Why Speak At All?

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

I've debated posting this but it is something that has been bothering me. I know this will not make me any friends when I post it.

There is a habit I've noticed. I've had it happen several times on this and other boards and more times than I know of in real life.

Someone will butt into a conversation (or reply to a thread) simply to state that they disagree and are offended by the conversation. They seem to be expecting everyone to just blink in epiphany and switch their opinions over like a light. If they are met with an intelligent reply they just (metaphorically of course) cover their ears, shout their opinion again, refuse to discuss it further, and leave.

Why is this? If you care enough to speak up why wouldn't you be informed enough to discuss? I love to hear differing opinions, but I am always ready to back mine up with more than emotion and I expect the same from anyone else.

You'll never change minds if you can't say anything besides what you've been told you should believe. You'll also never grow as a person if you cannot handle examining your own beliefs. If I find myself unable to defend an opinion I hold I take that as a sign that I need to learn more about that subject.

Is anyone else bothered by this?

I suppose it's wrong of me to call people out on this. I doubt I've made many friends on this board. But, I figure if you are going to stand up, you should keep standing when nobody claps and be ready to speak up when people start to boo.

-Ulla

[Pixie]

I'm certainly not going to tell people what they may or may not discuss.  I will state my opinion though. For example, if people are discussing Easter bunnies, I may state that I prefer yellow Easter bunnies to green Easter bunnies.   I do. Its a personal preference thing, but I certainly don't think EVERYONE should prefer yellow Easter bunnies, or that green Easter bunnies shouldn't be allowed.

Everyone has opinions, and I don't mind expressing mine, but I do usually try to let people know it IS just an opinion.   I remember, long ago on another forum (a very nasty forum) getting jumped on because I failed to provide a link to my opinion LOL!   I simply told them my brain had not gone online yet, and I was unable to provide a link to my opinion at that time. 

 I LOVE differing opinions and open discussions, I find it very interesting.  If everyone agreed with me, there would be no point to being on a discussion forum.  On the other hand, although I haven't seen it here, I hate it when a civil discussion gets turned into a heated argument with name-calling and personal insults.    On the forum where I am an ADMIN, that is NOT allowed.

[Nimblicity]

I remember, long ago on another forum (a very nasty forum) getting jumped on because I failed to provide a link to my opinion LOL!   

Now that is hillarious!  Like your brain is some kind of philosophy term paper from college!

 

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

I wasn't talking about people disagreeing. I was talking about someone viciously disagreeing and then running away. You'll notice I mentioned the same attitude you have about differing opinions. Going with the Easter Bunny thing, I'm not talking about someone who just pops in to mention yellow Bunnies, I'm talking about the person who comes in saying, "I have a green bunny and I feel like everyone hates me because of this!!! HOW could you all like YELLOW bunnies?!"

If you (general you) approach a thread where you are going to post that you disagree with everyone in it and that you are offended whether the posters said what offended you or you just read that into the posts you should at least make an effort to explain what's so offensive/wrong/evil about the posts. When someone comes along and points out that you were mistaken about whatever tone you inferred, restating your opinion and stating that you are through with the thread is just cowardly and stupid.

If I post something like that and realize that I was wrong, I stay around for the fallout and admit I was wrong. I've done that here and other places. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not always right.

As far as cites go, if someone posts an opinion that needs some sort of cite to back it up it is perfectly valid to ask for one. There is no citation for a preference, there should be for an opinion. I prefer red to blue, that needs no citation. In my opinion, it is better to paint a hospital blue because of color psychology and the calming effect of blue on stressed minds. That would need a cite.

-Ulla

[Pixie]

I wasn't talking about people disagreeing. I was talking about someone viciously disagreeing and then running away. You'll notice I mentioned the same attitude you have about differing opinions. Going with the Easter Bunny thing, I'm not talking about someone who just pops in to mention yellow Bunnies, I'm talking about the person who comes in saying, "I have a green bunny and I feel like everyone hates me because of this!!! HOW could you all like YELLOW bunnies?!"

If you (general you) approach a thread where you are going to post that you disagree with everyone in it and that you are offended whether the posters said what offended you or you just read that into the posts you should at least make an effort to explain what's so offensive/wrong/evil about the posts. When someone comes along and points out that you were mistaken about whatever tone you inferred, restating your opinion and stating that you are through with the thread is just cowardly and stupid.

If I post something like that and realize that I was wrong, I stay around for the fallout and admit I was wrong. I've done that here and other places. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not always right.

As far as cites go, if someone posts an opinion that needs some sort of cite to back it up it is perfectly valid to ask for one. There is no citation for a preference, there should be for an opinion. I prefer red to blue, that needs no citation. In my opinion, it is better to paint a hospital blue because of color psychology and the calming effect of blue on stressed minds. That would need a cite.

-Ulla

I hate to say this, I don't want to offend you, BUT.....  I TOTALLY AGREE!    


So..... when it comes to chocolate bunnies, do you eat the ears or the body first?  (just being silly, no need to answer)

[evil_xylo]

Many people cannot handle being disagreed with or with having their overreactions met with thoughtful replies.

