Best/Funny Fake Curse words

[purplemuse]

I heard "Son of a preacher man!" on Monk, which cracked me up.

[Sandi Papaya]

I use "frak" from Battlestar Galactica in place of the f-word.

I also use "Holy flurking schnitt!" (featured in an episode of The Simpsons) when faced with something incredible/amazing/etc.

[Warbaby]

When provoked sufficiently, I can make a Parris Island DI blush.  I do try very seriously not to do that and I never, ever use that kind of language in the presence of children or ladies.

I have been known to substitute, "Great Gobs of Goose Grease" for some of my more colorful language.

[DaeOne]

Son of a biscuit eater is one I use often.

Like Warbaby, I can really "blue" up the air. I try so hard not to though.

[dawbs]

fewments  

Good Golly Miss Molly.

Golly gee whillikers (which never sounds as pissed it should--I use that one when I've got little pitchers around for that reason; it never scares 'em because it never sounds all that pissed)

Sugar-Fritters (thank you gramma)

Son of a Building Block

For the love of Peter Paul and Mary.

[Animala]

We use a lot of fake curse words and occasionally have contests to come up with the craziest one.

Right now I use Fried Okra a good bit.  The reason behind that is my school kids say sweet nibblets (I guess from a TV show- we don't watch much TV) and it started to get on my nerves so I'd say that every time they said sweet nibblets.  Apparently fried okra is just not as cool.

[Veronica]

You slug in a ditch!

[MsCopper]

I too can blue up the air something horrible. Mainly at work. 

Usually around family or kiddo's I'll use:

For the love of Larry! Stolen from a good friend of mine.

Jebus Crispies! Don't know where that came from but it stuck.

Crackers! Stolen from my fav Cousin who never swore a day in her life.

[Glaceon]

I've been known to use "Jeebus."  But my new substitute for everything is "frog."  I hurt myself, or something goes wrong - "FROGS!"  "Stupid frogging table."  "You frogger."  "Froggity frog."  I have no idea what made me start doing it, but I'm sticking with it.

[thebeckster]

I normally dislike fake curse words, but I love the ones from the old Michael Keaton gangster movie, Johnny Dangerously. DH and I still call people "farging iceholes" or "bastiges." 

I love Johnny Dangerously!

[Peppy]

I use "Piffel" to replace the F Bomb - got it from an older co-worker (about 8 years ago) when she would here me mutter under my breathe...

Background on her - kinda of scary - 4 kids, devote catholic - I swear I was waiting for the ruler to come across my knuckles :-) so her insistence of Piffel and un-humanlike hearing ... it stuck :-)

[thebeckster]

I work with a woman who frequently can best a sailor, but will also exclaim occasionally "Mother of Pearl!"

I always giggle when she says it.

[Crazy Chicken Lady]

I try to use "smurf" instead of the "f" word.
Smurf it
What the smurf

[Elle]

I can't believe no one has brought up the dirtiest, most offensive word in the universe: "Belgium!"

[Tabris]

These aren't funny, but I'm writing in a genre where swearing is generally discouraged, but I can't have Satan saying "dang it" so I've had to get creative. Most of the time in dialogue, you can actually get it across without the terms at all. But when I've needed to:

"Blast!" works really well for an exclamation
"Oh for crying out loud!" fills the mouth well and has a very nice rhythm

When I was told to give up swearing, I couldn't even think substitutions or I'd slip back into using the words out loud. Sad, really.