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Author Topic: "g[color=black]ay[/color]" coworker  (Read 8237 times)

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keelhaulrose

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"g[color=black]ay[/color]" coworker
« on: March 04, 2007, 04:41:52 PM »
I once had a co-worker I'll call George.   George was gay, a fact which I wouldn't bother mentioning except that it has relevance to my story.   Most gay men I've met are as matter-of-fact about their sexual preference as are the heterosexual men I know - it's just the way they are, and they don't make a big deal out of it.    George, on the other hand, despite having every stereotypical "gay mannerism" in the book (think Jack from "Will & Grace") seemed determined to convince people that he was straight.  I could sympathize with this wish to a degree - the other men in the office weren't exactly poster boys for tolerance - but George's methods of appearing straight were laughable.  If you've seen the movie "All of Me" starring Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin, you might recall a scene in which Lily has to act like a man.  Not knowing too much about men, she starts spitting, scratching herself, and calling women "toots".  That was George.   

When our boss threw a pool party to celebrate the building of his new deck, George got drunk and groped my breasts in front of everyone.  I slapped him across the face - not hard - but hard enough to get the point across.  Giving up on me, he sexually molested almost every other female co-worker there - grabbing their behinds, touching their breasts, making suggestive remarks, etc.  The following Monday, our boss gave him a very stern talking-to and let him know that if he ever did that again, he'd be fired.  Fortunately, he got the message, but he still made obscene remarks about female actresses and models every chance he got.   I heartily wished that he'd just "come out" already and give us a break.


I know several straight men who, without thinking, you would classify as gay. Even the most Jack-like characters might not be gay. (Ever see the male flight attendant in Snakes on a Plane). It might seem like a joke, but it really does happen. While I don't think what George did was right, I do think that the co-worker needs a scoot (not all the way in) towards e-hell for assuming her coworker is gay based soley on his actions (which, at the party, make it seem he swings the other way!) It's a personal pet peeve that some people assume they know more about a person's sexuality than the person, just based on the way they act! My DHs cousin is very "butch", and her husband doesn't mind a bit!

Harriet Jones

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2007, 04:48:25 PM »
I agree -- he doesn't necessarily sound gay, just very socially inept.

T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2007, 10:59:54 PM »
It's a personal pet peeve that some people assume they know more about a person's sexuality than the person, just based on the way they act! My DHs cousin is very "butch", and her husband doesn't mind a bit!

Of course, the opposite is also true: just because someone acts macho/feminine/whatever doesn't mean they are straight. I've been quite surprised at finding out some celebrities were g*a*y, like Sir Alec Guiness, Paul Winfield - heck, even Rock Hudson (I'm so old!).

As a slash writer I often get backlash (on mailing lists) for writing slash because "X character doesn't act g*a*y! You're perverting my character!" Geez... get a life. I enjoy exploring characters in various ways, and it's FICTION. Sheesh.

I always enjoyed what Keanu Reeves said when people asked him if he was g*a*y. He said something like, he's not going to deny it because to deny it implies judgement, and he doesn't think it's wrong. You go, Keanu!! 8)


The only Vulcan from South Africa! :)

Cyndi

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2007, 11:14:15 PM »
Whoever posted that story needs to have their gaydar checked.

snowflake

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2007, 10:31:34 AM »
I think the co-worker definitely needs a boot into e-hell.  Actually, he needs to be fired.  I wouldn't keep an employee who is bound to make the rest of the staff uncomfortable.

But even if he is "in the closet," that is not a faux pas.  People can express their sexuality (or not) however they want. 

Besides, what is up with this "gaydar" stuff? 

In Eastern Europe, men go to the ballet and symphony all the time and they're pretty macho.  In parts of the Middle East, men kiss each other as friends - and they're VERY macho.  In different cultures, men do all sorts of things that are considered "g-a-y" here.  It's absolute nonsense.  You can enjoy music, cook, and be fashionable without it affecting who you sleep with.

