I used it...and used it....and used it! (very long)

[ScottandCaitlin777]

CRUD MONKEYS!, I laughed so hard at some of these replies!  Seriously, I need an update...

My votes for:
1. Laughing with a friend
2. Sweet Southern Bell
3. Keeping tallies
4. The "great, b/c I'm so glad I didn't marry a *$% light you!" telling him off 
5. "Oh...I'm just...so...sad about that...*bawl*" 

[Marbles]

I've seen him twice. Both times, Dh stayed close so he didn't have much of an opportunity to insult me. (he won't do it when Dh is near and since I told Dh about what was going on, he doesn't want to leave me alone near John).

Go Felica's DH! I'm glad that he isn't leaving you in a position to be bullied by this boor.

If John can't say something in from of your DH, he shouldn't be saying it at all. Shame on him for insulting you.

[Hushabye]

John:  I don't find women as small as you attractive at all.

Would it be rude to say "That's good"?  Yeah, it probably would be...  *sighs*

Bonus points for your DH and even more negative points to John for being such a pansy as to insult you to your face but not to your husband's face.

[pollymel]

This is so old, it's probably not an issue, but reading over the thread, I thought the keeping score would be wonderful with an added bit. 

Whenever your husband comes back, tell him the score either whisper, hand gesture or if you're really annoyed out loud, both of you look at John and laugh.  He's trying so hard to insult you behind your husband's back, the fact that it's known and not even considered insulting would be really irritating. 

For bonus points, you can audibly or visibly keep count. 

[Dandy Andy's Daddy's Love]

but he said it with this HUGE grin on his face

The next time he pulls any of this crap on you, look him dead in the eyes and say "You know John, passive aggressive is still aggressive." When he asks you what you mean, call him on it flat out. "What you said is very insulting, but you phrased it in a way that would avoid confrontation. That's called passive aggressiveness." Of course at this point he's going to completely deny it so the next thing you say is this: "People and things are not better by comparison. Either someone is to you attractive or they are not. Either someone's car is good or it is not. When you say this person is better looking than this person, you are not complimenting the "better looking person" you are insulting the "unattractive" person. Beauty needs no comparison. When you say that someone's decorating style is better than someone elses, what your really saying is one person's style is inadequate. If something is truly good, it doesn't need something to be worse in order to prove it. Your lousy attempts at complimenting your wife are falling flat. If I were her, I would be very insulted to be constantly compared to someone else. Perhaps you could try giving your wife a genuine compliment next time, instead of a thinly veiled insult to me. I don't appreciate the attention."

This is one of those times that etiquette calls for someone to be made uncomfortable. Seriously, make him squirm. He's earned it.

[JenJay]

As I said in the OP, it seems to just be me.

Thought I'd let you guys get some giggles about the ridiculous levels he reaches on some of these barbs.

While discussing a plant that I've kept alive for ten years (which I thought was pretty impressive) "Oh Lisa can grow anything. She has houseplants that are as old as she is and they just thrive!"

While discussing books "Oh Lisa reads much better authors. She has such good taste in literature."

While discussing an outfit someone else complimented me on, "I'd never choose something like that. It's not flattering on you at all. Lisa's sense of style is so much nicer."

While discussing an online game that everyone got hooked on for a while (I had gleefully told my score to someone) "Is that all you've gotten? Lisa made 54, 4478 points in just two hours yesterday. I guess not everyone can be good at that sort of hand/eye coordination stuff."

While discussing a stupid trip to the grocery store! "Lisa is a much better bargain shopper than that! She always saves us at least 50 dollars at the store and we eat like kings!"

And here's the real kicker- I was talking to a friend who asked me about my crocs, which are tan he said "Lisa doesn't wear those ugly things. And if she did, I'm sure she'd pick a more lively color. Tan is really unoriginal."

The croc thing really got me. I was like "Dude, they're plastic shoes! Who cares?" to which he said, "Well, women should always be conscious of looking cheap."  I thought, whoa, did he just call me cheap? Then my friend asked him that exact thing at the same time Dh walked up and asked what we were talking about. Dh, who also had on a pair of tan crocs! John changed the subject.

I'd love nothing more than to advise you to laugh at him (I did that once to someone who was being beyond dismissive/pushy with me and it worked!), but unfortunately I think this really is an insecurity issue so that would just make it worse.

First of all I'd stop being around the jerks. I'd flat out refuse to be in the same room with them, ever. If that's not an option then it's time to say something.

John: Blah, blah you suck and my wife rocks.
You: *calm tone, head tilted, quizzical expression* Why do you do that?
John: Do what? Why are you so sensitive?
You: I'm not oversensitive. You insult me every chance you get. It used to really bother me and I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out what I'd done to offend you. But then I realized I've never done anything, so you must just enjoy it. So again I have to ask - why is that?
John: No I don't. It's not my fault if you can't handle me complimenting my wife.
You: Of course I can, your wife is lovely. But you always, without fail, make a comment about something I'm saying/doing/wearing/reading/etc. and insult me and tell me how Lisa would do it so much better. Why do you do that?

The key is to be consistent - every single time he does this to you remain calm and ask him in all seriousness "Why do you do that?". This guy KNOWS he's doing something wrong, that's why he keeps his mouth shut when your Dh is around. Call him out! It might take a time or two but I bet you he'll quit. In fact, best case scenario he avoids you all together - it's a win/win!

[Piratelvr1121]

See, I'm with some others and I think that I would have to say something.  I would not say,"Have I done something to offend you?"  I would say:

"So, were you born an "donkey" or is this something you just strive for?  Obviously you have no problem insulting me under the disguise of paying false compliments to your wife.  What, is putting someone else down the only way you can get it up?" 

