Problem Guest

[Ondine]

I have a bit of a dilemma: I am having an 80s party next weekend (March 24th), and my friend Jess and I have a mutual friend who I would prefer not to have at my party. It's not that we don't like this mutual friend - it's just that we can only stand her in small doses, as she tends to have a bit of an attitude, and constantly tells us about her surgeries (she's had two surgeries - it's to the point where Jess and I can repeat the stories word for word). This girl also feels that she has to do everything that Jess and I do, has to be invited to everything that we do, and generally whines about how she hates her job, her disabilities, etc.
Now, Jess is having a party this weekend for St. Patrick's Day, and this girl will be there. I am not going to bring up the party in front of this girl, as I do not want her thinking that she can invite herself, or that I'm inviting her. However, there are people there that will be attending my party, so how do I handle the situation if someone says something about my party, and this girl decides that she wants to come? I really do not want her there for said reasons, as I want my parties to be fun, and she doesn't seem to have fun unless someone is listening to her whine (kinda harsh, but I've known her to be like this for awhile). How do I handle this situation, should it arise?

P.S. I also live in a basement suite with limited space for company (my living room) so there's really nowhere to go to get away from her if she does act up.

[Lisbeth]

Can you let those persons attending both parties know in advance of Jess's party that you'd prefer it if your party was not discussed at Jess's party?

If this other girl still somehow finds out and wants into yours, tell her, "Thanks for letting me know" but do not issue her an invitation.  Make it clear that the subject is closed.

[Ondine]

Can you let those persons attending both parties know in advance of Jess's party that you'd prefer it if your party was not discussed at Jess's party?

If this other girl still somehow finds out and wants into yours, tell her, "Thanks for letting me know" but do not issue her an invitation.  Make it clear that the subject is closed.

That sounds like a good idea. I really want to not mention it in front of her, rather than her show up at my party, because then I'd feel guilty not inviting her in. I think this might work out the best.

[Chocolate Cake]

When you alert your party guests of the situation, I suggest that you tell them something like, "Please don't discuss my upcoming party at Jess's party because not everyone who will be there has been invited to my party."

It sounds much better than to say, "Please don't mention my upcoming party to Annoying Girl if you speak to her at Jess's party because she's not been invited to my party."

The first method doesn't single out anyone in particular and is the kinder approach.

[blue_bunny_paz]

When you alert your party guests of the situation, I suggest that you tell them something like, "Please don't discuss my upcoming party at Jess's party because not everyone who will be there has been invited to my party."

It sounds much better than to say, "Please don't mention my upcoming party to Annoying Girl if you speak to her at Jess's party because she's not been invited to my party."

The first method doesn't single out anyone in particular and is the kinder approach.

Very good point. If you make it an issue of space / practicality rather than dislike I'm sure everyon would be understanding.

[Ondine]

UPDATE: I just found out last night that the annoying girl will not be attending the St. Patrick's Day party on Saturday, so my problem is solved. Thanks for all your advice.

[Chocolate Cake]

so my problem is solved

Are you sure she's the only one not on both guest lists?

[Ondine]

so my problem is solved

Are you sure she's the only one not on both guest lists?

I am sure that she is the only one - everyone else at the St. Patrick's Day Party (it's a small group) will be attending my party.