For Our Newbies - HOT TOPICS that you need to be aware of

[Delia DeLyons]

     Reccommend adding "Childproofing a House" as it has become a hot topic that resulted in getting locked more than once here.

[Scuba_Dog]

     Reccommend adding "Childproofing a House" as it has become a hot topic that resulted in getting locked more than once here.

Wow, more than once?  I only know of the one.  I tried a search and can't find any other ones (I'm not great at the searching though!)

[DangerMouth]

     Reccommend adding "Childproofing a House" as it has become a hot topic that resulted in getting locked more than once here.

Wow, more than once?  I only know of the one.  I tried a search and can't find any other ones (I'm not great at the searching though!)

I'd been following that thread and I honestly don't see that anyone forgot their manners there (unless there were posts removed that I didn't get a chance to see). Perhaps a mod felt it was just going around in circles after a week and 19 pages, but I thought posters were pretty much uniformly polite and stated their opinions without heat or rancor.

Any thread about children seems to have the potential to become particularly contentious, but I'm just not seeing that in the childproofing thread.

[Scuba_Dog]

     Reccommend adding "Childproofing a House" as it has become a hot topic that resulted in getting locked more than once here.

Wow, more than once?  I only know of the one.  I tried a search and can't find any other ones (I'm not great at the searching though!)

I'd been following that thread and I honestly don't see that anyone forgot their manners there (unless there were posts removed that I didn't get a chance to see). Perhaps a mod felt it was just going around in circles after a week and 19 pages, but I thought posters were pretty much uniformly polite and stated their opinions without heat or rancor.

Any thread about children seems to have the potential to become particularly contentious, but I'm just not seeing that in the childproofing thread.

I didn't either.  I think you hit the nail on the head about it going in circles.

[Delia DeLyons]

     It was deifnitely at least the second time it came up.. I'll see if I can find the other time...  

ETA:  Found it:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=81689.msg1941196#msg1941196

[gollymolly2]

My personal rule of thumb for when a topic is not worth participating in:
If half of the posters feel strongly that X, and take it kind of personally that others believe NOT X,
and half of the posters feel strongly that Y, and take it kind of personally that others believe NOT Y,
then it's really not a productive conversation to continue having.

I sort of feel this way about throwing your own birthday party threads, to give an example.  Some people think it's the height of classlessness.  Others think that it's completely normal.  These threads can often get a little personal (comments like "Why would an adult feel the need to have a birthday party?") So what's the point in having an ongoing discussion?  I could see posting once and saying your piece.  But commenting over and over isn't going to change anybody's mind, so why bother. 

So for the majority of the threads mentioned here - including the childproofing threads - I don't find them to be no longer worthy of discussion.  I think some threads get kind of circular, or sometimes particular posters become a little too attached, but that doesn't mean we can't try again later.

[Delia DeLyons]

     ITA with you gollymolly2, about everything you said.  And I like your phrasing (Clear, concise)  and you describe viewpoints that I share myself.

     For the record, I don't see this list as a "DO NOT POST ABOUT THIS EVER" list, just a heads up to new members about what can possibly happen if they decide to rehash a listed topic.  Of course, they are still free to so, regardless.

[DottyG]

     ITA with you gollymolly2, about everything you said.  And I like your phrasing (Clear, concise)  and you describe viewpoints that I share myself.

     For the record, I don't see this list as a "DO NOT POST ABOUT THIS EVER" list, just a heads up to new members about what can possibly happen if they decide to rehash a listed topic.  Of course, they are still free to so, regardless.

Which is EXACTLY what I, as the OP of this thread, and others have already stated several times now. Here's one of my latest posts on this very subject:

The purpose of the list, though, isn't a definitive "DO NOT EVER SPEAK OF THIS ISSUE EVER AGAIN!"  It's merely a "heads up" that the issue DID get contentious before.  For whatever reason (even if that was that people didn't mind their manners), it got heated.  So, a glance at the past thread(s) related to that issue may provide some guidelines to (the generic) you if you do wish to bring up the subject again.  It's a way of knowing that, for whatever reason, you could be stepping into the quicksand and not realize it.  So, just tread a little lightly and carefully.

