Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

No Host Event question

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Chocolate Cake:
Are no host events (i.e. pay your own way) in honor of a person ever something that can be planned/organized?  For example, is it possible to have a tea for a bride where the tab is paid by each guest?

Typically, I know the answer is NO, NEVER, but hear out the details and then comment accordingly:

Let's say that a young woman co-worker is due to be married.   She is having a small, private wedding in a distant country, so no one from the office is invited.  However, the office employees still want to celebrate her impending nuptials in some way because they are all fond of her.  Someone suggests having cake/punch in the office, but that is veteod because the on-going office construction is making everything a mess and not pleasant to be around for working, much less for a "party".   

Someone else suggests hosting a "brunch in honor of...." at a local restaurant one day during the work week.  This idea is received with much enthusiasm until the person suggesting it starts wondering about the expense:  in short, no one or two people can afford to take on the expense of hosting the event and paying the tab for all the co-workers who would come to this brunch.  However, the brunch would be possible if all the "guests" (co-workers of the bride) paid their own way. 

So, from an etiquette perspective, is this kind of "no host event" abhorrent and, therefore, shouldn't ever be considered?   

Or, given the nature of the circumstances and the relationships of the attendees (co-workers), would planning this kind of event be okay?  If so, how should the memo or invitation read as to make clear that a "guest" should plan to pick up their own tab?


Summrs:
I don't see anything wrong with this... as long as the guest of honor's tab was split between the rest of the party.  We used to handle birthdays and such at our office this way.

As for wording, I'm not too sure.. I'll leave that to someone with better word sense.

Lisbeth:

--- Quote from: Chocolate Cake on March 01, 2007, 08:26:17 AM ---So, from an etiquette perspective, is this kind of "no host event" abhorrent and, therefore, shouldn't ever be considered?   

Or, given the nature of the circumstances and the relationships of the attendees (co-workers), would planning this kind of event be okay?  If so, how should the memo or invitation read as to make clear that a "guest" should plan to pick up their own tab?

--- End quote ---

I don't think they're abhorrent or shouldn't be considered, but they do call for communication so that everyone is clear on what's expected of them.

I also tend to refer to the organizers of such events as "coordinators" rather than hosts.  A coordinator is someone who arranges for the venue to be available and issues the invitations.  A host is a coordinator who pays for the whole event.

I'd probably tell all the expected guests by word-of-mouth rather than trying to word a formal invitation, "Hey, just so you know, we're going dutch except for Bride-we're all chipping in for her share of the expenses."  The important thing is to tell everyone this at the time the invitation is extended and make it clear to the invited guests that yes, they are paying for their own provisions and entrance fees if any.

caranfin:
I think this is fine as long as someone pays for the honoree's lunch. Just say "We're all going to lunch Friday to celebrate Jane's wedding."

minnaloushe:
This is an interesting perspective, one I hadn't considered.  But then a lot of the stuff on here is.

We do things like this ALL THE TIME and we have never ever had a "hosted" event.  Baby showers, wedding showers, retirements, promotions, etc., etc. are all done no-host. If it's rude, nobody told anyone with whom I've ever worked.  Otherwise it would be too cost prohibitive.

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