I used it...and used it....and used it! (very long)

[Twik]

Do you know what I think MAY have sparked this?

Perhaps John had, at one point, been very appreciative of you - verbally, to the point that Lisa's feelings got hurt. Finally, she blew up at him - "I'm sick of hearing how pretty, smart, classy, etc. Felicia is! If I ever hear it again, I'm leaving!"

John gets scared.  He decides to (a) reassure Lisa that he doesn't REALLY think you hung the sun and the moon, and (b) pay you back for, in his warped logic, getting HIM in trouble. So, he makes very sure to run you down, not just in private, but in public as well.

[wolfie]

Reply with a big smile and \"of course she could\" and a little wink

You know the tone - the one that sounds patronizing and like you don\'t believe him. And if he calls you on it say \"why - did I say something insulting? I was just agreeing with you\"

[smidget23]

Honestly I don't get any idea that either one of them was attracted to you. To me it seems more to be a jealousy issue. They want to make sure that you and everyone present knows that no matter what, Lisa is currently and will always be better than you. Quite frankly it's weird. I can't believe that she's actually there condoning his behavior. Are they like this with others or have they singled you out? I agree with you not telling him that you're offended. He does seem to want that. I also don't think that interesting assumption will work. I don't see beandip working any better unfortunately. Ignoring them seems to be the next best step.

[Felica]

As I said in the OP, it seems to just be me.

Thought I'd let you guys get some giggles about the ridiculous levels he reaches on some of these barbs.

While discussing a plant that I've kept alive for ten years (which I thought was pretty impressive) "Oh Lisa can grow anything. She has houseplants that are as old as she is and they just thrive!"

While discussing books "Oh Lisa reads much better authors. She has such good taste in literature."

While discussing an outfit someone else complimented me on, "I'd never choose something like that. It's not flattering on you at all. Lisa's sense of style is so much nicer."

While discussing an online game that everyone got hooked on for a while (I had gleefully told my score to someone) "Is that all you've gotten? Lisa made 54, 4478 points in just two hours yesterday. I guess not everyone can be good at that sort of hand/eye coordination stuff."

While discussing a stupid trip to the grocery store! "Lisa is a much better bargain shopper than that! She always saves us at least 50 dollars at the store and we eat like kings!"

And here's the real kicker- I was talking to a friend who asked me about my crocs, which are tan he said "Lisa doesn't wear those ugly things. And if she did, I'm sure she'd pick a more lively color. Tan is really unoriginal."

The croc thing really got me. I was like "Dude, they're plastic shoes! Who cares?" to which he said, "Well, women should always be conscious of looking cheap."  I thought, whoa, did he just call me cheap? Then my friend asked him that exact thing at the same time Dh walked up and asked what we were talking about. Dh, who also had on a pair of tan crocs! John changed the subject.

[smidget23]

WOW!!! He just sounds really unstable. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it, but the levels that he's going to are funny. I'm loving the houseplants as old as she is. I for one can't keep plants alive now, much less while I was in utero. lol. I'm beginning to rethink the ignoring them advice that I gave earlier. It's just too entertaining. lol.  *hugs* though.

[Stormtreader]

I think it may be time for DH to possibly have a quiet 'word' with this guy.
It almost sounds like he thinks you may have a crush on him by mentioning Lisa in every sentance, bu thte fact he doesnt do it when DH is there puts a much more icky vibe on things.

PS Is it too evil to dream about you doing the same to him?

"I'd never choose something like that. It's not flattering on you at all. Lisa's sense of style is so much nicer."
"I dont know, DH always says that *style of clothes lisa wears* looks a bit....trailertrash. Hes a real style guru!"

"Lisa is a much better bargain shopper than that! She always saves us at least 50 dollars at the store and we eat like kings!"
"DH always says how wonderful it is that we're doing so well we dont need to look for bargains."

"Lisa doesn't wear those ugly things. And if she did, I'm sure she'd pick a more lively color. Tan is really unoriginal."
"DH says the real smart shoppers buy Crocs, theyre so good for your feet. I guess not everyone likes the same classy and refined colours me and DH do."

I know it would be far too rude to ever say these things, but i hope the thought might get you through some of his boorishness. And every insult is a new mental challenge!

[hobish]

Oh my goodness, what a clod!

Are you sure you can't even steer clear of him at the monthly meetings ... even though it could be such fun to egg him on?  Seriously, he sounds kind of whacked.

I like the idea of either asking him to repeat himself until he is practically yelling, or ignoring him completely. That might be just because i thnk it would be sort of funny.

