Author Topic: Should we have offered for them to stay?  (Read 5234 times)

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leroybrown

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Should we have offered for them to stay?
« on: July 11, 2008, 08:45:45 AM »
FIL & MIL came down from Home Town to Big City for a day trip to visit DH and I and also SIL (DH sister) who also lives in Big City. FIL, MIL and SIL came around to our place for dinner. Everyone bought something to share, which was thoughtful and lovely.

Later that evening, SIL asked FIL and MIL where they were staying that night. They said they would be staying at relatives on the way home. Then SIL said ‘oh why don’t you stay here? (meaning our place). It’s really cold.’ SIL kept pushing the point….all the while parents in law are saying ‘oh no – we really want to get on the road.’

I was a little taken aback, one, because it is my birthday tomorrow and I know that DH has planned something romantic for the morning and also my parents-in-law had not mentioned anything to us previously about staying. We then offered that they could stay at our place, of course. But I must admit I felt a little annoyed because of my birthday plans and because we live in a very small, two room apartment. Anyway – parents-in-law thanked us for offering but said no…but we both feel bad now for not saying they could stay in the first place.
 
Should we have made them feel more welcome to stay? Should we have offered initally (even though we had plans for the morning)?

Thanks for reading!

Oxymoroness

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2008, 08:50:29 AM »
Unless you held a gun to their head to force them to visit, then no, providing accomodations is not required.

Your SIL was the rude one for inviting your parents to stay at your home.

Besides, who's to say they weren't looking forward to spending some time with their friends?

Abby T

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2008, 09:13:23 AM »
SIL was out of line.

There is no obligation for you to invite anyone to stay overnight. Your in-laws were aware that they weren't invited overnight and had made other plans accordingly. SIL should not have offered your spare room to them as it was not hers to offer. You may not have been prepared to have overnight guests for any number of reasons. The fact that it was your brithday the next day does not make it a special case - you may not have had clean spare sheets, the bed may have moldy, you may have had another visitor coming over later that night, you may just not want visitors. All perfectly valid reasons.

Hope you had a lovely birthday!

Shortcake

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2008, 10:45:38 AM »
I agree with the other posts. You are not obligated to invite anyone to spend the night. It sounds like they already had plans anyway.


Your SIL was out of line by offering your place. It is not hers to offer.
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momof2weenies

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2008, 01:12:07 PM »
Agreed - if she was that concerned, why not offer her own place?

You were fine, and thank goodness your IL's were polite enough to decline, so you could have your birthday time!
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Hunter-Gatherer

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2008, 09:57:40 AM »
If I were your DH, I'd be having a talk with his sister and letting her know just how much I didn't appreciate her offering my apartment for them to stay at, especially if I had romantic birthday plans for the next day.  She was WAY out of line.

You, on the other hand, were fine.

ZaftigWife

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2008, 11:04:11 AM »
If she had blurted out "Why don't you stay here?" and left it at that, I would have chalked it up to thoughtlessness.  But the fact that she kept pushing the point crosses the line into rude.

You didn't need to offer - it was gracious of you to do so, but not necessary.  And it sounds like your in-laws realized that.


« Last Edit: July 13, 2008, 05:41:54 PM by ZaftigBride »

sisbam

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2008, 07:08:29 PM »
Happy belated birthday!


TootsNYC

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2008, 09:06:41 PM »
Maybe your SIL was trying to let you know that in their family, it is customary for children to offer accommodations to their visiting parents.

It certainly is in mine. Considering that they are my actual parents (or my DH's), and they put themselves out on my behalf so often during my childhood, I make sure they know they are welcome and invited to stay.

If my kids were grown and I went to visit their town, I honestly would be hurt if they didn't offer for me to stay at their place (unless their place was so tiny; and then I would expect them to say, "Mom, I'm sorry I can't put you up, I just don't have room).

If they had romantic plans for the next morning, I'd expect my kids to say, "I'd offer for you to stay, but it's Sweetie's birthday the next morning, and I was planning some quiet time."

So, I don't think you were rude at all, but you and DH should probably discuss what his family's patterns are, and how you're going to respond.


wolfie

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2008, 02:18:07 PM »
Maybe your SIL was trying to let you know that in their family, it is customary for children to offer accommodations to their visiting parents.

It certainly is in mine. Considering that they are my actual parents (or my DH\'s), and they put themselves out on my behalf so often during my childhood, I make sure they know they are welcome and invited to stay.

If my kids were grown and I went to visit their town, I honestly would be hurt if they didn\'t offer for me to stay at their place (unless their place was so tiny; and then I would expect them to say, \"Mom, I\'m sorry I can\'t put you up, I just don\'t have room).

If they had romantic plans for the next morning, I\'d expect my kids to say, \"I\'d offer for you to stay, but it\'s Sweetie\'s birthday the next morning, and I was planning some quiet time.\"

So, I don\'t think you were rude at all, but you and DH should probably discuss what his family\'s patterns are, and how you\'re going to respond.



If that were the case I would expect the OP\'s DH to have said something as it would have been his family\'s expectations. Since he was blind sided as well I would assume it is not custom for the parents to stay with the kids.

caranfin

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Re: Should we have offered for them to stay?
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2008, 02:32:21 PM »
You were fine. Your DH needs to have a talk with his sister and instruct her never to invite overnight guests into someone else's home again!
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