Splitting the check

[buckeyefan]

A group of us (5-6 people) get together occasionally for dinner at various restaurants in our community. I do not drink alcohol because of medication I take. The other people in the group do drink and often order several bottles of wine during the evening.

When the bill comes they expect me to pay for alcohol even though I do not drink. This can sometimes add $15-20 to my bill. I have asked them to exlude me from the alcohol charge, but they say it's easier to figure out the bill.

I enjoy my friends, but I'm tired of paying for their drinking.

[Brennie]

How tacky.

You're not even able to drink alcohol and then want you to pay for them? You need to be more firm. Let them know before you go out that this time you will not be paying for their drinks because you are not able to drink them but you'd still be happy to split the rest of the bill. That's such a simple request, these people don't sound like they respect you or your medical differences.

[EvilAlice]

I have asked them to exlude me from the alcohol charge, but they say it's easier to figure out the bill.

Then you laugh and say, "Yes, I'm sure it is. I keep telling my mortgage company that it would be easier for me if they just let me pay whatever I can spare that month, but they won't accept that argument so I'm afraid I can't, either."

Honestly.  I'm no fan of nickel and diming the check "wait, my meal was only $10 and yours was $12...I had one drink but you had two..." but that's ridiculous.  I could even understand it if you USUALLY had wine but didn't on one occasion, because those things have a way of evening out in the long run.  But to expect you to pay for something that you never consume?  That's just nuts.

[Rei-chan]

Next time, try this.....

When the server comes to take your order, simply say you would like separate checks.  In the restaurants I have worked in, the POS system will easily split the check by seat number, and even split item costs (in case you are sharing an appetizer or dessert).  If your friends protest, simply state that in prior conversations you were given the impression that it was a hassle to figure out the bill and that this way, no one has to worry about it and can enjoy the evening.   

Having waited on many large parties, I found it easier to split checks as I went along than try to split them at the end.  Trust me, your server will thank you for it too!

[VorFemme]

I'd simplify this still further - when the first person taking orders for food or drinks shows up - announce that you will need a seperate check.

If pressed for a reason - you might need to leave early, you're tracking expenses this month to prepare a budget, or just a simple "raise eyebrow and why do you need to know" response could work.

If told that you are a spoilsport - raise eyebrow and just look at the speaker. 

I am on meds that don't mix with alcohol myself - but I am lucky enough right now not to be joining anyone for a meal who wants to "split the check" that way.  I have been unfortunate enough to be stuck with a check when they picked up their drink, dropped "their half" on the table, and walked off without asking if I had enough cash on me to pick up their slack.........I felt sorry for the waitress - but I didn't have a blank check on me and it was before ATMs on every corner.........

[sammycat]

Uugh, what an awful situation, I really feel for you.  I second the suggestion of asking for a separate cheque as you need to leave early.  Even in if means having to actually leave early a few times and missing out on all the after dinner chat, hopefully it will either get the point across, or at the very least, you will only have to pay what you really owe.

It's quite rude of your friends to expect YOU to subsidise THEIR drinking habits.  Good luck!

[graceh9]

it is extremely common to split the food and alcohol when figuring
who owes what where bills are split -- it is grossly unfair to bill
you for their drinks -- simply use cash when you go with them and
put in for your share of the food and tip

you might want to volunteer to calculate the shares

don't let them walk all over you on this in the name of 'simpler to figure'

[freakyfemme]

Maybe the next get-together could be for something other than dinner, like maybe a movie or something, or a games night at someone's house, so you can avoid that whole scenario altogether.

[willow08]

Next time, try this.....

 In the restaurants I have worked in, the POS system will easily split the check by seat number, and even split item costs (in case you are sharing an appetizer or dessert). 

I take it that POS means something different than what I think it means?

[MrsP81]

I agree that you should ask for a seperate cheque next time you go out. It is none of their business why you want a seperate cheque and it will make it much easier on you. It isn't fair that you have to pay for alcohol that you aren't even drinking.

BTW, POS means point of sale.

[graceh9]

and to the OP -- a useful phrase is 'I am not going to do that' when they suggest you MUST go along with supporting their alcohol purchase 'Oh, I'm not going to do that, I'll just chip in for the food'

of course arranging for a separate check is even more efficient.

[willow08]

I agree, you should not be responsible for paying for their drinking AND enabling their laziness (in not wanting to take the time to fairly split the check.)

Some friends of mine had problems with another couple they would go out to eat with. Mr. Friend of Friend was very "generous" and would order appetizers, drinks, wine, and dessert "for the table." At the end of dinner, he would tell the waiter to split the check down the middle, leaving my friends to pay for half of starters, drinks, dessert that they hadn't planned on ordering and wouldn't have ordered if Mr. FOF hadn't done it. After he pulls this on them twice, they stopped him after he ordered an appetizer (waiting until after the waitress left the table) and said that they were not going to be splitting the check with him and that they were not planning on ordering wine, cocktails or dessert as they do not normally do that when they go out. He got mad, but he also didn't order drinks or dessert. The invitations to  dinner stopped shortly after, which to me showed that what he was looking for was someone to supplement his dinner costs.

You just have to stand firm. Or stop going out with them if it really bothers you.

[Chocolate Cake]

Look at it this way:  your friends haven't agonized even a second over expecting you to subsidize their beverages.  Not even a second.  After dinners, when they have felt ENTITLED to your money and after the bill is paid, the thought that they have (yet again) offended you doesn't even cross their minds. 

So, you shouldn't agonize even one second more about sticking up for yourself and paying only for what you consume.

The easiest way to do this is to pull the waiter aside ahead of time and ask for a separate check.

[Sharnita]

You've been polite, you've explained. Now you have 3 options

1) Don't go out with them any more.

2) Firmly tell your waitperson you will need a separate check.

3) Order the most outageously expensive stuff available. Lobster, whatever. It's a little PA but some people learn from experiencing an event. Perhaps they are tactile learners who will benefit from the feel of money slipping through their fingers to pay for your luxuries.


Update us.

[Louie_LI]

I have asked them to exlude me from the alcohol charge, but they say it's easier to figure out the bill.

You could then offer sweetly to do the math for them and save them the trouble!