Author Topic: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!  (Read 3502 times)

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jedikaiti

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #15 on: July 09, 2013, 02:57:20 PM »
As I said, it's a concern, not a judgement. There are, however, folks out there who just don't think that far in advance, or who really do expect to be provided for at all times.

OTOH, if, as another poster pointed out, someone wanted to crowdfund an addition to the family, but then ran off on a nice vacation, that's a whole other sack of beans.
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Lynn2000

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #16 on: July 09, 2013, 02:58:31 PM »
I feel really conflicted about these kinds of things. And frankly, if something makes me uncomfortable, I'm likely to back away from it, and definitely not give them any money.

They just make me feel too judgmental. I think when someone sets up a fund for a personal goal, they're opening themselves up to all kinds of judgments from the people they're soliciting. Not that people should make judgmental statements out loud, but you're kind of forcing people to think about your goal and to judge its worth for you and what other steps you've taken towards it. At least, you're opening that door--it's not reasonable to expect people to just give blindly because you asked.

I have my chosen charities I give to regularly and I would rather just do that, because I've investigated them and support their methods and causes. I honestly don't know if I think a personal goal solicitation is rude, but I almost certainly wouldn't donate to it.
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Olympia

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2013, 03:55:16 PM »
I understand that  kid are expensive to raise but if you  were to have a child a lot of time it would be covered by your insurance so if the cost was 20000.00 you  wouldn;t have to pay the full amount but if you  are adobting a child and the cost was 20000.00 a lot of the time it can be hard to come with that  amount  but you  still may be perfectly able to afford to raise a child.

I think this is an excellent point that often gets overlooked. Insurance doesn't cover adoption costs; some employers offer adoption assistance, but that's rarely more than a small fraction of the amount needed to adopt.

Jocelyn

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2013, 04:07:50 PM »
I think what bothers me about these sites is the underlying belief that one is somehow more entitled to have one's own personal dreams and aspirations come true than are other people, and these other people should fund one's dreams. We ALL have dreams that aren't going to come true, either because of biology, happenstance or lack of finances. When my niece got married quickly to a deploying soldier, she bemoaned the fact that she didn't get a BWW. My personal reaction was that at least she got a husband. There are lots of women who don't get the BWW they dreamed of because they never found anyone to marry, or their fiance was killed prior to the wedding, or their fiance came out, or he broke off the engagement. Lots of people dream of parenthood, but it never happens for them. Others have dreams of traveling the world, building a home, owning beautiful jewelry, wearing designer clothing, and driving expensive sports cars. For most people, they're not going to be able to afford all their dreams. So why should these website creators assume that their dreams are so much more important that others should forego funding their own dreams to contribute?  If I'm not already close enough to you to know your dreams without being told on a website, and if I'm not close enough to you to talk to you and say, 'Are finances holding you back? Because if they are, I'd like to help', then why would you assume that I should be informed and asked to donate?
Many years ago, I decided to take a year off of school. My favorite uncle called up and said, 'Seriously. Is this your choice? Or are you having to do it?' I knew what he was getting at- he was preparing to offer me money so I could stay in school. I assured him that I was burned out and needed a mental health break, but the financial aid  wasn't an issue. But to have sent him a link to a 'fund my mental health break' website. No.

bansidhe

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2013, 04:08:23 PM »
There is no way on earth I'd contribute to someone's fertility treatments. Adoption costs I might consider under some circumstances, but in general* I don't think it's appropriate to seek assistance from anyone but family and close friends for family-related expenses like this. I think setting up a website in an attempt to solicit funds from strangers is pretty tacky.

*There are exceptions. Someone's kid has cancer and needs horribly expensive treatments that aren't covered by insurance? Definitely set up a website, hold bake sales, and whatever else needs to be done to drum up money.
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Just Lori

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #20 on: July 09, 2013, 04:11:46 PM »
I'm not crazy about direct requests for cash, whether you're looking to fund your child's adoption, your own college education or a trip for two to a nice spa.  I have, however, seen creative fund-raising for such ventures.  For instance, a teen-ager who wants to take a class trip might sell raffle tickets that entitle the winner to free lawn care for a year, starting in the spring and ending with a pre-winter cleanup.  I'd happily pay $20 for that.  A couple teen-agers who live in our neighborhood used to throw a summer carnival in their backyard, complete with games for kids and a silent auction.  The proceeds went to a charity they supported.  Another family I knew raised money for their adoption by selling a cookbook of favorite family recipes.  She posted pictures of the dishes on her Facebook and let people know they could find the recipe in the cookbook.  I thought that was rather clever.

pearls n purls

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #21 on: July 09, 2013, 05:20:44 PM »
I know some people who adopted.  They did some fundraising through arts and crafts, which is great, but there was a lot of just asking for money.  There was a lot of, "We have x expense coming up, and it costs $400.  We've raised $280, so far.  C'mon, we just need $140 more."

And that sort of thing happened for most aspects of the adoption. Maybe they contributed a l
ot of their own money, but it felt like they expected the whole thing to be sponsored by others because they were doing A Very Good Thing by adopting a child.

I think this issue is a grey area.  Fundraising through selling things, offering a service, etc. is great.  A general " If you would like to contribute..."  is okay, but some people can take it too far.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Fund my adoption/fertility treatments please!
« Reply #22 on: July 09, 2013, 05:44:43 PM »
I think what bothers me about these sites is the underlying belief that one is somehow more entitled to have one's own personal dreams and aspirations come true than are other people, and these other people should fund one's dreams. We ALL have dreams that aren't going to come true, either because of biology, happenstance or lack of finances. When my niece got married quickly to a deploying soldier, she bemoaned the fact that she didn't get a BWW. My personal reaction was that at least she got a husband. There are lots of women who don't get the BWW they dreamed of because they never found anyone to marry, or their fiance was killed prior to the wedding, or their fiance came out, or he broke off the engagement. Lots of people dream of parenthood, but it never happens for them. Others have dreams of traveling the world, building a home, owning beautiful jewelry, wearing designer clothing, and driving expensive sports cars. For most people, they're not going to be able to afford all their dreams. So why should these website creators assume that their dreams are so much more important that others should forego funding their own dreams to contribute?  If I'm not already close enough to you to know your dreams without being told on a website, and if I'm not close enough to you to talk to you and say, 'Are finances holding you back? Because if they are, I'd like to help', then why would you assume that I should be informed and asked to donate?
Many years ago, I decided to take a year off of school. My favorite uncle called up and said, 'Seriously. Is this your choice? Or are you having to do it?' I knew what he was getting at- he was preparing to offer me money so I could stay in school. I assured him that I was burned out and needed a mental health break, but the financial aid  wasn't an issue. But to have sent him a link to a 'fund my mental health break' website. No.

Yes. I hope i didn't come off a judgmental in my initial post, but this is kind of what I was trying to convey. I've never been married but if I found the right person, sure. I don't have kids, nor want to, but being single, and living in a small apt, I'd love to own a house someday. But can't afford to. I'd also like to take some fancy trips. But I also can't really afford that. But it would also never occur to me to fundraise for the things I want. Life isn't fair, and no matter how much you want or think you deserve something, sometimes it just isn't going to happen.