Author Topic: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend  (Read 19852 times)

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Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #90 on: December 15, 2006, 01:51:58 AM »
Get a 'Friend' to send the post from Emily Etiquette.

I still wouldn't be at home this week-end, when the party was supposed to be on. Or the times before and after.

Keep safe, be safe. Keep your mobile phone handy, for 911, in  case.

Dragons8

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Reika

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #91 on: December 15, 2006, 01:59:19 AM »
This is just....bizarre....you would think they would move on...and given how "upset they are at me"....leave me alone...Which makes me wonder too...why aren't their husbands doing something about this?

Maybe the hubbies in question aren't aware of the situation?

*hugs* Either way, much good luck and I agree with everyone else, trying and do something away from the house. Maybe let the neighbors and/or police know that there might be a situation.

gjcva1

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #92 on: December 15, 2006, 06:24:41 AM »


Joan has the hots for either You or your Husband ???    ::)

Seriously tho, I wouldn't spend the night at home, I would make sure I'm NOT at home, and the police have a heads up about possible trouble.
Do you really think at this stage of the game, they won't show up anyway ???

<<HUGS>> I am so sorry you are going though this.

Dragons8

oh thank the gods that someone ELSE had this thought....i pm'd it to tendereyes last night, but didn't want to put it on the open forum and seem like a sewer brain!  the whole thing is just really odd! 

gjcva1

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #93 on: December 15, 2006, 06:31:15 AM »
Get a 'Friend' to send the post from Emily Etiquette.
I still wouldn't be at home this week-end, when the party was supposed to be on. Or the times before and after.

Keep safe, be safe. Keep your mobile phone handy, for 911, in  case.

Dragons8


make it someone from here, we'll be glad to help.  pick me, pick me!!!!!!   ;D

tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #94 on: December 15, 2006, 08:49:26 AM »
LOL..*HUGS*...Love the ideas...

Given there's no party and pretty much no relationship...I was curious, if they do show up...and my husband asked them to leave and not enter, can we technically call the police on trespassing?

They would (and this is where we really don't know and it bothers us) have to be really stupid at this stage to just show up and someone's house...and by now...I think I have (I hope) enough basis to lose tact and just not be friendly.

What's sad. This went from being a party to having to be canceled and now I have to be uncomfortable in my own home with concern they are going to show up in the first place.

Do I regret not being more insightful in the beginning...Yes...It's like a catch-22...who would expect behaviour like this in the first place? We're not in high school anymore, it's just bizarre behaviour and I can't imagine if my husband and I ever did this...

Then again...I keep wondering...where are the husbands in all this and considering the situation and they do show up...at the same time...if they did...this risks their husbands finding out in a bad way, their wives behavior...

That's another this is all just too weird...Sue's husband (we've met him so we know what he looks like and sounds like..lol), hasn't called since then...so if he's in the dark, providing on the NORMAL assumption he's in the dark...there's more risk here than anything, right? I hope, I pray...at this rate something normal and expected...

They have completely just overstep the boundries of respect. No offense and once again my apologies to all, that it's led me to even having to post this in a quest to find a "Normal" rationalization to their behaviour.

Have I spoken to Sue by phone you may wonder, No I haven't...and yet even despite not responding to any emails, it keeps coming...so this persistance just has me thrown out of whack...and this is what's become a problem now of "uninviting" and then "canceling the party".

Partially it's made me glad not to be involved with these people anymore..they just don't seem to take no for an answer, but I hope this is at least a good cautionary tale of the importance of dealing with inviting people.

I wish now I had said no but given how they are acting now....I have a feeling "no" would not have made a difference.

graceh9

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #95 on: December 15, 2006, 08:52:20 AM »

When stories don't collaborate with each other...I have too strong a feeling that both Joan and Sue are lying.

You could be onto something there.

Forgive me for extending this out...but my husband and I are really just baffled by their behaviour...Never have we had anyone extend something out like this, much less make such a big deal....and now this email...

This is beyond BAD etiquette now.


[/quote]

very weird behavior.  you and your husband should resolutely have nothing to say about this to her.  as you plan -- ignore all emails and refuse to discuss it if she calls as in 'we are not discussing this'

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #96 on: December 15, 2006, 09:14:56 AM »
have you tol her to stop contacting you? I would definitely recommend a "I am through speaking about this subject, please stop contacting me about it.  In fact, please stop contacting me at all."  Then I would continue with non-response to her emails and phone calls.  In this case, if there is an issue later, you can say, in no uncertain terms, that you told her to stop contacting you (and she continued). From the beginning of this post, it sounded like a friend miscommunication and some very inconsiderate actions.  Now she sounds unhinged.  I hope nothing more comes of this for you. 

and have you husband say th same if she catches him on the phone
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #97 on: December 15, 2006, 09:32:40 AM »
we have asked them to leave us alone...which is why we were (however nosy hubby was but I think he's worried maybe they would right something that we would "need to be aware" of if they plan on something) not answering the emails or phone calls...They sent me 5 emails yesterday...we received two more today and it's basically them trying to argue and convince us that we were wrong (trying to use the evite issue of us univiting) to justify their side...as my husband was saying...they seem on a quest to make me have cupability for a perceived wrong now....