That said, there really are some topics that, while not verboten here, really are ones that are SO likely to become heated that it might be best to really, really think hard about starting another thread on them.  Not to say that you can't do so.  But, if a newbie comes in and posts a "Hey everyone!  What do you think about telling my guests that they must take off their shoes and start breastfeeding before pushing their shopping carts into my home?!", you can probably hear the audible groan across the world!

Everyone, please see War_Doc's post above.  It really is a good post.

[DangerMouth]

My personal rule of thumb for when a topic is not worth participating in:
If half of the posters feel strongly that X, and take it kind of personally that others believe NOT X,
and half of the posters feel strongly that Y, and take it kind of personally that others believe NOT Y,
then it's really not a productive conversation to continue having.

I sort of feel this way about throwing your own birthday party threads, to give an example.  Some people think it's the height of classlessness.  Others think that it's completely normal.  These threads can often get a little personal (comments like "Why would an adult feel the need to have a birthday party?") So what's the point in having an ongoing discussion?  I could see posting once and saying your piece.  But commenting over and over isn't going to change anybody's mind, so why bother. 

So for the majority of the threads mentioned here - including the childproofing threads - I don't find them to be no longer worthy of discussion.  I think some threads get kind of circular, or sometimes particular posters become a little too attached, but that doesn't mean we can't try again later.

That kind of attitude can pop up all over. I know the open bar/pay for drinks at weddings can get get contentious, it doesn't help to have people saying "Well, you don't need to drink to have a good time"

[heathert]

I have a question.  If you do have a legitimate question you want some input but it is on a hot topic, that means we can't discuss it? I know if you want to add something to an unlocked thread, that's allowable, but I'm not clear if this thread is just to warn us that these discussions tend to go south quickly or if it means it is not to be discussed period?

[Brentwood]

I have a question.  If you do have a legitimate question you want some input but it is on a hot topic, that means we can't discuss it? I know if you want to add something to an unlocked thread, that's allowable, but I'm not clear if this thread is just to warn us that these discussions tend to go south quickly or if it means it is not to be discussed period?

These are not verboten topics, so yes, they can still be discussed.

[DottyG]

I have a question.  If you do have a legitimate question you want some input but it is on a hot topic, that means we can't discuss it? I know if you want to add something to an unlocked thread, that's allowable, but I'm not clear if this thread is just to warn us that these discussions tend to go south quickly or if it means it is not to be discussed period?

I've posted this several times now. I really cannot think of a more clear way to say this.

The purpose of the list, though, isn't a definitive "DO NOT EVER SPEAK OF THIS ISSUE EVER AGAIN!"  It's merely a "heads up" that the issue DID get contentious before.  For whatever reason (even if that was that people didn't mind their manners), it got heated.  So, a glance at the past thread(s) related to that issue may provide some guidelines to (the generic) you if you do wish to bring up the subject again.  It's a way of knowing that, for whatever reason, you could be stepping into the quicksand and not realize it.  So, just tread a little lightly and carefully.

That said, there really are some topics that, while not verboten here, really are ones that are SO likely to become heated that it might be best to really, really think hard about starting another thread on them.  Not to say that you can't do so.  But, if a newbie comes in and posts a "Hey everyone!  What do you think about telling my guests that they must take off their shoes and start breastfeeding before pushing their shopping carts into my home?!", you can probably hear the audible groan across the world!

Everyone, please see War_Doc's post above.  It really is a good post.

[sparksals]

Love dotty's descriptor of the contentious topix all at once - LOL!

[gollymolly2]

I've posted this several times now. I really cannot think of a more clear way to say this.

New hot topic: asking in this thread if there's a ban on posting these topics.

[Lisbeth]

I've posted this several times now. I really cannot think of a more clear way to say this.

New hot topic: asking in this thread if there's a ban on posting these topics.

In the spirit in which this was posted, I like this.