General Etiquette > Family and Children

What do you mean it's a secret?!?

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Tabris:
EDITED        EDITED         EDITED     EDITEDI'm not going to remove the post because that would be bad form, but two people have told me there's no cause for concern, so unless anyone comes up with a horror story, I'm going to proceed not to be concerned.
END EDIT      END EDIT    END EDIT     END EDITMy daughter came to me today asking for help buttoning her pants after using the bathroom. She's five and started kindergarten this year.

"Of course you can button your pants," I said. "What do you do at school?"
"Mrs. $$$$ buttoned me," she said.
I said, "Mrs $$$$? Who?"
She said, "Mrs. $$$$ took a picture of me today, but I can't tell you why." She whispered, "It's a secret."


Okay, so here's my question:

If I'm 98% sure that this "secret" is that the kindergarteners are taking pictures for Christmas presents for their parents, does that nagging 2% of doubt in me allow me to write a note to the teacher asking why Mrs $$$$ (who is NOT a teacher) was taking photographs of my child and handling her pants?

My daughter was clear with me that this was a "good secret" and that she was not touched (other than was necessary for buttoning pants) and so on. But I still don't like it. It just looks bad.

For what it's worth: I've been on the other side of the equation. WHen I was a parent helper at the preschool, a kid asked me to button his pants for him. But I did it in the middle of the classroom, talking the whole time about how I was buttoning it, and I also didn't say anything was a secret.

I don't want to brand myself a lunatic this early in my daughter's school career, but I figure that will happen eventually anyhow. My question is--should I write the teacher and ask for clarification? Or should I just go with my gut instinct that probably everything is okay and my daughter was just wandering around with her pants unbuttoned, and the photographer taking pictures for a project happened to notice before taking her picture?

This is what I'd say:

Dear Mrs. Teacher:

Last night, LittleTabris2 was chattering with me about school, and she came up with a mixture of comments that I found disturbing, so I wanted to run them by you.

She said that Mrs. $$$$ had been in the classroom; that she took a picture of Caroline and asked her to keep it a secret; and she also said that Mrs. $$$$ had fastened up her pants.

I am mildly concerned that someone handled my daughter's clothing, photographed her, and asked her to keep it secret from her mother. I understand, however, that it was most likely some kind of class project as a gift, since LittleTabris1 brought home something of that nature.

I just wanted to run it by you so that if Mrs. $$$$ was not authorized to be taking pictures of my daughter and telling her to keep it secret, that you would know it had happened.

I will continue to work with LittleTabris2 about properly dressing herself after using the toilet.

Thank you so much. I appreciate your time.

Sincerely, 
Tabris

momto3daughters:
Truly I think you need to let this one go. Im sure the picture and the buttoning of pants are totally unrealted. If there anything like my kids did in kindergarten you will get a nice christmas surprise which includes the picture. more than likely her teacher has taken tons of photos for an end of the year surprise.
Really all the teachers are background checked before they get hired.
As a girl scout leader, as a volunteer ive buttoned so many girls and boys jeans that cant get them done that I dont even blink when I button them anymore.

Tabris:
I've just been so scared by media reports and stories at Toxic Families and so on that I don't want to take chances. I agree it's probably innocent.

I would bet money that Mrs. $$$$ was taking pictures for an ornament. I'm not so sure I want to bet my daughter.

But that's why I'm asking here. Because the mother animal is not a rational creature, and you guys are not LittleTabris2's mother, and therefore you are more likely to be rational.

zainabzks:
Let it go! I'm a Kindergarten teacher too and we do have surprises for the parents! :) Please wait until the party before you ask anything. We go to great lengths to keep the kids from blabbing the surprises to their parents.

Also, many schools have video cameras in each room so I would say relax! :) Kindergartners should be able to button their own clothes but if they have a problem, I'm sure the teacher would help them. After all, you don't want your child unbuttoned?

Tabris:
Gotcha. Unless someone comes up with a horrible dread reason for contacting the teacher, I will proceed to let it go.

BTW, LittleTabris2 is in great spirits, and I assume if anything had scared her, she'd have been upset or unsettled.

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