Author Topic: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend  (Read 19935 times)

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Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #105 on: December 15, 2006, 11:32:04 AM »
Given how much the Joan wants to meet, greet and be best buddies with you.. I seriously doubt that saying NO in the beginning would have stooped this mess anyway.

They would simply be carrying on about you saying NO to inviting Friend of Friend 'Joan'

Be safe this week-end, we're thinking of you.

Dragons8

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tendereyes

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Email to be sent to hopefully and effectively end the emails and this post..LOL
« Reply #106 on: December 15, 2006, 11:41:45 AM »
Didn't mean to do the lighthearted subject header however DH did come up with a serious email to be sent out to all involve, real or not:

To all Whom is concern,

Effective today, we ask that you cease and desist with all forms of communication, including and not limited to ground delivery, phone calls, text messaging, myspace, chat programs and word of mouth.This includes involving third parties, visual contact, and etc.

There will be no party this weekend nor plans for another one. We ask to be left alone, this weekend, so we may have a quiet weekend with our family, and this is not limited to just family, but also our residence. Do not attempt to physically or by any other method interfere.

Any form of communications as defined as "any methods of delivering information to us", will be consider as spam and harassment, a copy will be made for future reference and not limited by time, and given to the proper authorities, not limiting to internet servers or legal methods.

This includes third parties, and method of third party communication as we are not interested who knows you or not and are asking and requesting to be left alone, this weekend and beyond.

This incident has exceeded normal boundries of social and etiquette understanding and will  be treated as both harassment and intentional desire to cause harm, be it verbal, emotional or physical.

Failure to follow this request to cease and desist and that includes sending any form of response to this email will be consider a violation. This is your only and final email from us.

The Tendereyes (not our real name).

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #107 on: December 15, 2006, 11:21:47 PM »
Sounds Good :)

Good luck and have a great week-end.
Draagons8

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gjcva1

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #108 on: December 16, 2006, 09:37:41 PM »
wonderful reply from the "tendereye" family.  now please do come back and assure us that your weekend went well, and no one who was not invited showed up at your abode.

and fie on anyone who sorta kinda hoped that you would get a response to that execellent e-mail.....evil twin, that means YOU (stuffing mine back into her box!!!!!)   ;D

Lynda_34

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #109 on: December 17, 2006, 12:33:03 AM »
and the hits just keep on coming!  are you sure you want to drop these people from your circle of friends?  just THINK of how many stories you could post about them here!!!!  8)
that is voyeuristic on our part, but I'm sorry, I'm with you. (pod) as it may be. However, it is going to be a long winter and they may make good entertainment for us cold shivery folk.

tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #110 on: December 17, 2006, 05:28:51 PM »
Lol..No no..no more stories..and if you want more stories...any of you who love "Desperate Housewives" and drama can be friends with them...

*Hugs* thank you again to many of you for your helpful advice, giving me a place to vent and confirm it wasn't all in my head and just finding a way out (not to mention strength)...

It was a thankfully quiet evening last night...no events....a couple came over with their children and we ate and sat around a talked and visit and they kept us company....Our kids played till they fell asleep and thankfully all went well.

I think the email scared all those getting involved including Sue (if there was including or just Sue) involved and showed them we werent' playing and how much we regretted that by lacking the backbone to say "no" all this happen, however, to be honest...at the same time, it's hard to say that going by common etiquette I should have continue with plans given how things went in retrospect...

I strongly feel I spared my home and family a possible bigger problem then just etiquette.

Joan has now joined the "playgroup" email listing and I was shocked and yet almost not surprised to see her name suddenly listed on the playgroup I'm in, and since Saturday , she has been posting about being "alone and soon to be divorced" and "missing her kids" and "splitting time with them and her soon defunct husband" on top of the fact that she is telling all the moms now that she is "single" and that her and her husband are not reconciling (imagine that) and how they are splitting up visitation time with the kids...a big jump from Sue calling me and then the later reply that Joan was "attending the party with her husband"..then Sue's later email indicating "her husband was not showing up"...Uhm..okay and how many of us here, if we were going to reconciled with our love one would do something like that..

All the evidence is showing that there was something deeper being planned and obviously involving our family; So I'm basically going to be quietly removing myself from the playgroup now that Sue has involved Joan as well and putting GOOD distance away.

I feel for the moms who are falling for Joan and Sue's "Joan is a lonely soon to be divorce" woman routine but at this point, it's not my place to say anything since it would not only make me look like the lesser person, but also given in lights of events, a spiteful person.

It is a very scary thing to see happening though. I feel like I can't trust anyone and these are people that are being met "face to face" and not over a medium like the Internet.

I've kept all the emails and thinking of burning them on a CD for personal protection if anything. If any of the moms ever contact me if another "incident' arises, at least I can have something substantial to explain why I've left the playgroup too...