In the post you are talking about (the one about rings right?), I believe what the lady wanted was for someone to validate her and say she wasn't being like the girl in the OP, even though no one ever said she was.  She took the personal preferences that people were stating as an attack against herself even though they really were just personal preferences.

She overreacted, couldn't back it up, then got upset because people weren't telling her what she wanted to hear, or backpeddling to make themselves sound better to her. 

[kathrynne]

So..... when it comes to chocolate bunnies, do you eat the ears or the body first?  (just being silly, no need to answer)

For only one or two years you could get "Just the Ears." Hollow chocolate, probably about an ounce, that was nothing but about four inches of bunny ears. Wish I could find that again. It was cute.

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

I think that's what I was trying to say evil_xylo, I agree totally.

Pixie- the ears first

[Pixie]

I think that's what I was trying to say evil_xylo, I agree totally.

Pixie- the ears first

This is me...

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

Pixie, that amuses me entirely too much

[Musicwoman]

I ran away once when I was the OP.  I had started a thread asking for advice on convincing a friend that she needed to lose weight.  I had made it very plain in the OP that I was concerned for her health, because her obesity was causing her significant health problems with doctor's warnings of lots more to come.

The first few replies were thoughtful and helpful.  Then they gradually deteriorated into criticisms of my (supposed) motives.  I was accused of "trying to make my friend conform to my own narrow standard of beauty".  I was told I had a problem with body image and should "just let her be her".  I was told that it was my own insecurity showing and I was obviously ashamed to be seen in public with her! (Sweet monkey fritters!???).  In short, I was an insecure, thin-ness obsessed self centred neurotic who was a bad friend.  All because I didn't want my friend to succumb to the potentially fatal medical issues likely to arise if she didn't lose about 50kg.

I thought about trying to reply and defend myself, then decided that if these people couldn't be bothered to read the OP properly they were unlikely to read my replies to them.  So I stopped reading the growing number of replies and waited for that thread to fall off the bottom of the page.

I was hurt and offended by the misinterpretation of my OP.  It took some time for me to even come back to the forum.  It was particularly hurtful that these people had ignored what I had actually said, in favour of what they thought I had said.  I was being attacked for opinions and motives I had never expressed, and which were entirely in the posters' heads.

Before you get offended and weigh in with a critical post, please apply Scritzy's Coke rule and re-read the post you are replying to.  Does it actually say what you thought it did?  Have you zoned in on one sentence (like "I want my friend to lose weight") and assumed the rest?  Will you look like a horse's rear end if you post what you originally intended to?  Will you be so embarrassed you have to run away?

Please think before you hit "post".   

[Brentwood]

I wasn't talking about people disagreeing. I was talking about someone viciously disagreeing and then running away. You'll notice I mentioned the same attitude you have about differing opinions. Going with the Easter Bunny thing, I'm not talking about someone who just pops in to mention yellow Bunnies, I'm talking about the person who comes in saying, "I have a green bunny and I feel like everyone hates me because of this!!! HOW could you all like YELLOW bunnies?!"

Another example along those same lines would be a thread discussing the merits of various colors of Easter Bunnies, and someone coming in to the thread saying, "I don't like Easter Bunnies, and anyway it's not real."

Or, say, someone coming into the American Idol thread in Coffee Break and berating everyone for watching AI in the first place.

[IndianInlaw]

We have a guy on our hometown forum, who left this burgh a half century ago and hates the place.

Although he spends all day, every day hanging out on the hometown forums, telling us how his current town is wonderful, his generation is wonderful, blah blah blah.

The kicker is, if there's a subject with which he's not familiar, he'll jump in with "Never done that" "Wasn't around for that".

LIKE WHO CARES!

He reminds me of a certain cartoon character from the 1960's.

http://melaman2.com/cartoons/singles/world-mcbragg.html

Be sure to click on the theme song.

[Heavenly]

Another example along those same lines would be a thread discussing the merits of various colors of Easter Bunnies, and someone coming in to the thread saying, "I don't like Easter Bunnies, and anyway it's not real."

Or, say, someone coming into the American Idol thread in Coffee Break and berating everyone for watching AI in the first place.

I completely agree with this statement.  I have noticed it many times, especially where the person goes on to say that not only are easter bunnies not real, but anyone who believes they are real are misled, indoctrinated, idiots who can't think for themselves...unlike the person now stating their opinion.  LOL  That really gets to me.   

I would like to point out, in reference to the op...some opinions cannot be backed up with anything other than emotion.  If I say that I love my husband--most of the time I can't give you anything other than my emotional opinion.  To some people, the discussion taking place IS emotional in nature and so respond accordingly.  We need to make allowances in these cases.

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

I consider things that can only be backed up with emotion someone's shoulder chip. We all have them and we need to recognize that. Stating your shoulder chip opinion is fine, attacking people for not sharing it is not.

I have issues with this, I'm not going to pretend I don't. I've made a fool of myself more than once on this board because of my shoulder chip issues. It's something I feel most everyone needs to work on. The Coke Rule applies, no?

If you want to state an emotional opinion- fine. But don't expect everyone to back it up. That's all I meant by that.

-Ulla with chips on both shoulders