You're living in a fairy world...

[sisbam]

I was taking Greyhound home to visit my family over the 4th. Seated next to me was a woman (A for simplicity), and across from us was another woman (B).

A commented on the number of homeless people she'd seen while in X city and wondered why they couldn't get jobs. I replied the X is in a really bad recession, and that I personally am looking for work, despite having recently graduated college (in May) with a chemistry degree.

A: So, do you plan to have kids?
Me: Yes, as soon as I get a job, husband and house... You know, be stable.
B: You're living in a fairy world.
A: Everybody has that dream. But it doesn't work out.
B: Yeah, I divorced my husband after four years and I've got a child and... (sob story)
A: Oh real? Well, I've got two... (sob story)... And there's this woman at work. She's 35 and still single and waiting for the perfect man and... (more sob story)...
Me: Fair enough...

I then go back to reading my book while they continue their conversation. I'd like to add that I refrained from making any "snarky" comments about failed/lack of birth control...

Anything else I could have done/said? What exactly does "living in a fairy world" mean, anyway?

[wheeitsme]

In this particular case, it means that you plan on living happily ever after, and they've decided they won't.

[Hanna]

"NAH!  In a fairy world people never say negative things!"

[Red1979]

In a fairy world you either live happily ever after or die as the result of some terrible curse.  ;-)

[sisbam]

Okay, try this one:

A couple years ago I was at a girl's house getting my hair braided. Also present were another friend of hers and her older sister. A 14 yr old stopped by with a precious baby in tow that couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 mos. That baby is hers... I'm pretty sure everyone there, save K (girl braiding my hair) and myself, was an unwed teen mother. Mind you, I'm not judgmental or anything, but this is a fact...

Sister: Do you have any kids?
Me: No
Sister: Do you want kids?
Me: *variation of "when I'm stable"
Sister: Oh.

And no one talked to me for the rest of the day... I guess their assumption was that I thought I was better than they, which is NOT the case! I didn't know them very well, so I couldn't come up with a deflating ice breaker and had to bear the awkward silence afterwards until one offered gossip about a friend of theirs...

Another situation of this kind will happen again, I know it. They ask me, and I tell them the truth. What else can I say?

[iambe]

Okay, try this one:

A couple years ago I was at a girl's house getting my hair braided. Also present were another friend of hers and her older sister. A 14 yr old stopped by with a precious baby in tow that couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 mos. That baby is hers... I'm pretty sure everyone there, save K (girl braiding my hair) and myself, was an unwed teen mother. Mind you, I'm not judgmental or anything, but this is a fact...

Sister: Do you have any kids?
Me: No
Sister: Do you want kids?
Me: *variation of "when I'm stable"
Sister: Oh.

And no one talked to me for the rest of the day... I guess their assumption was that I thought I was better than they, which is NOT the case! I didn't know them very well, so I couldn't come up with a deflating ice breaker and had to bear the awkward silence afterwards until one offered gossip about a friend of theirs...

Another situation of this kind will happen again, I know it. They ask me, and I tell them the truth. What else can I say?

I can understand how that might think that you were criticizing them even if you weren't, so in a situation like that I think I'd just keep it really simple and non specific and then change the subject.
Something like "Maybe later" or "I'm just not ready yet. Your baby is so cute, what's her name?"

[sisbam]

Okay, try this one:

A couple years ago I was at a girl's house getting my hair braided. Also present were another friend of hers and her older sister. A 14 yr old stopped by with a precious baby in tow that couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 mos. That baby is hers... I'm pretty sure everyone there, save K (girl braiding my hair) and myself, was an unwed teen mother. Mind you, I'm not judgmental or anything, but this is a fact...

Sister: Do you have any kids?
Me: No
Sister: Do you want kids?
Me: *variation of "when I'm stable"
Sister: Oh.

And no one talked to me for the rest of the day... I guess their assumption was that I thought I was better than they, which is NOT the case! I didn't know them very well, so I couldn't come up with a deflating ice breaker and had to bear the awkward silence afterwards until one offered gossip about a friend of theirs...