Have you ver thought you saw something out of the corner of your eye; but when you turned your head there was nothing there? I think something like that might work ... just look right through him, as if you thought you heard/saw something but are mistaken.

Good grief, and good luck ... they both sound like real pieces of work.

[Tagy]

Or how about an old, tried and true Southern tradition?

Awww, bless yourl heart, you really think that Lisa's special, don't you? (put hand on your heart and sigh)  That's just the sweetest thing!

[hobish]

Or how about an old, tried and true Southern tradition?

Awww, bless yourl heart, you really think that Lisa's special, don't you? (put hand on your heart and sigh)  That's just the sweetest thing!

LOVE it! ! ! ! !

[AprilRenee]

Nothing takes the wind out of a persons sails like when you agree with them.

John-you must be anorexic

you-yup. sure am. This chicken is great!

John-You must dye your hair.

You-yup, that's it. You got me

John-I'm sure laura would be a better teacher.

you-yup. she should would!

Just say it in a bland, monotone voice. Don't defend, don't comment back except to agree with him. Have your friends with you do the same thing.

OR, even more fun..when you have a friend with you who knows how he treats you...everytime he says something mean look at your friend and BOTH of you bust out in giggles. Just laugh hysterically. And then don't respond, just go back to talking normally. When he interjects, do it again.

[C0mputerGeek]

Felicia,

I have to admit that the explanation of John being attracted to you occured to me as well. It's as if he is trying to break the lure of your sirene call by constantly putting you down.

However, upon further reflection, it sounds like both he and his wife are jealous of you, and are trying to tear you down. Is there any chance that John is afraid of your DH? Perhaps the reason he does not do this around your husband is because John is afraid of him.

I am not sure what these monthly meetings are for, but I would try very hard to exclude both John and Lisa until they learned how to interact with adults. Other than that, your options could be to:

1) Return John's comments with your own left-handed compliment. "Oh, you would never be attracted to someone as thin as me. That's delightful to hear because there is absolutely nothing about you I find appealing in the slightest. I am so glad I don't have to worry about that."

2) Ignore him utterly and completely. If he speaks to you, give him a blank look. Find something else to catch your attention when he tries to engage you in conversation.

3) Follow each of his comments with the question, "Why on earth would what you think be of any interest to me,"

[AFwife_3boys]

Or how about an old, tried and true Southern tradition?

Awww, bless yourl heart, you really think that Lisa's special, don't you? (put hand on your heart and sigh)  That's just the sweetest thing!

I vote for THIS ^! It is the PERFECT way to get him back without making you look bad or rude or anything else! I love it!

[gjcva1]

Felica, can you great Lisa effusively next time, say how wonderful it is to see her again, say hello to John, then sit at the other end of the table, away from them?  if you can't avoid the situation, can you avoid being close to these two?

[Oxymoroness]

I've found that this works well with people who consistently try to make other people look and feel foolish. Spectators will only notice the loud person and not the other one, and it turns the tables on the jerk. Here's a bit of sample dialog to illustrate:

John: Lisa is so much prettier, smarter, and more talented than other women.
Felica: Hmm? I didn't catch that.
John (a bit slower): I said, Lisa is so much prettier, smarter, and more talented than other women.
Felica: I'm sorry, John, I think this wind is drowning you out. Could you please repeat that?
John (loud and very slow): I SAID, LISA IS SO MUCH PRETTIER, SMARTER, AND MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER WOMEN.
Felica: Gosh this is embarrassing, but I just can't understand what you're saying. Could you say that just one more time?

At this point, he'll either have to shut up or everyone around will be staring at him. It's easier to do it than it is to explain it, so you'll need to actually do this to see how effective it is. You might also try answering as though he just said something about the weather or his bunions. Add a tolerant, sympathetic smile to finish.

Hee Hee! The Willy Wonka approach! 

[Hanna]

Or how about an old, tried and true Southern tradition?

Awww, bless yourl heart, you really think that Lisa's special, don't you? (put hand on your heart and sigh)  That's just the sweetest thing!

LOVE IT!

Or you could just be really direct.  "Wow, John, you certainly spend alot of time comparing me to Lisa.  My car, my crafts, my hair, my occupation.  Is it so hard to find a way to compliment your wife without insulting me?  Because it's gone beyond rude to downright creepy at this point."

I have never heard of a grown man acting this way.  I don't know how you can bear this jerk.  It's like he's obsessed with you.