"Do you know how?"

[hellgirl]

I couldn't believe how my MIL's face dropped when we mentioned we were still using contraception (it was part of a legitimate converstation... with her neighbours of all things).

She is worried that she's 60 soon and not a Nana yet. I didn't think it was her clock that was meant to tick!

That same night her and her neighbour made jokes about getting us drunk (while fetching me another beer) and sneaking over to hide or sabotage the condoms. I think I said something about that being a heck of a story for the grandkids... "When did we decide to have you? Well, your Nana X got us drunk and hid the condoms, and 9 months later there you were! Ya feeling the love!?"

[hobish]

Thank goodness my mom has reached acceptance that neither i or either of my siblings are giving them grandkids any time soon. Now she refers to her grandlizard, grandcats, and the newest addition, the grandturtles.

[evil_xylo]

Thank goodness my mom has reached acceptance that neither i or either of my siblings are giving them grandkids any time soon. Now she refers to her grandlizard, grandcats, and the newest addition, the grandturtles.

My mom does this too.  She has a grandpuppy and a grandferret.  We are making her a shirt for her birthday with a picutre of them nose to nose.  SOOOO cute.  She knows she will get grandkids sooner or later, but she is actually hopeing for later, unlike MIL who was asking us when the baby was due the day after we got married.

[hobish]

Thank goodness my mom has reached acceptance that neither i or either of my siblings are giving them grandkids any time soon. Now she refers to her grandlizard, grandcats, and the newest addition, the grandturtles.

My mom does this too.  She has a grandpuppy and a grandferret.  We are making her a shirt for her birthday with a picutre of them nose to nose.  SOOOO cute.  She knows she will get grandkids sooner or later, but she is actually hopeing for later, unlike MIL who was asking us when the baby was due the day after we got married.

THREADJACK AHEAD, SORT OF

How could i forget about the grandferrets!? We have 3, currently ... i am hoping to get 2 more. They are so abominably cute! I have been trying to get a good pic of the cat grooming one of them.

[evil_xylo]

THREADJACK AHEAD, SORT OF

How could i forget about the grandferrets!? We have 3, currently ... i am hoping to get 2 more. They are so abominably cute! I have been trying to get a good pic of the cat grooming one of them.

Ferrets make good grandbabies.  They act like two years olds and about have the mentality of one too.  Like my little boy who cried everytime we gave him a bath.  Or the little girl that throws a fit when I move her toys.  Or my other little boy (who we lost last year *sob) who could open doors if there was anything that allowed him to get close to the handle unless the doors were locked.  We ended up having to put locks on all doors in the house including his cage door.  If you say 'No' to them they give you a little thoughtful look then do it anyway lol.

Now if I could convence MIL that they do make good grandbabies, she might get off my back about giving her real ones lol. 

[Blurgle]

My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.

[hollasa]

That same night her and her neighbour made jokes about getting us drunk (while fetching me another beer) and sneaking over to hide or sabotage the condoms. I think I said something about that being a heck of a story for the grandkids... "When did we decide to have you? Well, your Nana X got us drunk and hid the condoms, and 9 months later there you were! Ya feeling the love!?"

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

[hobish]

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

Oh. I think my head just caved in. I have literally spent the last few seconds sitting here at my desk with my mouth hanging open.

 That is like something from television.

[Brentwood]

That same night her and her neighbour made jokes about getting us drunk (while fetching me another beer) and sneaking over to hide or sabotage the condoms. I think I said something about that being a heck of a story for the grandkids... "When did we decide to have you? Well, your Nana X got us drunk and hid the condoms, and 9 months later there you were! Ya feeling the love!?"

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

As a side note, diaphragms can develop microscopic holes anyway, so when I used one many, many years ago, the doctor told me to fill it with water beforehand EVERY TIME to make sure there were no holes.