It reinforces the guidelines set in the email and even if our paths don't cross; Being in the same playgroup and allowing our children contact is irresponsible.

At least I can gratefully tell everyone that the weekend has gone by very quiet and there is a "The End" to this nightmare we've gone through these past few days.



Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #111 on: December 17, 2006, 05:42:24 PM »
whew, I for one am glad it was an uneventful week-end.

Yes a new playgroup sounds good and a heck of a lot safer than staying at the old one.

You are wise to say nothing of the problems of late, although if someone asks directly, answer honestly.

Dragons8

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sammycat

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #112 on: December 17, 2006, 06:05:48 PM »
I'm glad the weekend was uneventful and that hopefully your husband's email seems to have done the trick in terms of cutting down on the harassment you were receiving.  Great idea to have a hard copy of everything just in case.

Re. the playgroup. Sad to say, I think it will eventually fall apart anyway once Joan gets involved.  I'm not sure how many parents there are in the playgroup but I envisage sides being taken. Some of them will fall for Joan's hard luck story and will, at first, be happy to be with her - until they realise what a fruitcake/husband stealer she is. The other members of the group meanwhile will have seen straight through her and this will cause a rift between the 2 'sides'.  Eventually though 99% of them will see through her; it might take a while but it Will happen.

If I might make a suggestion, now might be the time to start quietly cultivating friendships with a few of the mums in the group and either quietly drifting away from the main part of the group, or if you'd rather just put them all behind you, suddenly find that you are busy on the days the groups normally meets up.  Good luck!

Twik

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #113 on: December 17, 2006, 07:43:23 PM »
Her "soon defunct husband"?  :o I hope things don't get TOO dramatic....
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

willow08

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #114 on: December 21, 2006, 02:55:41 PM »
What do you think was being planned for your family? That Joan would spot your husband across a corwded room and suddenly hear "Strangers in the Night" playing in their heads?


( I admit this whole thing is sort of creepy, I'm just interested in what you think the grand scheme was.)
« Last Edit: December 21, 2006, 02:57:28 PM by willow08 »
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tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #115 on: December 21, 2006, 03:14:52 PM »
What do you think was being planned for your family? That Joan would spot your husband across a corwded room and suddenly hear "Strangers in the Night" playing in their heads?


( I admit this whole thing is sort of creepy, I'm just interested in what you think the grand scheme was.)

LOL..surprised to see this thread had another post..

Willow, to be honest..I have no idea exactly but from the scheme of things it just looked too fishy toward the end. Joan's husband whom she supposedly reconciled kept coming in and out of the picture. First she was alone, then she emails they had reconciled and she had plan to use this "family fun time" to be with him (i didn't realize that I was planning an event FOR THEM), and from Sue's own lips, the husband wasn't going to be there and when Joan joined the playgroup, not only did she not mention a husband, but that she was "lonely and divorcing" and that she was getting the kids for only one day and he was getting them for another and that he was a jerk, blah blah blah and one of the moms talked about how Sue is ironically talking on the thread to organize a party for just the moms and was talking about it and if I heard about it.

I just smiled and went...hopefully things go great for her, yes I heard about it...it's being sent through the entire group and I can read the thread and I was laughing with my DH at the level of maturity that wasn't showing since Sue used evite this time, invited everyone but me and then posted to everyone to post whether they get their invitation and if they are coming...*shakes head*

All this and considering she was telling all the other moms how "ms. high and mighty I was and that apparently she didn't fit in my "perfect" world and morals".

Yes I'm still waiting for her to insult me.

I think what happen is that Sue was aware of Joan needing an alibi, was going to drag us into her little melo-dramatic world and it crashed when we went..we're just canceling...

Do I think she would have hit on my husband? Maybe. She already hit on another husband and after leaving her own kids and husband for one of many others...I don't think this is a woman who knows the word "no" or limits.

Grand scheme of things. I was dealing with not only one immoral person, but two and both lack class and etiquette and now think they can act like teenagers in high school and hold their breath and "try to hurt me" not caring that I have a life and family and well..more important things then melo-dramas.

It was sad to see that there are adult women who make the choice of getting married and having children and yet try to be party girls still.


sammycat

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #116 on: December 21, 2006, 05:13:27 PM »
Sue used evite this time, invited everyone but me and then posted to everyone to post whether they get their invitation and if they are coming...*shakes head*

Sue sounds less mature than the children who are in the playgroup and she's doing her inviting in a very public way just to rub it in your face.  It's hard to lose a friend but in this case you may have had a lucky escape  Do you know if any or many people from the playgroup are going to Sue's party?  Are they all aware of what went on?  If anybody says anything about your cancelling your party because "Sue said..." I always find a good comeback is to say that there are 2 sides to every story.  Gets the point across that Sue's point of view may not necessarily be accurate and yet you're not giving anything away either.

tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #117 on: December 21, 2006, 05:39:35 PM »
I think from the responses, quite a few are going; Sue publicly said they were going to a "club style" restuaraunt" and going from there and it's "women" only, no husbands or kids allowed.
 