It's like they won't stop or be happy till they get what they want which is basically a party and me saying I'm in the wrong.

He said it bothered him too that they are saying "no hard feelings" but this isn't a way to make "good friends" and that they still want to get together and I'm still "part of the group".

We're both basically what were they hiding?

And it seems that the most logical situation is that our party was going to be Joan's alibi for an illicit affair (possible try to hit on my husband) and yes...there is an unnatural interest in me.

Maybe to try and justify their own guilt feelings?? Dh felt they won't be sated until we resume the party and they get what they want from it, and is hoping after the weekend comes and go and they dont' get their party and their way...they will just go away for good...

I wanted to trash the emails but he has started to copy and paste them into microsoft word so in the event they do show up...if Sue's husband is not aware...he soon will be.

He went..funny...we sent an invitation to someone he knew at work and he (husband) didn't get the same response like from my side and just really felt that this has triggered Sue's true colors and I'm finding out the hard way, what she is really like.

The couples who did cancel have told me...they are staying away from Sue considering her behaviour toward me and will advise others too, and don't have an issue telling her how they feel and what they think.

I finally broke down this morning when one of the wife called me and see what we would be up to and she's offered for her and her husband to come over tomorrow to "keep watch" so to speak with us.

This is just getting out of hand...I can see teenagers doing this...but everyone is in their mid-thirties...Hopefully I can be a cautionary tale...people these days...you really don't know who you are dealing with and Sue is a well-educated with a college degree and is an individual who lives in a very very nice suburbs. From what I understand, she and all involved are people you would see at playgroups, the local favorite gatherings for parents to go to...they drive fairly expensive vehicles...not expensive like lexus or bmw's but they are still comfortably well off...so this is yes...disturbing...

Ugh...this is giving me a headache...even "white trash" knows when to drop the subject and at least have the sense to just snub rather than persist.



That's just disturbing..


Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #98 on: December 15, 2006, 09:35:40 AM »
My understanding is that you can call the police and charge them with trespass, Once you have told them to leave, and they remain.

Dragons8

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ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #99 on: December 15, 2006, 09:43:30 AM »
make sure he keeps the time stamp to the emails with it (even better to keep the actual email).  I guess there is nothing more you can do.  A fire cant spread if it has no oxygen, so simply dont talk about it. to anyone. It's over, and the only way it wont be a big deal to you is if you dont talk about it.  She may still email/call, but it will be a minor inconvenience if you ave moved on (unless it's harrassment, then involve police).  If nobody else is talking about it either, then she wont have any fuel and it wont be the center of your day.... 

I hope you have a great, relaxing weekend.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #100 on: December 15, 2006, 09:43:53 AM »
Tendereyes please keep copies of these emails for the police/lawyer too

A TRO [temporary restraining order] may be necessary.
But
I sure hope not

Dragons8

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Ehelldame

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #101 on: December 15, 2006, 09:48:33 AM »
ROFL...Thank you for giving us something to laugh about...ooo...I could hug and kiss all of your evil twins for those merry ideas!! LOL

My evil twin was thinking since apparently the e-vite plus the fact Sue knew what was going on regarding the party for a month wasn't enough, that maybe next time, to help clarify things for her and all connected to her, I should have taken out a full page ad in the newspaper, buy some radio time AND do a guest spot on Oprah so she can understand that only she, her husband and her children were invited.

I'm going to write something which may appear to be harsh but given the fact that I have done several media interviews this holiday season on this exact same topic, I'll tell you what I just told the Orlando Sentinel reporter two days ago.

1.  Politeness and consideration are not euphamisms for "doormat".
2.  Regardless of what the other person (guests, in this case) did,  almost all such situations could have been completely nipped in the bud if someone (namely the hostess) had a backbone.
3.  Having a backbone doesn't make a person rude.  Repeat after me,  "I'm sorry, I cannot accomodate that request," in a pleasant but firm tone of voice. 
4.  Screaming, yelling, angry retaliation is rude. 

At the very first when Sue proposed the idea of inviting Joan, you should have told Sue,  "I'm sorry, I cannot accomodate her.  You'll have to contact her and explain it to her yourself."   If Sue pitched a fit and threatened to not come, you calmly reply,  "I'm very sorry to hear that.  You'll be missed." 

