Author Topic: "Do you know how?"  (Read 32764 times)

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pryncsskittyn

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"Do you know how?"
« on: February 27, 2007, 10:21:20 PM »
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette, it's just a pushy Mom being annoying I think.  It's funny though.  Wish I could have seen the hubby's face.


I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

My husband (her only son) and I are 25 and 24. We've been married one year. We don't have health insurance. My husband is still in graduate school, for crying out loud!

But it gets better. I had a cold, and hubby mentioned to his mother that I was "ill." Their conversation follows:

"Is she pregnant?"

"No, she has a cold."

"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

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Harriet Jones

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2007, 10:35:07 PM »
Quote
"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

"Maybe you could come show us, Mom!  I don't think we're doing it right."  >:D

smarterthanu213

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2007, 11:06:43 PM »
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. My grandma has been asking me since I was 15 when I was going to give her great-grandbabies...and of course I'm expected to be married before I do... ???

"Well, MIL, honestly we haven't figured out how to have sex yet."

 >:D

megswsu

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2007, 11:30:00 PM »
Yes, parents just LOVE to know when they'll get their grandbabies. We get comments from my stepmom every so often, like when she and my dad were out and she saw something the 'baby' could use. My dad of course had to remind her that, no dear, there are no grandbabies right now!  ;D

The best came from my younger bro recently. He informed us, "I'm ready to be an uncle now." I about peed my pants and told him we'd get right on it then.  >:D





evil_xylo

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2007, 11:40:38 PM »
My MIL has made comments like this.  I have a weak stomach and get sick often.  Everytime I have an upset stomach she asks DH "Is she preg?"  The answer is ALWAYS no, then she has the nerve to ask "Are you trying correctly?"  I didn't know there was an incorrect way.

supernova

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2007, 02:08:08 AM »
"Oh, but enough about MY sex life; let's talk about yours!"   >:D

"Well Mom, I was actually wondering about that...  did you and Dad use square knots or bowlines in the ropes?"

"Sure, we've been lighting candles and praying in both our bedrooms every night!"

{dragging EvilSaphie back into her corner now}

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VorFemme

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2007, 08:57:49 AM »
Pedagogue VorFemme looks over her Ben Franklin styled glasses and muses on the stories she has come across about couples who WEREN'T trying correctly..........including one rather startling one about a doctor cutting her hymen and showing the bride where "things went" as her groom had been off the mark. 

When she went in to complain about pain after over a week - the exam showed that her urethra had been mistaken by her groom for where he was supposed to be aiming.  I don't know whether or not her hymen was THAT tough or her groom was THAT inept............but I cringed when I heard the story.  It supposedly was reported medical literature as a reason to support of sex education - if only in premarital counselling.............and the person who told me about it was one that I trusted to be accurate rather than making changes to "improve" the story.
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ZipTheWonder

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2007, 09:46:53 AM »
My husband's brother is 10 years older, and they have five siblings in between them.  When my husband was born, my brother-in-law said to his mother "If you know what causes this, why don't you JUST STOP DOING IT??"  They either did just that...or did something else, because my husband was the last.

Elfqueen13

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2007, 10:07:11 AM »
Pedagogue VorFemme looks over her Ben Franklin styled glasses and muses on the stories she has come across about couples who WEREN'T trying correctly..........including one rather startling one about a doctor cutting her hymen and showing the bride where "things went" as her groom had been off the mark. 

When she went in to complain about pain after over a week - the exam showed that her urethra had been mistaken by her groom for where he was supposed to be aiming.  I don't know whether or not her hymen was THAT tough or her groom was THAT inept............but I cringed when I heard the story.  It supposedly was reported medical literature as a reason to support of sex education - if only in premarital counselling.............and the person who told me about it was one that I trusted to be accurate rather than making changes to "improve" the story.

I heard that same story many years ago; I read it in a book intended to give teens the "basics" of sexuality ca. 1972.  (I was actually reading it in the mid-80's, it was written around 1972).
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snowflake

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2007, 08:00:37 PM »
My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

JocelynCS

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2007, 02:08:44 PM »
Yes, parents just LOVE to know when they'll get their grandbabies.

