually sort of complimentary.  There are many smokers whose habit is obvious - their clothes and cars permanently stink, and they are continually rushing outside for their next fix.  This is the case even with many of the nice, polite people who smoke!  Then of course there are the even ruder breeds who smoke in people's faces etc.

I know smokers who aren't like this, who smell nice (not that yukky smell of tobacco inadequately covered with breathmints either!)  and who many people don't know smoke because they are subtle about it. 

If somebody is surprised to hear that you're a smoker, it might be that they are impressed that you manage to do so in such a considerate manner, not that they are thinking less of you. If I were a smoker, I'd prefer to be in that category and know that my efforts to be polite about it are working! 

But as a non-smoker, my interpretation may be off.   :-) 
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Shoo

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2008, 01:01:26 PM »
Sorry, but I think it is way off. I don't find it complimentary at all, even if it is meant that way. While there are many smokers out there who are unhappy about the fact that they can't quit, there are just as many who are perfectly happy as smokers. This "compliment" is implying that non-smokers are better than smokers.

Nah.  Well, okay, yeah.  Inasmuch as people who don't smell bad are better than people who do smell bad.  And by better, I mean better smelling.  That's all it means.  Reading more into it will only aggravate you.

Brentwood

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #32 on: May 13, 2008, 01:35:39 PM »
Many people who find out that I am an ex-smoker express incredulity that I was ever smoker. "I can't imagine YOU ever smoking!" they say.

I'm not exactly a crusader for a smoke-free world; in fact, I rarely mention smoking at all unless it's germane to the situation. I don't know why so many people are shocked that I smoked. I did. I smoked for the better part of 15 years (I quit during my pregnancy with Kayla).

I quit smoking cold turkey and for good ten years ago (the last time I smoked was June 30, 1998), in part because I was ready and in part because my husband and I wanted to have children together and I wanted to be smoke-free before we began that project. Mr. F followed my lead six weeks later, and my brother-in-law not long after that. We no longer have any smokers at our family gatherings.

GertrudeMcFuzz

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #33 on: May 14, 2008, 12:00:51 AM »
You know, I kind of wonder if this assumption is actually sort of complimentary.  There are many smokers whose habit is obvious - their clothes and cars permanently stink, and they are continually rushing outside for their next fix.  This is the case even with many of the nice, polite people who smoke!  Then of course there are the even ruder breeds who smoke in people's faces etc.

I know smokers who aren't like this, who smell nice (not that yukky smell of tobacco inadequately covered with breathmints either!)  and who many people don't know smoke because they are subtle about it. 

If somebody is surprised to hear that you're a smoker, it might be that they are impressed that you manage to do so in such a considerate manner, not that they are thinking less of you. If I were a smoker, I'd prefer to be in that category and know that my efforts to be polite about it are working! 

But as a non-smoker, my interpretation may be off.   :-) 

Sorry, but I think it is way off. I don't find it complimentary at all, even if it is meant that way. While there are many smokers out there who are unhappy about the fact that they can't quit, there are just as many who are perfectly happy as smokers. This "compliment" is implying that non-smokers are better than smokers.

To paraphrase something said to me in another thread about another issue...coming across people who are considerate smokers and/or don't reek of smoke is so rare these days, why wouldn't you take it as a compliment?

This board seems to have a lot of considerate smokers. At least 75% of the smokers who post here claim to always use ashtrays or "field strip" their cigarette butts and carry them until they get home. I've never known a smoker IRL who does this; in fact, I see lots of examples of inconsiderate smokers around me. (Latest example is the cable repairman who stepped outside to his truck three times "to get something," came back in blowing a cloud of smoke through my door each time, and left his three used butts in my grass.)

So I have never expressed surprise when learning someone was a smoker, but I have thought the words a couple of times. It would most definitely be a compliment if I said it, though.

FunkyMunky

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #34 on: May 14, 2008, 12:58:41 AM »

I don't know if they did or not, but they were going to make it illegal here for anyone to smoke in their car if there were children in the vehicle.