Also, I think he may be jealous/attracted to you.  After all the man does protest too much.

You know, that jumped out at me too!  Right where he called you too skinny and that he's not attracted to skinny women.  Which, I'm sure made Lisa feel wonderful.      

In college, I had a guy friend say the same thing to me.  I was skinny and bony in places, but that's just how I'm built.   His girlfriend was just slightly curvier than me, but by no means fat.    He would constantly say "You're too skinny for me."   And I care because...?

[rhirhi]

This beast (oops, I mean guy  ) reminds me of my FIL...well, kind of.  I'll be talking to BIL and SIL about something I'm making, or SIL will be telling me about one of her projects, and FIL will say something out of the blue like..."Well, Lisa (her name, how coincidental...) can do X," totally off-topic.  I just kind of pretend I didn't hear him, and he usually doesn't repeat it.  I know he's saying it because he feels slightly insecure and slightly regretful that he married her.  Long story short, she's the meanest woman I've ever met, and doesn't treat SIL very well, and he's aware, but she has his man parts in a vice and he's too comfortable to divorce her.  So he's stuck.

Anyway, I combined a few suggestions for you:  "Ho ho ho, DH, did you hear what dear ol' JOHN just said?  He's SOOOOO funny!  Tee hee!" *tally mark* "Hey John, that's 30 times you've insulted me today!  You owe me a drink!"  *giggle with other friend or DH*

That would mortify him, especially if you said it loud enough that everyone heard that you were keeping track.  Or told them beforehand.   

If you tell people what you are doing, encourage betting!

'Alright, people, the tally is 30! Who won this week?'

[Aldonza]

Okay I know this thread is old but I am over here DYING for an update on the "Perfect Lisa" saga!!!! 

[Kaora]

I would ask John or, more directly, Lisa if they would like me to show Lisa how to make these bead creations.  After all, if its so easy, she can do it herself. 

Or, more aptly, treat what John is saying as a giant laugh..  A good joke.  But that's evil me, I just know bullies hate it when it doesn't irritate people.

Eviler me would make a comment on his complete lack of... dingleberries, but that's not so etiquette correct.  Pardon me.   

(I once got fed up at bf's older brother, who used to place blame on everything but himself.  His parents let him get away with it.  This got frustrating because we wanted to play a game online and politely asked his family to stop using the internet for all of a half hour (no complaints, and yes, its okay with BF's family.)  When his older brother kept using the computer, and streaming videos (heavy lag if you're playing a game on their ISP's speed), and kept asking him to stop and he said he wasn't doing anything, I kind of lost my cool with him, went over there, logged him off BF's computer, and said some... um, less than etiquette hell things when he questioned if me doing that made me feel more powerful.  I was just fed up with his behavior and how he treated his brothers.  Forgive me, eHell?  )

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

I would ask John or, more directly, Lisa if they would like me to show Lisa how to make these bead creations.  After all, if its so easy, she can do it herself. 

Or, more aptly, treat what John is saying as a giant laugh..  A good joke.  But that's evil me, I just know bullies hate it when it doesn't irritate people.

Eviler me would make a comment on his complete lack of... dingleberries, but that's not so etiquette correct.  Pardon me.   

(I once got fed up at bf's older brother, who used to place blame on everything but himself.  His parents let him get away with it.  This got frustrating because we wanted to play a game online and politely asked his family to stop using the internet for all of a half hour (no complaints, and yes, its okay with BF's family.)  When his older brother kept using the computer, and streaming videos (heavy lag if you're playing a game on their ISP's speed), and kept asking him to stop and he said he wasn't doing anything, I kind of lost my cool with him, went over there, logged him off BF's computer, and said some... um, less than etiquette hell things when he questioned if me doing that made me feel more powerful.  I was just fed up with his behavior and how he treated his brothers.  Forgive me, eHell?  )

who's computor was it ? was it your's or your bf's ?

[Kaora]

I would ask John or, more directly, Lisa if they would like me to show Lisa how to make these bead creations.  After all, if its so easy, she can do it herself.  

Or, more aptly, treat what John is saying as a giant laugh..  A good joke.  But that's evil me, I just know bullies hate it when it doesn't irritate people.

Eviler me would make a comment on his complete lack of... dingleberries, but that's not so etiquette correct.  Pardon me.  

(I once got fed up at bf's older brother, who used to place blame on everything but himself.  His parents let him get away with it.  This got frustrating because we wanted to play a game online and politely asked his family to stop using the internet for all of a half hour (no complaints, and yes, its okay with BF's family.)  When his older brother kept using the computer, and streaming videos (heavy lag if you're playing a game on their ISP's speed), and kept asking him to stop and he said he wasn't doing anything, I kind of lost my cool with him, went over there, logged him off BF's computer, and said some... um, less than etiquette hell things when he questioned if me doing that made me feel more powerful.  I was just fed up with his behavior and how he treated his brothers.  Forgive me, eHell?   )

who's computor was it ? was it your's or your bf's ?

BF's.  His elder was sitting behind us, so we could all see/ hear him do it (clicking and all) even when he denied it, didn't quit after BF asked him repedeatly to get off his machine, and I knew BF didn't want to start a fight because it'd probably end up in a brawl.  Brotherly love my...  

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

Ahhh thank you for that.

It's BF's so perhaps BF should put a password on it, so Bro cn't use it. Just a thought

[Kaora]

Ahhh thank you for that.

It's BF's so perhaps BF should put a password on it, so Bro cn't use it. Just a thought

Yeah, it did have one.  Just he was on before we started, so yeah... sorry for not being so clear

[JadeAngel]

John:  I don't find women as small as you attractive at all.

That's okay John, I don't find men as small as you attractive either... 

(aaaaand...HiHo HiHo It's off to E-hell I go...)