I'm Sorry, The Party is Cancelled

[Evil Duckie]

A strong simple "no"  repeated often if needed would have been better.

Be proud of your DD. She might not have have handled the situation the very best way, but she was not rude and stood her ground. She is only 16 and felt pressured. Even though she cancelled her party she showed alot of backbone. Many adults wouldn't have done as well as she did.

[Texas Mom]

It's a real shame that she's going to miss out on her birthday party - will she be able to arrange an alternative party, remembering not to invite Clueless?

The party isn't cancelled!

Clueless was just uninvited.

[Texas Mom]

Thanks for your input, everyone.

I'll let DD read this thread when she gets home.

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

It's a real shame that she's going to miss out on her birthday party - will she be able to arrange an alternative party, remembering not to invite Clueless?

The party isn't cancelled!

Clueless was just uninvited.

OOHH, well, if your daughter lied to get out of having the BF come, than that is a fidderent story and not a nice thing to do.  Clueless will find out what happened and it will cause hurt feelings.

[Texas Mom]

OOHH, well, if your daughter lied to get out of having the BF come, than that is a fidderent story and not a nice thing to do.  Clueless will find out what happened and it will cause hurt feelings.

I talked to DD about that!  I'm not comfortable with the lying aspect.

DD said IF she finds out, she'll tell her why she un-invited her.

[MelJill]

I don't think it's a good idea to wait until she is found out.

A far better (but difficult) course would be to get together w/ Clueless (alone) and apologize for the untruth (party cancelled) and then continue with 'the party is only cancelled for you.'  And then the explanation.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I don't think it's a good idea to wait until she is found out.

A far better (but difficult) course would be to get together w/ Clueless (alone) and apologize for the untruth (party cancelled) and then continue with 'the party is only cancelled for you.'  And then the explanation.

I agree with MelJill for her currrent course of action  - or even perhaps explaining the reason for the untruth and starting over with "I didnt know how to respond when you kept insisting on bringing your BF, so I told you the party was canceled.  It's not, and I am sorry.  If you would like to come, the invite is open, but these are our plans and BF is not invited, and if you cannot accept that, I would prefer to see you another time." Another option is that she doesnt have to re-extend the invitation, but she definitely shouldnt wait to be found out - It doesnt sound like Clueless would accept that either way, but then your DD might just find out who her close friends are (sad, but better now than later).

I still think that at 16, your DD did a great job politely saying no.  She can simply take this as a lesson to stand by her convictions a little longer... 

[DottyG]

I agree with MelJill for her currrent course of action  - or even perhaps explaining the reason for the untruth and starting over with "I didnt know how to respond when you kept insisting on bringing your BF, so I told you the party was canceled.  It's not, and I am sorry.  If you would like to come, the invite is open, but these are our plans and BF is not invited, and if you cannot accept that, I would prefer to see you another time."

I agree with this plan of action completely.

[Chocolate Cake]

I agree with the suggestion mentioned in the last couple of posts.   This girl got your daughter understandably flustered and cancelling the party was a handy response she came up while in that state of emotions.  Clearly, it was "overkill" given that cancelling the party is punitive to herself and the other four guests.   

In the future, your daughter should understand that, if someone is asking for something that makes her uncomfortable and she doesn't know quite how to express her feelings about it, there is nothing wrong with saying that she needs some time to think and she'll get back to that person.  Then, she can write out her thoughts or role-play with the nearest handy, sympathetic person until she feels comfortable and confident in the answer/response she is going to give.