[kingsrings]

My mother told me something that a friend of hers did to her daughter, who had been married a few years. She cut out a picture of a cute baby from a magazine, handed it to her daughter, and announced, "I want one of these". My mother and her friend both thought that this was hysterically funny. I thought it was very nervy, nosy, and intrusive, but mom didn't agree.

[hollasa]

My late step-father-in-law told us a story about when he and his brother decided that their sister-in-law needed another baby. They snuck into her room, and poked holes in her diaphragm with some pins.

When he died, he wasn't on speaking terms with just about all of his family, but I'm not sure if that's specifically the reason...

I was always very careful about our birth control around him, after he told us that!

Oh. I think my head just caved in. I have literally spent the last few seconds sitting here at my desk with my mouth hanging open.

 That is like something from television.

What got me about the story when he told it, is that he said it with no sense of shame, or inappropriateness - it was more of a hey, what a good idea we had, weren't we the bright people, and it worked!

[Asharah]

My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.

Found this on an urban legend site.
http://snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp

[Blurgle]

My co-worker snorted when I read that to her.  (We are bad about swapping funny stories at work.)  She said, "Honey, I was married in 1957, no one had ever talked to me about sex, no one had ever talked to my husband about sex.  But you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of education to figure that one out!

Marie Stopes became a sex educator because her first marriage was such a disaster. She was a high honours SCIENCE graduate of Munich University, yet she didn't know when she got married that sex even existed! She went to the doctor a few years after marriage to find out why she hadn't had a child, and he told her she had to have sex. She had never heard of it. Her husband was impotent.

Found this on an urban legend site.
http://snopes.com/pregnant/nosex.asp

Marie Stopes's story is directly out of her autobiography.

[Belle]

I love my FMIL, but I can easily see her doing something like in the OP's post. There is a good chance her son (my fiance) is her only child that will get married while she's alive. (One sibling is very nice, but doesn't seem to do so well at dating, and the others are adopted and quite young.) Despite making it clear to her that we are not having children, we're constantly harassed. She backed off quite a bit after my fiance had a little discussion with her, but she still does it. (I told him that as much as I loved his mother, I was going to stop visiting her if she didn't back off on the kids thing!!!)

I've finally started getting somewhat graphic with her. She doesn't REALLY want to think about us having sex, but it underlies the whole conversation. (I can't give her grandbabies with it!) If she insists on making my sexual behavior a topic of public conversation, then I make the conversation explicit enough to make her as uncomfortable as I am. (I've tried the direct route for years. It doesn't stop her!!! But this route does.)

• FMIL: So, my close friend was just showing me photos of her grandchildren and [insert rant about her need to have grandchildren NOW NOW NOW!]. When am I going to get my grandbabies???
• Me: FMIL, I'm not even married to your son yet. I really don't think it's appropriate for you to tell me that I should be having sex with him. And not just any sex, unprotected sex! That just doesn't seem right!
• FMIL: But you could get married over the phone. I've seen it done with other military couples. [Fiance is in Iraq right now.] And then you could give me grandbabies!!!
• Me: Yes, FMIL, you're right, we probably could get married over the phone. But I'm afraid that we can't have sex over the phone. And if fiance came home from Iraq and I was pregnant, I don't think he would be particularly happy.

[FMIL changes the topic after deciding that she can't discuss her son's sex life anymore...]

It's a bit evil, I know, but it's the only thing I've found that gets her to stop. Other than the grandkid obsession, she's a lovely woman!

[citybrat]

My mother would tell us to get rid of our cat and have kids. Like, right, I can't tell the difference. Kids and cats, they are the same? Aren't they? My favourite was when I was 40 years old and one of my aunts demanded to know why we didn't have kids? Was it because we "couldn't" or "wouldn't"? At this point I blew up, "I am 40 years old and this is no business of yours"! I actually have no affinity for children. It's very strange. I like them as long they belong to other people. In any case, it is a personal decision.

When a busy body asks when you are having them, ask them why they need to know?