Dealing with potty language, and another question

[pblair38]

My 3YO DS has, predictably, fallen in love with the words poo-poo, pee-pee and stinky.  What to do?  Ignore it?  My DH has trouble with that approach.  But, of course, DS loves the attention he gets when he says one of those words, even if it is negative attention, so of course, he keeps doing it. 

Also, what do you do when your rhyming-infatuated preschooler happens upon the f-bomb while talking about rhyming words?  Duck, truck, cluck, muck, luck, f***.  Ignore it and hope he doesn't say it at school, or that if he does, it is taken in the context in which it is said, i.e. a string of words that rhyme with it? 

Penny

[graceh9]

ignoring works if it is a one off -- but when the kid is getting all sorts of attention and KNOWS that the word is forbidden and provocative then ignoring won't work
any more

if it persists there need to be consequences that provide as little attention as possible -- isolate the kidlet until he can talk in ways that are appropriate for society -- a possible use of time out if as little attention as possible can be given e.g. 'you need to stand in the time out corner until you can decide to use polite words'  or whatever

if you are out doing something fun -- then take him home -- with as little attention as possible

it is important to be matter of fact and not put on a show -- but ignoring just doesn't work in some situations and this is one of them once it escalates

been there done that, did better with the second kid than the first

[fklwmn]

I wish I had better advice here...

the potty words were never an issue with any of my kids. Mostly b/c, as long a they were used in context, I didn't think they were a big deal... and it never occurred to my boys to use them out of context. I guess the only time I said anything to them about those words would have been when they said something at dinner or while people were eating. Then I would have said something along the lines of "That's bathroom talk. We don't use bathroom talk at dinner."

I think I would address the f... (and other similar) rhyming words when they come out, b/c you DON'T want him saying them at school or elsewhere. I would jus t stop him and say "honey, don't say f.... You're right, it DOES rhyme with Duck, but it's a grown up word (or bad word, or whatever you decide to label profanity), and you are not allowed to use it. "

(I taught my kids that profanity is 'grown up words' for a few reasons. The first being, as toddlers, it is VERY clear to them that they are not grown ups and cannot do everything that grown ups do. It makes these words not forever forbidden, but just something they have to wait until they are older to use. The hope being that by the time they are grown ups, they will know when it is not okay to use those words. the other reason I taught them that is that I can NOT stand for kids to correct adults. The most common instance of this being when an adult forgets and curses in front of a child and they say "awwwwwwww! you said a BAD word!" or "Don't Say that! It's a BAD WORD!"  that drives me crazy! And lastly... IMO, words are not bad. They are just not always appropriate.)

[Venus193]

What do you do if you are a guest and the parent isn't bothered by potty language?  The child in question is 8 years old.  BTW, the child is corrected if he uses actual profanity.

[fklwmn]

What do you do if you are a guest and the parent isn't bothered by potty language?  The child in question is 8 years old.  BTW, the child is corrected if he uses actual profanity.

If the parents REALLY aren't bothered by it, then there is not much you can do. Maybe talk to them privately about what others will think hearing their child talk that way, if you are close enough to them that they will care what you have to say.

If you're close enough to the family you could even address the child directly. "You know, when you use those words it sounds really ugly and people will think you are not very smart (people will not want to be around you/ talk to you... fill in the blank with whatever is appropriate). *I* know how smart (fun, nice, sweet, etc...) you are, and it would be a shame for others to miss out on that part of you, wouldn't it?" etc... ut beware, if you are nto close enough to thte family, the parents might get angry at you for correcting their child.

[Venus193]

If you're close enough to the family you could even address the child directly. "You know, when you use those words it sounds really ugly and people will think you are not very smart (people will not want to be around you/ talk to you... fill in the blank with whatever is appropriate). *I* know how smart (fun, nice, sweet, etc...) you are, and it would be a shame for others to miss out on that part of you, wouldn't it?" etc... ut beware, if you are nto close enough to thte family, the parents might get angry at you for correcting their child.

That sounds reasonable.

[pblair38]

been there done that, did better with the second kid than the first

Some days I feel that my second DS is my only hope for that Mother of the Year award, because it just isn't gonna happen with my older one. 

Penny

[freakyfemme]

been there done that, did better with the second kid than the first

Some days I feel that my second DS is my only hope for that Mother of the Year award, because it just isn't gonna happen with my older one. 

Penny

What are you talking about?  From what you told us, your first son is brilliant.  He potty-trained himself in one day, after watching a video, he takes art and gymnastics, and he's *normally* very polite.  Right now, he's just being three, and experimenting with words.......about that, the line my mom always used was "You wouldn't go to McDonald's and eat out of the dumpster, or go to the park and roll around in dog poop, so you shouldn't use 'dumpster' language, which is what those words are."  Funny thing is, though, it's stuck with me more now than when I was a kid; I used to swear a lot more than I do now, in public, anyway.  But ever since......I don't know, grade eleven or so, maybe a bit after, it's rare to hear me say any word stronger than "dingdangity" or "crap"; but I curse like a sailor to myself, or under my breath.  My dad tried to solve the problem of my brother and I picking up swear words from him by making up his OWN swear words (according to him, "Ayegenzoyleravanda" or however you spell it; is a much, MUCH worse word than the F-word), but then, inevitably, there were times he forgot and used real swear words, so we ended up learning anyway......and of course, we picked up a fair bit on the playground and at camp.  So, there's really no avoiding it, it's just a question of dealing with it as it happens, and the fact that you're even trying (as opposed to thinking a foul-mouthed three-year-old is "cute") speaks volumes about your abilities as a parent.