The only exception I would make to this is if someone you live with is made ill by the smoke you shouldn't smoke inside even if it is your home/car.  I am sure that you would be like my mom in this situation not my niece’s stepmom.  My dad has lung problems and so mom smokes outside. My niece has an allergy to cigarette smoke and every week she comes back to her mom's congested and sick with her face all swollen because her stepmom refuses to smoke outside and smokes in the car with the kids. She misses school at least 2 Mondays a month because she is so sick after her dad's weekends because of the smoke.


That's endangering her health. I personally would try to ensure that she was not exposed to cigarette smoke, or that she wasn't sent to her stepmother's house. There must be something someone can do to stop that.

TaylorMade

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #35 on: May 14, 2008, 04:51:28 AM »

So I have never expressed surprise when learning someone was a smoker, but I have thought the words a couple of times. It would most definitely be a compliment if I said it, though.

I'm trying to find a good way to explain myself, but I fear I will do it badly anyway, so I apologize in advance if this doesn't make any sense. There are some smokers (not all, but some) who enjoy being smokers and are not the slightest bit ashamed of being one. They have no intentions of quitting, and while they may not provide the information at the drop of a hat "nice to meet you, my name's Jen and I'm a smoker" they are certainly not trying to hide it. If someone was to say they are suprised that I'm a smoker, I would wonder why they are surprised. What does a smoker look like? Who are the smokers? Are they the people with yellow hands, yellow teeth, and wrinkles around their mouths, who cough up a lung sprinting for the bus?

Maybe I feel this way because in my mind, I think the expression of surprise in itself is perpetuating all the negative stereotypes about smokers. Kind of like "All smokers are- stinky, unhealthy, inconsiderate......., and you're not those things, so how could you be a smoker?"

I hope that makes a little sense. I confess I'm having a hard time expressing my distaste for the expression, but I hope that gives a little perspective on my opinion.

I agree with what you are saying and was trying to come up with a post to say the same thing, but I can't find the right words to explain myself.  It somehow seems that I should be ashamed (not the right word I really want to say) of my smoking and that by complimenting me you are saying "I know you have this awful habit, but boy, you sure hide it well"

ChristiKayAnn

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #36 on: May 14, 2008, 11:45:15 AM »

I don't know if they did or not, but they were going to make it illegal here for anyone to smoke in their car if there were children in the vehicle.

The only exception I would make to this is if someone you live with is made ill by the smoke you shouldn't smoke inside even if it is your home/car.  I am sure that you would be like my mom in this situation not my niece’s stepmom.  My dad has lung problems and so mom smokes outside. My niece has an allergy to cigarette smoke and every week she comes back to her mom's congested and sick with her face all swollen because her stepmom refuses to smoke outside and smokes in the car with the kids. She misses school at least 2 Mondays a month because she is so sick after her dad's weekends because of the smoke.


That's endangering her health. I personally would try to ensure that she was not exposed to cigarette smoke, or that she wasn't sent to her stepmother's house. There must be something someone can do to stop that.

Well she won't be going to her dad's again until school is out for the summer, because she can't miss anymore school this year without risking being held back. She has been out all week because dad, stepmom, and stepbrother were all sick with colds this weekend and between that and the smoke she caught a pretty bad cold.  Poor thing is just miserable. I just hope this doesn't turn to pnuemonia again like it did in January. Her dad quit smoking because of that but her stepmom just smokes more out of spite.

littleoats

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #37 on: May 14, 2008, 03:55:53 PM »

What exactly does a smoker look like?

 ???



Yellow, wrinkly, not unlike an egyptian mummy.  Oh wait, maybe that's just my mother.

Seriously though, I'd take it as a compliment.  They're saying you don't stink and you're not prematurely aged plus there's an implication that you're too smart to do a stupid thing like smoke.

BethanyAnne

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #38 on: May 14, 2008, 05:08:21 PM »
Some states have actually proposed no smoking in personal cars due to dangers while driving. I see more people talking on cell phones while driving than smoking.