Tee hee!  My parents know that I have no intention of having children and have always been great about not demanding grandchildren.  (Doesn't matter much anyway, since my sister will almost certainly provide them, as she has wanted kids since she was little.)

However, Mum and Da make no bones about demanding grandkittens from me!  Sis already provided those, and I'll be getting around to it fairly soon!   ;)

We're a cat family, what can I say. 

caranfin

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2007, 04:25:32 PM »
Not my story... but I laughed.  I'm still trying to figure out how this really breached ettiquette

Okay, the first one was here:
Quote
I e-mailed my mother-in-law to ask what *her* mother (who lives with my in-laws) would like for Christmas.

Her reply? "Great-grandchildren."

It's rude to try to stick your nose in someone else's reproductive decisions.

and here:

Quote
"Do you know how?"

"How what?"

"How to get her pregnant!"

That's just all kinds of inappropriate.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

Squeaks

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2007, 04:41:27 PM »
My MIL has made comments like this.  I have a weak stomach and get sick often.  Everytime I have an upset stomach she asks DH "Is she preg?"  The answer is ALWAYS no, then she has the nerve to ask "Are you trying correctly?"  I didn't know there was an incorrect way.


I think a good response would be "Ofcouse we are - we are smart adults so we are using condoms pills etc and look its working!" 

evil_xylo

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2007, 08:56:25 PM »
My MIL has made comments like this.  I have a weak stomach and get sick often.  Everytime I have an upset stomach she asks DH "Is she preg?"  The answer is ALWAYS no, then she has the nerve to ask "Are you trying correctly?"  I didn't know there was an incorrect way.


I think a good response would be "Ofcouse we are - we are smart adults so we are using condoms pills etc and look its working!" 

Lol!  We have sort of tried something like that, but she always says "But they have an error rate!  Are you sure shes not?"

We are sort of trying, but we don't want to tell her that.  I don't want to tell her until the baby is born, but I think she will catch on when I start showing up to church looking like a blimp.

VorFemme

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Re: "Do you know how?"
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2007, 09:30:39 PM »
Pedagogue VorFemme looks over her Ben Franklin styled glasses and muses on the stories she has come across about couples who WEREN'T trying correctly..........including one rather startling one about a doctor cutting her hymen and showing the bride where "things went" as her groom had been off the mark. 

When she went in to complain about pain after over a week - the exam showed that her urethra had been mistaken by her groom for where he was supposed to be aiming.  I don't know whether or not her hymen was THAT tough or her groom was THAT inept............but I cringed when I heard the story.  It supposedly was reported medical literature as a reason to support of sex education - if only in premarital counselling.............and the person who told me about it was one that I trusted to be accurate rather than making changes to "improve" the story.

I heard that same story many years ago; I read it in a book intended to give teens the "basics" of sexuality ca. 1972.  (I was actually reading it in the mid-80's, it was written around 1972).

I probably read it when it was only a year or two off the presses - having bought it when my Dad the preacher wasn't around or heard about it in a class.  It has been so long since I heard the story that I no longer recall where & when I came into possession of the information.

During my graduate degree, there was a bit of information on psuedo-hermaphrodites.  The teacher mentioned that when HIS teacher was young (in the forties?), a couple came in for fertility testing.  The husband was a doctor.  The wife...........turned out to be male genetically and female in appearance due to being a hermaphrodite............the lack of all body hair (below the neck) SHOULD have been a clue to both the husband and the fertility counselor........as well as no menstruation................but.........it was a very different age in regard to sexual information.

But the syndrome was considered so RARE that no one realized that they had one in the room with them until the exam showed NO OVARIES.  They were told to adopt, as she was infertile.  I have no idea if the husband was told - since it was THAT long ago - it might have ended the marriage due to squicking everyone out if the information got out.

Now that sex reassignment surgery is so much more common AND the internet is available for searcing - I don't think that it would take nearly that long to "discover" that your "wife" is never going to get pregnant..........
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?