Please help solve an argument

[miranova]

A birthday party starts at 6:30pm on a weeknight.  Host states that it is "ice cream and cake" on the invitation but it IS at the dinner hour.  She does not plan to serve anything but ice cream and cake.  Bad hosting or not? 

[Sterling]

How old are the children?  I ask because we always ate before 6 pm when I was small.  And my sister does the same with her 2 children. 

So I don't know if it is rude exactly or just not thinking that some people don't eat at 5:30 pm.  Actually come to think of it I still perfer to eat no later than 6 pm.

[Cz. Burrito]

A birthday party starts at 6:30pm on a weeknight.  Host states that it is "ice cream and cake" on the invitation but it IS at the dinner hour.  She does not plan to serve anything but ice cream and cake.  Bad hosting or not? 

I think it's bad form to host anything from 5-7 pm without serving dinner.

[kingsrings]

Agree, that time period is considered standard dinner time. And how old are these children? 6:30PM on a weeknight just doesn't sound like a good party idea for children.

[platys]

It depends on the area.   Personally, I'm just getting home at 6:30 at night and rarely eat until 7.  I'd expect dinner, or least something resembling munchies to be served at a gathering that started at 6:30.

[Shoo]

A birthday party starts at 6:30pm on a weeknight.  Host states that it is "ice cream and cake" on the invitation but it IS at the dinner hour.  She does not plan to serve anything but ice cream and cake.  Bad hosting or not? 

For a birthday party at 6:30 p.m. on a weeknight, we would be sending our regrets.  And I agree that at that time, the host should be serving a meal. 

[Squeaks]

I think the age should be taken into consideration, at some ages it would be far worse to host a party that starts past a traditional time for little ones to be out so as to make sure to be past dinner time.

With little ones there are other issues at hand – it is considerate for the host to avoid having a party likely to interfere with work or school – 6:30 seems late enough that most 8-5ers can be home and get the little one to the party with out too much rushing, and again it is considerate to try to have the party over in time so as to avoid fights over bedtime or curfews. I thank you would have to start at 8:00 to somewhat safely avoid dinner time and that likely seems pretty late for a week night kids party to start.

Likewise People esp. kids eat dinner at varying times for some 4:30-5:30 is pretty normal in which case the party is fine likewise if people work later hours 8:00-9:00 is not that uncommon (figure is someone works till 6 has a 30 minute drive to pick up kid 30 to get home you are at 7 dinner in an hour would be Predicting when people eat dinner is really a tough one.

Also not everyone is as rigid about dinner for many it would be no big deal to grab fast food on the way to the party, and likewise you could have dessert first at the party and dinner later, re-warmed when you get home – I see little wrong with either option.

She informed you of what is being served – that is the most critical point, the kids will be fed something, and the guests are free to work around the time/food as needed.  There is no reason someone can not eat sooner or latter on some occasions.  Heck some people might love to ditch the kid with a quick burger then a party around dinner so the adults can have a nice dinner out. 

I don’t think it was rude (I think it is odd to have a kids B-day party during the week) there are too many other ways she could offend for me to hold this against the host, and what is being served is disclosed – that to me is the most important thing. 

[miranova]

Thanks for the replies so far.

A few clarifications, most of the people invited are adults.  Also, I am not a friend of the host and am not being invited, it's just a disagreement between me and someone else as to whether or not it is bad hosting.  Somewhat theoretical since I'm not going, but based on a real situation, if that makes sense.  Basically I just like to debate things and see if my instincts hold up to accepted etiquette.  My instinct says that assuming that people can eat early enough to get there by 6:30 is a little inconsiderate.  Not HORRIBLE, but not something I would do.  I would definitely be serving some kind of food at 6:30.

Also, the party is on the weeknight because the mother insists that the party has to be on the child's actual birthday, because if the party were on the weekend,a) people would stay too long and b)she would feel like she would be putting other people's convenience ahead of her daughter.

[Shoo]

Oh, wow.  Cake and ice cream for an adult birthday party?  That's, uh, interesting.

[miranova]

It's a child's birthday, but mostly adults in attendance. 

[Harriet Jones]

I think it's bad hosting to have only cake & ice cream during the dinner hour.  Is this going to be a short party or is she expecting people to eat dinner at 5?

[kathrynne]

Given that timing and "menu," I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that my guests had all run into each other at the fast food joint nearest my home and eaten dinner on the way over. By the time people get home from work, 6:30 doesn't leave most a whole lot of time to cook, eat and freshen up before having to be out the door for the party.

I'm not sure my birthday was ever celebrated on my birthday. Everything was always done on weekends, and since my brother and I have birthdays two weeks apart (now DH is in the middle of that!) we compromised with one family party somewhere in the middle.

[blarg314]

Cake and ice cream only, for adults, on a work night, at 6:30 pm is ludicrous. Even for kids, it would be problematic.

Most people I know rarely get home from work that early. For people who are coordinating carpools, picking kids up from school and day care, and so on, it's probably not worth the effort to get to the party.  Plus, how hungry are you going to be after wolfing down an order of fast food?

That is one situation where showing up at the event with a McDonald's bag in hand, chewing a mouthful of hamburger, wouldn't be much of a faux pas.

The hosts should either serve some sort of dinner like substance - they could probably get away with veggies and dip, cheese tray and crackers and nachos and salsa, move the party to a weekend, or shift it to about 8 pm.

[Sharnita]

Like anything else, the hostess may choose her time and date and her menu. It would be bad hostessing if she hadn't clarified that there would only be cake and ice cream. SInce people are aware they are now entitled to accept or refuse the invite but I don't see the need to criticize it.

FWIW, since mostly adults are invited it is not out of the realm of possibility for them to eat their dessert first and still go home to have dinner.

Sounds like the parents are keeping the event low key and fairly brief. Better this than a weekend long extravaganza. Of course, what do I know - I think cake and ice cream for an adult birthday is perfectly acceptable.

[ShadesOfGrey]

She informed you of what is being served – that is the most critical point, the kids will be fed something, and the guests are free to work around the time/food as needed.  There is no reason someone can not eat sooner or latter on some occasions.  Heck some people might love to ditch the kid with a quick burger then a party around dinner so the adults can have a nice dinner out. 

I don’t think it was rude (I think it is odd to have a kids B-day party during the week) there are too many other ways she could offend for me to hold this against the host, and what is being served is disclosed – that to me is the most important thing. 

Hey Squeaks, in practice, ITA - once in a while an inconvenient time/date/location shouldnt really be offensive.  I read the OP to be asking in general whether or not hostessing a party during typical dinner hours and not serving dinner would be rude.  And, in general, it is not proper etiquette (think about those hosting an evening wedding reception with only appetizers/desserts).  Over time, if the hostess continues to do this, she might understand why it is rude only when people stop showing up for her parties (though I do give her credit for letting the guests know what will be served - a very important point!).