The USA is one of the few places in the world where women who are platonic friends don't hold hands.  When living in another country, I held hands with my girlfriends.  There is a huge difference between holding hands with a friend and holding hands with someone you are sexually attracted to.  (Just like there is with hugging.)  I still can't figure out what the big deal is here in the US.

The US is so fussy about things like that.  It's one of the things that annoys me about the culture. 

OK, off my soap box.

Venus193

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2007, 11:09:42 AM »
That co-irker needs to be fired.  This behavior is completely unacceptable.  Even the nasty remarks about actresses can be interpreted as "creating a hostile work environment."





absinthe

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2007, 03:37:27 PM »
I think the co-worker definitely needs a boot into e-hell.  Actually, he needs to be fired.  I wouldn't keep an employee who is bound to make the rest of the staff uncomfortable.

But even if he is "in the closet," that is not a faux pas.  People can express their sexuality (or not) however they want. 

Besides, what is up with this "gaydar" stuff? 

In Eastern Europe, men go to the ballet and symphony all the time and they're pretty macho.  In parts of the Middle East, men kiss each other as friends - and they're VERY macho.  In different cultures, men do all sorts of things that are considered "g-a-y" here.  It's absolute nonsense.  You can enjoy music, cook, and be fashionable without it affecting who you sleep with.

The USA is one of the few places in the world where women who are platonic friends don't hold hands.  When living in another country, I held hands with my girlfriends.  There is a huge difference between holding hands with a friend and holding hands with someone you are sexually attracted to.  (Just like there is with hugging.)  I still can't figure out what the big deal is here in the US.

The US is so fussy about things like that.  It's one of the things that annoys me about the culture. 

OK, off my soap box.

i completely agree with you. i have even seen arab men playfully touch each other's genitals as a sign of affection - and even that is considered heterosexual and "normal".

CocoCamm

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2007, 04:00:04 PM »
I think the co-worker definitely needs a boot into e-hell.  Actually, he needs to be fired.  I wouldn't keep an employee who is bound to make the rest of the staff uncomfortable.

But even if he is "in the closet," that is not a faux pas.  People can express their sexuality (or not) however they want. 

Besides, what is up with this "gaydar" stuff? 

In Eastern Europe, men go to the ballet and symphony all the time and they're pretty macho.  In parts of the Middle East, men kiss each other as friends - and they're VERY macho.  In different cultures, men do all sorts of things that are considered "g-a-y" here.  It's absolute nonsense.  You can enjoy music, cook, and be fashionable without it affecting who you sleep with.

The USA is one of the few places in the world where women who are platonic friends don't hold hands.  When living in another country, I held hands with my girlfriends.  There is a huge difference between holding hands with a friend and holding hands with someone you are sexually attracted to.  (Just like there is with hugging.)  I still can't figure out what the big deal is here in the US.

The US is so fussy about things like that.  It's one of the things that annoys me about the culture. 

OK, off my soap box.

i completely agree with you. i have even seen arab men playfully touch each other's genitals as a sign of affection - and even that is considered heterosexual and "normal".

Seriously? I know in the US we can be pretty prudish but that just seems totally...wrong.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 04:02:18 PM by Aleyria »

Venus193

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2007, 04:06:25 PM »
Not to derail this thread, but I agree.  Read the Princess Sultana books by Jeanne Sasson for further information.





absinthe

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2007, 04:25:35 PM »
I think the co-worker definitely needs a boot into e-hell.  Actually, he needs to be fired.  I wouldn't keep an employee who is bound to make the rest of the staff uncomfortable.

But even if he is "in the closet," that is not a faux pas.  People can express their sexuality (or not) however they want. 

Besides, what is up with this "gaydar" stuff? 

In Eastern Europe, men go to the ballet and symphony all the time and they're pretty macho.  In parts of the Middle East, men kiss each other as friends - and they're VERY macho.  In different cultures, men do all sorts of things that are considered "g-a-y" here.  It's absolute nonsense.  You can enjoy music, cook, and be fashionable without it affecting who you sleep with.