I'll be the first to tell you that I would be racking up the tickets on this one. I would tell any cop who says something to me about it oo, I have been smoking and driving since I got my license and have yet to get into an accident. Until the government starts to pay my car note then they have no right to tell me I can't smoke in my car. They can give me the ticket but it will not be a deterrent.

I don't completely agree with that. While yes, I do believe that you should be able to smoke in your car, I would never get in a car again if the government backed off completely about what one can do while driving. I do believe someone posted once about a woman driving erratically behind her and pulled over to let her pass. The woman was knitting while driving!

DiamondGirl

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #39 on: May 14, 2008, 05:11:57 PM »
Some states have actually proposed no smoking in personal cars due to dangers while driving. I see more people talking on cell phones while driving than smoking.

I'll be the first to tell you that I would be racking up the tickets on this one. I would tell any cop who says something to me about it oo, I have been smoking and driving since I got my license and have yet to get into an accident. Until the government starts to pay my car note then they have no right to tell me I can't smoke in my car. They can give me the ticket but it will not be a deterrent.

I don't completely agree with that. While yes, I do believe that you should be able to smoke in your car, I would never get in a car again if the government backed off completely about what one can do while driving. I do believe someone posted once about a woman driving erratically behind her and pulled over to let her pass. The woman was knitting while driving!

While I agree they shouldn't back off entirely, it's different when they try to ban smoking. I think that is more because smokers feel like we have so few places where we can smoke. I'll be the first to admit while I try to be a considerate smoker, I don't always succeed. I will always ask if anyone minds if I smoke, while outdoors and no one else is smoking, but until I joined this forum I thought of the ground as my own personal ashtray. I'll admit that even as late as this morning, while driving to work I flicked my completed cigarette out the window and only after it left my hand did I think oh Crud I shouldn't have done that. I'm trying to get better but I think when it comes to that the gov. should just leave us be in our own cars.

BethanyAnne

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #40 on: May 14, 2008, 05:18:55 PM »
Some states have actually proposed no smoking in personal cars due to dangers while driving. I see more people talking on cell phones while driving than smoking.

I'll be the first to tell you that I would be racking up the tickets on this one. I would tell any cop who says something to me about it oo, I have been smoking and driving since I got my license and have yet to get into an accident. Until the government starts to pay my car note then they have no right to tell me I can't smoke in my car. They can give me the ticket but it will not be a deterrent.

I don't completely agree with that. While yes, I do believe that you should be able to smoke in your car, I would never get in a car again if the government backed off completely about what one can do while driving. I do believe someone posted once about a woman driving erratically behind her and pulled over to let her pass. The woman was knitting while driving!

While I agree they shouldn't back off entirely, it's different when they try to ban smoking. I think that is more because smokers feel like we have so few places where we can smoke. I'll be the first to admit while I try to be a considerate smoker, I don't always succeed. I will always ask if anyone minds if I smoke, while outdoors and no one else is smoking, but until I joined this forum I thought of the ground as my own personal ashtray. I'll admit that even as late as this morning, while driving to work I flicked my completed cigarette out the window and only after it left my hand did I think oh Crud I shouldn't have done that. I'm trying to get better but I think when it comes to that the gov. should just leave us be in our own cars.

In regards to smoking I can mostly agree. If it's consenting adults in a car and it's your car, by all means. The only exception I would find acceptable would be in regard to children who don't really have a say. I am a firm believer that if you are a grown man/woman the decision to smoke is yours and your right. But a baby or young child isn't really given a choice.

 But I do think that how far the government thinks they should be able to go to "protect" people is scary. Kinda reminds me of the giant computer from I Am Robot who says that she is only protecting them by taking away all their rights.

DiamondGirl

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #41 on: May 14, 2008, 05:22:42 PM »
Some states have actually proposed no smoking in personal cars due to dangers while driving. I see more people talking on cell phones while driving than smoking.

I'll be the first to tell you that I would be racking up the tickets on this one. I would tell any cop who says something to me about it oo, I have been smoking and driving since I got my license and have yet to get into an accident. Until the government starts to pay my car note then they have no right to tell me I can't smoke in my car. They can give me the ticket but it will not be a deterrent.

