Night Out with the Boys.....(kinda long but FUNNY!!!)

[ginlyn32]

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiance/Husband/SO:_______________________

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:

Date:____________            Time of departure:_________________           Time of return NOT to exceed:_____________


Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volumeof alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even it permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiance/wife/SO retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for valid reason whatsoever.


Amounts of alcohol allowed (units) Beer:_____    Wine:_____        Liquor_____       Total:_____


Locations to be visited            Location:______________       From:_________   To:_____________
                                          Location:______________       From:_________   To:_____________
                                          Location:______________       From:_________   To:_____________


Females with whom conversation is permitted:______________________________________________


IMPORANT--STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within on hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dance. Violation of this Stripper Cause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it's not me. I promise to abide by your rules and regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in flowers and chocolate. You deserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should i not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain form waking you up, breathing my vile breath in you face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed----Boyfriend/Fiance/Husband/SO ______________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Request is APPROVED_______   DENIED_________

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
...
Permission for my boyfriend/fiance/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date:__________   Time of Departure:____________    Time of Return:___________
Signed--Girlfriend/Fiancee/Wife/SO:______________________________________________



APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

Name of Girlfriend/Fiance/Wife/SO:________________________________________________

I'm going out.

Signed: (me) ___________________________________________

[jais]

I absolutely LOVE this, but when I sent it to BF, he said it made him feel "bad" and wouldn't elaborate! 

[madmusician]

I think I need to keep this for future reference!!

So funny! Thanks!

[Bijou]

I disagree with the Boys Night Out Contract.  There should be no need for one, since no male attached to a female (unless it's their grandmother, mother, sister, aunts, first cousins or elderly grammar school teachers)  should need or desire to go out with the boys.   
However, I think the Girls Night Out contract is perfect.

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

Jellybean tells the guys when they go out "Yeah, we can go wherever, but Xanthia inspects me for Stripper Sparkles as soon as I walk in the door."

Truth be told, I do not care if he sees strippers, but he does not like it, he thinks it is "icky".  The joke started when they were planning his bachelor party, one of the guys wanted to go for a weekend in Vegas, and I explained how that would not be possible since I had to be there to inspect him for Stripper Sparkles at the end of each evening.

[sparksals]

The sad thing is I think some women would take this seriously!

[Lisbeth]

Cute...it reminds me of a poster I once had called "The Rules."

Said poster was destroyed when my parents' house caught fire.