You are the master of your domain, your home, your party.  Your rules rule and uninvited/obnoxious guests can drool. 

tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #102 on: December 15, 2006, 10:48:10 AM »
ROFL...Thank you for giving us something to laugh about...ooo...I could hug and kiss all of your evil twins for those merry ideas!! LOL

My evil twin was thinking since apparently the e-vite plus the fact Sue knew what was going on regarding the party for a month wasn't enough, that maybe next time, to help clarify things for her and all connected to her, I should have taken out a full page ad in the newspaper, buy some radio time AND do a guest spot on Oprah so she can understand that only she, her husband and her children were invited.

I'm going to write something which may appear to be harsh but given the fact that I have done several media interviews this holiday season on this exact same topic, I'll tell you what I just told the Orlando Sentinel reporter two days ago.

1.  Politeness and consideration are not euphamisms for "doormat".
2.  Regardless of what the other person (guests, in this case) did,  almost all such situations could have been completely nipped in the bud if someone (namely the hostess) had a backbone.
3.  Having a backbone doesn't make a person rude.  Repeat after me,  "I'm sorry, I cannot accomodate that request," in a pleasant but firm tone of voice. 
4.  Screaming, yelling, angry retaliation is rude. 

At the very first when Sue proposed the idea of inviting Joan, you should have told Sue,  "I'm sorry, I cannot accomodate her.  You'll have to contact her and explain it to her yourself."   If Sue pitched a fit and threatened to not come, you calmly reply,  "I'm very sorry to hear that.  You'll be missed." 

You are the master of your domain, your home, your party.  Your rules rule and uninvited/obnoxious guests can drool. 

Not the least bit harsh at all; Lol..don't worry..no screaming or yelling done on this part from us.

DH received this and we're hoping this means someone is realizing Sue has gone to far and this is something that is to be dropped for good:

You're totally off, Tendereyes. You're making some really broad assumptions based on some statements that were made to try to help you see things from another point of view. You are choosing to stay p--- off.

As with so many other situations, I am now walking away from the drama. I see your point of view, but I also see the other side and I'm not going to feed into your anger.

Hope you have a happy holiday.

Name withheld of individual that Sue decided could email me to  bring me around


I think Sue is hurting herself more at this point, and someone whether they are admitting it or not is realizing they are being involved in something that is going to far; At this point I wonder what this individual was being told or let to believe and now finding themselves caught in something they don't want to be involved with and it's also telling me that Sue was more of a bully than we knew of.

What's sad is that it's basically just my husband and I and we're seeing Sue enlist others to "enlighten me".

You're right I should have had a backbone, but I also made the mistake of making the assumption Sue would have understood or the least bit...be angry that we did the cancellation but drop the matter, mumble angry words about us, but moved on and just went on with her life.

The uninvite was uncalled for, but no one deserves to have to go through this and I hope no one ever does.

Should I not have been pressured initially and have a "backbone"..yes I should have, but does it justify what Sue does...no it doesn't.

She blindsided me with this iand initially and unfortunately I didn't have a backbone at the time, but I also had assume I was dealing with a socialized human being...not someone who would reach the point I now worry they may decide to just "show up" this weekend.

However from what we are gathering and from the fact it's been an unbelievable two days and she, this Joan and now today another, can't let it go...I really haven't lost any friends.

I think I was involved in people who were planning more than they revealed they were planning...we notice in Sue's email to us...it appears that now the husband may not have come with Joan (they can't seem to make up his mind if he would or not), and that this might have been a lot more worse than a social faux paus.

I think they got caught and now were trying to find a way to get out of it...its funny that despite everything...no one would stop and think of what initially would have helped the situation and yet email after email has tried to not only justify Joan coming but force me to get to know Joan.

It has taught me to be even more careful whom I associate with, since appearances are deceiving and it's also taught me that there are people who lack the etiquette,understanding and social skills to understand that their entire world is not invited as well..

In the meantime, we have a weekend that we are hoping and praying will be quiet and uneventful and are now having to "keep our guards up so to speak"....why? because one person is taking an etiquette faux paus to the extreme and might have possible caused physical problems had this party continued...

Will I ever forget this?? No..has this made us skittish...OH YES!

tendereyes

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #103 on: December 15, 2006, 10:51:55 AM »
And Ehelldame...no offense please, but the post you quoted was menat as an attempt as a jest; Right now there is little to laugh about and it's the holidays...and if I can't try to find someway to laugh about this situation...this weekend and situation will have manage to ruin MY family's holiday...

I understand you mean well...but at this point, my DH and I are dealing with people who care little for anyone other than themselves...I don't think anything I said or done would have matter to them.

Even the fact that Sue still can't take the hint to stop emailing me despite the fact that we are not responding to her verbally or by the written word says it all.

liz5037

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Re: Friend non-tactfully invited another friend
« Reply #104 on: December 15, 2006, 11:30:25 AM »
I'm wondering if she actually does have a third party e-mailing you, or if Sue herself has access to someone else's account, or made an account in someone else's name.

Good luck.