The USA is one of the few places in the world where women who are platonic friends don't hold hands.  When living in another country, I held hands with my girlfriends.  There is a huge difference between holding hands with a friend and holding hands with someone you are sexually attracted to.  (Just like there is with hugging.)  I still can't figure out what the big deal is here in the US.

The US is so fussy about things like that.  It's one of the things that annoys me about the culture. 

OK, off my soap box.

i completely agree with you. i have even seen arab men playfully touch each other's genitals as a sign of affection - and even that is considered heterosexual and "normal".

Seriously? I know in the US we can be pretty prudish but that just seems totally...wrong.

it does seem very strange, doesn't it? i just brought that up as an example of how different ideas regarding "gayness" can be in countries around the world. this is a practice that come from a culture that values masculinity very much, too.

SnugsMom

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2007, 06:00:08 PM »
The USA is one of the few places in the world where women who are platonic friends don't hold hands.  When living in another country, I held hands with my girlfriends.  There is a huge difference between holding hands with a friend and holding hands with someone you are sexually attracted to.  (Just like there is with hugging.)  I still can't figure out what the big deal is here in the US.

The US is so fussy about things like that.  It's one of the things that annoys me about the culture. 

OK, off my soap box.

Actually I live in New England and I do hold hands with platonic male and female friends.  And actually if we're in a crowded area like a club, we will hold hands more often than not, and not just to make sure you don't get separated from each other in the crowd but to demonstrate solidarity.  If you appear to be alone, you will get hit on by every drunk guy within a 5-mile radius.

I also snuggle with my best friend when we hang out and watch movies at home and she has been known to fall asleep on my shoulder in the movie theater.  We're not lesbians but I couldn't possibly give a crap less if anyone thinks we are.

snowflake

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2007, 06:14:53 PM »
Actually I live in New England and I do hold hands with platonic male and female friends.  And actually if we're in a crowded area like a club, we will hold hands more often than not, and not just to make sure you don't get separated from each other in the crowd but to demonstrate solidarity.  If you appear to be alone, you will get hit on by every drunk guy within a 5-mile radius.

I also snuggle with my best friend when we hang out and watch movies at home and she has been known to fall asleep on my shoulder in the movie theater.  We're not lesbians but I couldn't possibly give a crap less if anyone thinks we are.

Ah really?  I'm just on the macho coast then.  My siblings and I hold hands and snuggle.  I dumped one boyfriend because he told me that I couldn't sit with my arm around my brother.  Oh, and he said it was really gross when my sister fell asleep on my shoulder.  We are pretty strange over here.

kingsrings

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #12 on: March 09, 2007, 06:15:49 PM »
Those are innocent displays of affection. Sheesh, why are people so touchy about stuff like that? There are definite differences between friendly affection and romantic affection. Now in a case where Angelina Jolie kept constantly having mouth-to-mouth kisses with her brother at the Oscars years ago, that was pretty icky and strange.

SnugsMom

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Re: "g*a*y" coworker
« Reply #13 on: March 09, 2007, 06:36:32 PM »
Actually I live in New England and I do hold hands with platonic male and female friends.  And actually if we're in a crowded area like a club, we will hold hands more often than not, and not just to make sure you don't get separated from each other in the crowd but to demonstrate solidarity.  If you appear to be alone, you will get hit on by every drunk guy within a 5-mile radius.

I also snuggle with my best friend when we hang out and watch movies at home and she has been known to fall asleep on my shoulder in the movie theater.  We're not lesbians but I couldn't possibly give a crap less if anyone thinks we are.

Ah really?  I'm just on the macho coast then.  My siblings and I hold hands and snuggle.  I dumped one boyfriend because he told me that I couldn't sit with my arm around my brother.  Oh, and he said it was really gross when my sister fell asleep on my shoulder.  We are pretty strange over here.

Oh, you are clearly a perv.  Wait, I guess I am too.  Oh well!