I don't completely agree with that. While yes, I do believe that you should be able to smoke in your car, I would never get in a car again if the government backed off completely about what one can do while driving. I do believe someone posted once about a woman driving erratically behind her and pulled over to let her pass. The woman was knitting while driving!

While I agree they shouldn't back off entirely, it's different when they try to ban smoking. I think that is more because smokers feel like we have so few places where we can smoke. I'll be the first to admit while I try to be a considerate smoker, I don't always succeed. I will always ask if anyone minds if I smoke, while outdoors and no one else is smoking, but until I joined this forum I thought of the ground as my own personal ashtray. I'll admit that even as late as this morning, while driving to work I flicked my completed cigarette out the window and only after it left my hand did I think oh Crud I shouldn't have done that. I'm trying to get better but I think when it comes to that the gov. should just leave us be in our own cars.

In regards to smoking I can mostly agree. If it's consenting adults in a car and it's your car, by all means. The only exception I would find acceptable would be in regard to children who don't really have a say. I am a firm believer that if you are a grown man/woman the decision to smoke is yours and your right. But a baby or young child isn't really given a choice.

 But I do think that how far the government thinks they should be able to go to "protect" people is scary. Kinda reminds me of the giant computer from I Am Robot who says that she is only protecting them by taking away all their rights.

You know what's funny, when I was growing up my mother smoked in the car with us. Now that I have children I refuse to do it. Don't get me wrong, I do smoke in my car but only in the morning after I dropped my kids off at school. Not on the way to pick them up either because I feel like the smoke lingers.

Brentwood

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #42 on: May 14, 2008, 05:36:15 PM »
Some states have actually proposed no smoking in personal cars due to dangers while driving. I see more people talking on cell phones while driving than smoking.

I'll be the first to tell you that I would be racking up the tickets on this one. I would tell any cop who says something to me about it oo, I have been smoking and driving since I got my license and have yet to get into an accident. Until the government starts to pay my car note then they have no right to tell me I can't smoke in my car. They can give me the ticket but it will not be a deterrent.

I don't completely agree with that. While yes, I do believe that you should be able to smoke in your car, I would never get in a car again if the government backed off completely about what one can do while driving. I do believe someone posted once about a woman driving erratically behind her and pulled over to let her pass. The woman was knitting while driving!

There are already laws against inattentive driving, careless driving, and reckless driving. I don't think it's necessary to have laws that enumerate just what sorts of behaviors can cause the inattentive, careless or reckless driving. Smoking while driving can be a distraction, but so can changing the radio station or CD, talking, eating, or having children in the car. Nobody is calling for any of these behaviors to be banned in cars.

The knitting woman could be cited for inattentive driving.

hobish

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #43 on: May 15, 2008, 04:09:37 AM »
Some states have actually proposed no smoking in personal cars due to dangers while driving. I see more people talking on cell phones while driving than smoking.

I'll be the first to tell you that I would be racking up the tickets on this one. I would tell any cop who says something to me about it oo, I have been smoking and driving since I got my license and have yet to get into an accident. Until the government starts to pay my car note then they have no right to tell me I can't smoke in my car. They can give me the ticket but it will not be a deterrent.

I don't completely agree with that. While yes, I do believe that you should be able to smoke in your car, I would never get in a car again if the government backed off completely about what one can do while driving. I do believe someone posted once about a woman driving erratically behind her and pulled over to let her pass. The woman was knitting while driving!

Well, if driving is going to be brought into it and government regulations, too, i think one ought to be able to do whatever one wants to while driving - smoke, drink, fiddle with the radio, put on mascara ... and we all ought to be strapped to the front of our vehicles like a sacrifice to some Aztec God ... that would make for a lot less accidents, i think, no matter who is in/strapped to the front of the vehicle.  :P

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bopper

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Re: " I wouldn't have guessed you are a smoker!"
« Reply #44 on: May 15, 2008, 02:17:54 PM »
You can tell some people are smokers...from their voice, and sometimes their skin is more wrinkled and has sort of a yellow cast to it.