Another situation of this kind will happen again, I know it. They ask me, and I tell them the truth. What else can I say?

I can understand how that might think that you were criticizing them even if you weren't, so in a situation like that I think I'd just keep it really simple and non specific and then change the subject.
Something like "Maybe later" or "I'm just not ready yet. Your baby is so cute, what's her name?"

Oh, the question was launched well after the pleasantries and baby complimenting... Thank you, I'll just shorten it to "Maybe later" or "Probably not any time soon..."

[jais]

Okay, try this one:

A couple years ago I was at a girl's house getting my hair braided. Also present were another friend of hers and her older sister. A 14 yr old stopped by with a precious baby in tow that couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 mos. That baby is hers... I'm pretty sure everyone there, save K (girl braiding my hair) and myself, was an unwed teen mother. Mind you, I'm not judgmental or anything, but this is a fact...

Sister: Do you have any kids?
Me: No
Sister: Do you want kids?
Me: *variation of "when I'm stable"
Sister: Oh.

And no one talked to me for the rest of the day... I guess their assumption was that I thought I was better than they, which is NOT the case! I didn't know them very well, so I couldn't come up with a deflating ice breaker and had to bear the awkward silence afterwards until one offered gossip about a friend of theirs...

Another situation of this kind will happen again, I know it. They ask me, and I tell them the truth. What else can I say?

I can understand how that might think that you were criticizing them even if you weren't, so in a situation like that I think I'd just keep it really simple and non specific and then change the subject.
Something like "Maybe later" or "I'm just not ready yet. Your baby is so cute, what's her name?"

I think there was probably a better way to taylor your response to your audience.......

[FunkyMunky]

I've been told by my sister that I shouldn't wait until I'm married, am in our own house, and we both have steady good jobs before thinking about babies. Why? Because if I do, I won't be able to have them because I'll be too old. I'm 23. It could take 10 years for all that to happen and I doubt I'd be menopausal. Apparently wanting security is 'stupid'.

[sisbam]

I've been told by my sister that I shouldn't wait until I'm married, am in our own house, and we both have steady good jobs before thinking about babies. Why? Because if I do, I won't be able to have them because I'll be too old. I'm 23. It could take 10 years for all that to happen and I doubt I'd be menopausal. Apparently wanting security is 'stupid'.

Apparently... but in this case, I'd rather be stupid...

Next time, I'll stick to maybe later. If they press, though, it's on them...

[FunkyMunky]

I had to attend a Nurses' Workshop about babies today (work thing). Needless to say, I've been put off babies for a goodly while. The phrase "babies suck nutrients from their mothers' bodies, and even from their bones" will stick with me for a while.

[Elisabunny]

It's a sad commentary on our society when "being responsible" translates to "living in fantasyland."

[Tagy]

It sounds to me like these women were a teensy bit jealous of your future possibilities when they had chosen to take, well, an alternate path.

By the time I was in middle school, I knew that I wanted a life that was drastically different than the one I was living and that escaping from my little town and getting a good education was going to be the first step.

According to my family, I was very uppity because I "always had (my) nose in a book".  When my grandmother saw me studying my Spanish, she asked me why I took that class and I told her I needed a language to get into college.  She sneered at me and said that I'd never go to college; I was going to be a waitress my whole life (nothing wrong with that; just not what I wanted).

When I came home after my freshman year of college (the last time I ever lived there), I made the mistake of mentioning that my mother's hair was the same color as many of the models Titian used in his paintings (ok, I was bursting with just learned information from Art 101!) and, boy, did I get picked on for that.  The nerve of me coming back home thinking I'm better than everyone else.

Just ignore the naysayers and those who want to bring you down.  Their negativity is their problem; not yours!

[Olivia]

It's a sad commentary on our society when "being responsible" translates to "living in fantasyland."

That about sums it up! 

[ZaftigWife]

I think it's funny that people assume that fairy tales = happily ever after.  If they actually read some of the tales in their original form, they might have a slightly different perspective.   

And good for you for refraining from snarky remarks.  I know that must have been hard.