[kherbert05]

The rhyming thing - after I stopped laughing (Forgive me I was the 17 yo babysitter and it wasn't the word but his big sister's reaction to the word that cracked me up. She about jump out of her skin. I knew it was coming because of the rhyming thing). I explained that word is used to be rude and he shouldn't use it. I also warned his parents.

The general potty mouth thing. If he is using them in context (I have to ..) that's OK.

If he throwing them around for shock value, establish consequences. It is important that you and Dad be on the same page. The consequences should involve the withdraw of attention not more attention. Time out at home - no interaction just time out. In public doing something fun - leave. No reaction to the resulting tantrum. Just buckle him in and leave.

On the flip side pour on the attention when he isn't doing this. (Do not mention he isn't doing it - you defeat the purpose by focusing on the negative). Do encourage and applaud exceptable new words. Hey make it a challenge. Come up with so age appropriate words of the day. If he uses the acceptable vocabulary word  appropriately he earns points towards X (Maybe a new book or an extra one from the library).

[pblair38]

What are you talking about?  From what you told us, your first son is brilliant. 

Well, he *is* pretty darned smart!  I think that's why he's such a challenge.  He certainly keeps us on our toes.  Some days I think he's smarter than I am!  And tell the truth, with mommy-mush-brain after a night of ear infection or teething sleep/non-sleep, he probably is. 

Penny

[Lynda_34]

I used to tell my son, second born by the way, that those were Mommy words and when he was a parent he could use them too. I never had problems with my daughter, first born, and inappropriate language.
(of course I also told my son that I didn't drink until I met him, it took him a while to figure that one out)
I love the profanity RATS, if I'm really upset it becomes "rats and mice" another one is "d*mnation and little tadpoles." I think it is the tone of voice you use with them that makes them feel so good to say.
My son is 21 and my daughter is 25 and boy they gave me a run for my money. A lot of work and its just beginning to pay off.
 

[ShadesOfGrey]

What do you do if you are a guest and the parent isn't bothered by potty language?  The child in question is 8 years old.  BTW, the child is corrected if he uses actual profanity.

If s/he uses potty language and it offends you, simply say that.  Dont correct them for all time ("those words aren't nice") because that is a call the parents have to make.  A simple "some people dont like those words, please dont use them when you are here/around me" This is a perfectly acceptable way to address it.  It's not your place to correct the child, only to contain what is said around you.

As for addressing potty words with your own child - perhaps it is a phase?  Give him minimal attention for it, except to follow through with mild punishment when he says those words AFTER you have told him not to.   If he drops one purely for shock value (in front of others, or when it makes no sense to use those words, as opposed to using them when it does make sense, it's just not the appropriate word), perhaps try not punishing him, but simply saying "you know better than to use those words"  This, of course depends on the age and previous parenting of your child (and whether it is a phase or pure defiance), but sometimes not seeing a huge reaction takes the joy out of it for the kid.   

Kids dont know that certain words are unacceptable until adults tell them that.  Hence the rhyming issue could be simply addressed "that's a grown-up/not nice word" and if it happens again "remember, that's a grown up word, skip that letter."  Your reaction informs them more about it than anything.  I never used euphamisms with younger relatives and dont plan to with my kids.  IMO there is no reason they cant learn the real word for their body parts/movements. 

[Venus193]

Discussions like this make me happy to be CF.

[Evil Duckie]

2yr olds are still learning language.

If the words are coming out as part of rhyming words and such. Don't make a big deal but let them know that it is a grown up word. They will stop it after a couple of times and go on to a new set of rhyming  words.

If on the other had they are doing it for shock value, then yes you really need to be more vigilant about discouraging the word.

[jane7166]

^{As for addressing potty words with your own child - perhaps it is a phase?  Give him minimal attention for it, except to follow through with mild punishment when he says those words AFTER you have told him not to.   If he drops one purely for shock value (in front of others, or when it makes no sense to use those words, as opposed to using them when it does make sense, it's just not the appropriate word), perhaps try not punishing him, but simply saying "you know better than to use those words"  This, of course depends on the age and previous parenting of your child (and whether it is a phase or pure defiance), but sometimes not seeing a huge reaction takes the joy out of it for the kid.}   

Sigh.  My autistic DD heard the f-word when she was about 3 or 4.  It slipped out of DH's mouth when he twisted his back when the dog ran by suddenly to bark at the mailman at the front door.

She said it and we tried to correct the situation. 

For weeks, we heard from DD:  "F-word is a bad word.  We don't say it."

We just had to ignore it until she went on to the next phase.