She might be trying to rub it in my face, but you know what, it really shows who the better person is because I haven't said anything about what happen and I'm sure Sue was quick to tell everyone what happen.

No one has said anything "publicly" about what happen and only one did ask and I told her both sides the best I could and I was asked...well did you apologize to her?

Oh well...let her put the foot to her own mouth.

I feel like I lost a playgroup but that's about it because I feel like I'm dealing more with teenagers then adults and it's a problem if I have to start explaining myself in invitations.

With my DH's position, etiquette is a complete make or break (will be posting in later threads so I can check my own etiquette because of an invitation he received that is very formal and I want to make sure I can act like a civilized adult and not like a baboon...lol).

In reference to point, DH and I have been invited to a company function requiring formal dress and familiarity with silverware, etc. It really goes to show that there are still people out there who practice etiquette and one never knows when the situation may arise..

I still find it funny that her worse insult to me is that I'm "Ms. High and Mighty," and that she "felt she wasn't perfect enough to live in my perfect world."

For me that says that my family was right growing up, that it's important to watch the company you keep because others will judge you by that...what was supposed to be a simple affair got blown out of proportion because two people felt that couldn't live by social etiquette.

It's beyond High Schoolish...calling her the weekend after the faux paus to explain the situation and I believe I had posted it here as well, I apologized for the invitation and what transpire because I was more worry about offending her feelings, but a phone call wasn't enough....when people demand more, that tells one that they are beyond logic (short of saying she is a complete nut case) and understanding...

I think she likes having "like company" to help her feel justify in doing what she is doing.

What's funny is she probrably finds my "silence" infuriating, but he who is guilty often barks the loudest eh?? Sigh.

Hoping all have a wonderful holiday season and a Merry Christmas...Lol..if I do post more in the future, I deeply promise it will be for "logical and rational" situations and more in the tune of what silverware to use, etc. versus...my friend wanted to drag me and my family into a very immoral world.







blue2000

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #118 on: December 21, 2006, 06:05:14 PM »
Holy cow what a mess!!
(although from our point of view, a very entertaining mess, lol)

You said (I think) that Sue claims most of these parties are "open" (thus her excuse for inviting Joan), and that she has harassed you about cancelling, and asked you about going to the office party, and is now trying to set one up with the playgroup. Is that the gist of it?

It seriously sounds to me like Joan was using these parties as coverups for her affairs. If she goes alone, she can play the "lonely divorcee" card, and pick up a guy (or arrange to meet one there). And her husband can't object to her having a night out - it's just the neighbors little bash isn't it? He's not going to know she's not actually invited to all these parties. And if he decides to go... well... she can tell everyone they are trying to reconcile. If they are "broken up" again at the time of the next party, most people won't question it. And if Sue is her close friend, that means she knows all about this, and is happy to help Joan out.
When you cancelled, she may already have had plans to meet someone at your house, and you ruined it. So they tried to convince you to have the party anyway, to be "friends", to play the game, after all, Joan's husband would get suspicious if she went to parties at the same houses every weekend. You would likely have been pressured to invite Joan and Sue to every party you had.
Not to mention if Joan's husband got word of the whole thing, he might have asked her why he wasn't invited, and why people were saying Joan wasn't invited, but barged in... and on Sue's invite no less... the whole thing could have gotten very messy for Joan and Sue.

In my opinion, you need to stay well away from this train wreck - like you didn't know that already!!! ;D
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

VorFemme

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #119 on: December 21, 2006, 07:41:19 PM »
No one has said anything "publicly" about what happen and only one did ask and I told her both sides the best I could and I was asked...well did you apologize to her?

If asked again, look the Nosy Parker in the eye and say, "I have dealt with the situation."

If you drink - go home and have a glass of wine.

If you don't drink, go home and have a cup of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. 

Turning a photo of either of them into a dart board is up to you...........

The best thing about having been first a preacher's kid and then a military member/military spouse is that I got to MOVE several times.  After a couple of moves - only the people that I am happy to maintain contact with are still in touch.

There have been a few of the leeches who try to stay in touch - but if you refuse to give them your address after a BIL gives them your unlisted phone number - it is hard for them to track you down.  Especially after DeHubby called his baby brother and told him in very clear language that "Ole Buddy" was no longer a friend of HIS.  Brother was free to maintain a friendship, if he so choose, but DeHubby did not want *his* contact info passed along to "Ole Buddy" before Phoenix, Arizona was buried under a thick layer of glacial ice.............a very thick layer.
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