I used it...and used it....and used it! (very long)

[petal]

hes a bully  plain and simple


next time he makes a comment that you consider insulting  just smile at him

then when your hubby comes back in  you can say  "john was just telling me that im a bottle blond, not as nice as lisa's brown hair"

then lets see if john falls over himself to contradict himself

bullies dont like to be shown up  so show john up for what he is


to be honest   is this a friendship/relationship you need in your life?   If its not  then why are you wasting your precious time with them?

[Hanna]

I like Petal's idea.

[Hanna]

*Yes*. Sorry, Felicia, but John wants your bod. And Lisa either a) thinks she's better than you, as Dragons8 has suggested or b) is jealous of you and so loves to see you 'taken down a peg'. Whether he realises it or not I'd bet my left arm his attraction is what's providing the extra venom he's dishing out to you.

I doubt Lisa truly thinks she is better, though.  Because when you really think you are better than someone, you rarely feel a need to prove it to them or try to rub their noses in it.

I like so many of the ideas here.
Another one:  "Oh John!  I am just devastated to hear that!  Because it is SO terribly important to me what YOU think!  Until now, I was always pretty happy with myself and my life choices, and I know DH is too, but since YOU don't feel that way I will surely be changing my ways."  Smile while you are saying it, like it is hilarious!

[Shortcake]

I like Petal's idea.

I like Petal's idea too!

I also like the  "Bless your heart!"  idea!

What jerks! Lisa may not actively participate in the conversation, but the smile on her face shows she condones it!   

I agree with the pps: Either John and Lisa are jealous of you or Lisa has told her husband some negative things about you!

[MyFamily]

Felicia - as gross as it may sound, John thinks you are hot.  And Lisa - she is jealous of you.  You also said this started when you first met John, so I think Lisa's jealousy of you began before she met John.  And one of the ways John validates her need for self-esteem boosts is to insult you.

Next time you are with these people, try to sit with someone who also realizes what a boor John is and make sure you are both on the same page of ignoring him.  Because, what is he going to do - complain that you are ignoring him while he insults you?

[Hawkwatcher]

LOVE IT!

Or you could just be really direct.  "Wow, John, you certainly spend alot of time comparing me to Lisa.  My car, my crafts, my hair, my occupation.  Is it so hard to find a way to compliment your wife without insulting me?  Because it's gone beyond rude to downright creepy at this point."

I have never heard of a grown man acting this way.  I don't know how you can bear this jerk.  It's like he's obsessed with you.

I agree that his behavior is creepy.  I wonder how John would respond to Felica comparing him unfavorably to her husband in order to explain why she could never be attracted to him.  I suspect that he would not be as gracious as she has been.

[caranfin]

I think it sounds more like jealousy than attraction. Either John or Lisa is horribly jealous of the OP. Or maybe they both are.

[Poppea]

Well, its weird.  He "could" be insulting Felicia because he is jealous of her husband.  By insulting her (as an object owned by FDH), he is insulting her husband indirectly.  The wife is enjoying the insults.  Whatever the motivation, John is very competitive and sees Felicia as a rival to his wife. Thats why he keeps comparing them.

'Bless your heart" seems the be the best strategy. 

[Calypso]

There are some great suggestions on this thread. And, Felicia, add my voice to those who are saying you're handling this wonderfully and I can't believe how patient you were.

Now, how can we add something that will keep you from having to stew about it afterward...

I LOVE the keeping score idea (with no explanation, of course) or the having someone else who knows the story burst into laughter with you everytime he does this (to help this along, since he will start to pitch these comments so only you can hear, you may have to get "helper" to sit as close as possible to you, and relay each comment to Helper..."Helper, John says he's not attracted to women who are my size," ...pause, look at each other, simultaneous bursting into laughter.

If the table was small enough, and the group dynamic such that this was possible, I'd love to see EVERYONE in on the gag...each time he pulls one of these, everybody stand up, turn around, sit down....resume as if nothing was going on...

He's already halfway to psychopath...many of these strategies would drive him completely around the bend, I think. And good riddance.
And what's up with Lisa? She's being a total (female dog).

what completely pathetic specimans of humanity.

[veraobsession]

I think that his wife had gotten it into her head that he has the hots for you. This may be his strange way of trying to reassure his wife. I dont think its aimed at you...its just being done so his wife can hear.

"See honey? I dont like her. I told her in front of everyone that I like your hair/body/style/whatever better than what she has. How could I like her more?"

 What is she doing during these conversations?

[TootsNYC]

I think he DOES have the hots for you. And I think you need to share this whole exchange and this theory w/ DH, and ask him to make sure you never have to sit by him.

And maybe DH can say, in a big, stern, manly way, that John needs to leave his wife alone.

Another option is to stop him in the middle of his sentence and say, "John, please do not comment on my appearance, on my family, or on anything else about me."

And then go back to eating.

Or, I like the idea of telling everyone else at the table or in the room, and even Lisa, what he just said. "Oh, Grandma, John just told me he doesn't like straight blond hair, he prefers curly hair like Lisa's."

[soetkin]

It does sound like dipping pigtails in ink, doesn't it. What childish behaviour from an adult.

[Just Lori]

As much as I think Felica is worthy of being the object of anyone's obsessions, I don't think this is a schoolboy crush.  I think this is a matter of old-fashioned competition.  I think John and his wife are narcissists who believe they are better than their peers.  Anyone who threatens this line of thinking has to be put in their place.

To further the competition angle, John may need to believe that he has the hottest wife in the neighborhood.  That's nice, in a sense.  Every man should believe his wife is a treasure, and vice versa.  But John sees Felica as a threat to that mindset.  How can Lisa possibly be such a prize when people seem to like Felica so much?  Consequently, John must put Felica in her place to maintain his status of the group stud, at least in his own mind.

It's all very sad, really.  Sad, but annoying.  

[Shortcake]

There are some great suggestions on this thread. And, Felicia, add my voice to those who are saying you're handling this wonderfully and I can't believe how patient you were.

If the table was small enough, and the group dynamic such that this was possible, I'd love to see EVERYONE in on the gag...each time he pulls one of these, everybody stand up, turn around, sit down....resume as if nothing was going on...

He's already halfway to psychopath...many of these strategies would drive him completely around the bend, I think. And good riddance.
And what's up with Lisa? She's being a total (female dog).

what completely pathetic specimans of humanity.

ITA! Felica, you are handling this wonderfully! I would love to see the whole group in on a gag like Calypso suggested. That would be a riot! I don't think it could happen in real life, but we can dream can't we? 

Edited to correct spelling

[sammycat]

How can Lisa possibly be such a prize when people seem to like Felica so much?  Consequently, John must put Felica in her place to maintain his status of the group stud, at least in his own mind.

Now that's a very interesting point.  Felica, to put this rather childishly, are you more popular than Lisa?  Could it be that John and Lisa are jealous of the fact that you are held in higher regard by your social group than they are and this is their way of trying to bring you down to their level?