Author Topic: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption  (Read 10643 times)

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reddevil

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #15 on: July 24, 2008, 03:09:18 PM »
I'm sorry that you were treated that way, OP.  I have excema on my arms, legs, neck, and sometimes face.  I get lots of comments and actually had a woman squirt her scented lotion on my arms to "help my dry skin" (which led to a week of pain, bleeding, and hives when my wackjob skin went CRAZY). 

Keep on truckin'....there are plenty of bad people out there but even more good.  By the way, I got an excema product tip from a waitress with excema who waited on my table...I'll pass it on, PM me.  GREAT PRODUCT! 

And that was a good experience with my yicky spots!  They do happen!

Chicki

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #16 on: July 24, 2008, 03:58:09 PM »
First, big HUGS to you for all you do.

What bothers me most about this is that the boss and the head volunteer both knew it was a medical condition, but since they couldn't remember what it was they continued to let others talk about it and assume bad things.  They should have come to you when the first whisper started and re-educated themselves.  Both handled it badly.

Of course evil Chicki would have said "Well, at least your assumption that I was dirty was wrong.  My assumption that you're brain dead was totally right on!!"  >:D

Germane Jackson

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #17 on: July 24, 2008, 06:57:17 PM »
Apparently, the talk was going on since the day I returned to work there, which was about 2 weeks ago. I did say to my boss that it would have been less hurtful if one of them had the guts to approach me before and just ask me.  I would have been far less offended and hurt if they had just said it to my face, and I don't think I would have been offended at all. Up to that point, I thought it was a non-issue, as I had already explained to the 2 top people there what it was.

I have creams, ointments, and lotions up the wazoo. 18 months ago, I spent most of the day  soaking my feet and putting different medications on them because back then it was too painful to walk. I had deep, oozing wounds on the bottoms of them. They aren't anything like that now, but they are very cracked and scaley, and as of right now there are no blisters or open sores on them, and there hasn't been since January/February (pre-wedding jitters :P).

My boss did feel terrible for the way she handled (or didn't handle) it, she admitted to being a coward by not ending it sooner. She also already knew I wasn't a dirty or unkempt person, she is my ride to and from the shelter. She COULD have said to them 'Kitty did tell me once before why her skin looks like that, but I can't remember the term for her medical condition, but I am sure that it is not a threat to you or the animals'.

If I wear something other than Crocs or flip flops, my feet get itchy and uncomfortable. I simply can not bear the thought of wearing socks or covering my feet up at all. If they were to get wet or sweaty while I was working, it would take days for the flareup to subside. I have no idea why anyone would be looking at my feet in the first place. I might just paint my toenails some bright colors just to let them know I have no intentions of covering them up. At least they'd have a real reason to stare at them.

I did also ask my boss to schedule me to work on one of the days the head volunteer is on and I will handle it myself by saying: " HV (head volunteer, lol) I know you are offended by the fact that I am still working here, and I know you specifically asked that my days be changed so you didn't have to encounter me, but I just wanted to let you know that you made a very bad mistake by judging me the way you have. I know you are in a different age group than I am (she's in her 60's, I'm in my 30's), but you have certainly missed out on the opportunity to make a new friend and get to know me, which is a shame, but that is your loss and I hope some day you will learn to get to know somebody first and not make assumptions like that about anyone  that looks different in the future.

I'm not afraid to say that, that is what I feel in my heart. I had liked that woman until I discovered she was the ringleader in trying to get me to leave there.

Audrey Quest

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2008, 10:07:59 PM »
If you want to try wearing socks, go to REI--they have socks that will wick away moisture from your feet.
 
I am not suggesting this as a way to hide your condition, just that it might help it if you are wearing shoes at all.
 
My husband had flare ups of this condition for years--I am not sure why he doesn't have them as often now.  He has always used steroidal creams and he likes to eat spicy foods that might have natural anti-inflammatories in them.
 
THe big problem is that I love the beach and while he will come TO the beach, he cannot set foot ON the beach or in the water--it will start an outbreak.
 
Do you find it ironic that at an animal shelter, it was the humans that displayed the worst of pack behavior?
 >:D
 
They should be ashamed...

LadyofMaine

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #19 on: July 24, 2008, 10:51:09 PM »
Keep in mind they have a big problem that is not your problem.

Germane Jackson

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2008, 12:24:18 AM »
If you want to try wearing socks, go to REI--they have socks that will wick away moisture from your feet.
 
I am not suggesting this as a way to hide your condition, just that it might help it if you are wearing shoes at all.
 
My husband had flare ups of this condition for years--I am not sure why he doesn't have them as often now.  He has always used steroidal creams and he likes to eat spicy foods that might have natural anti-inflammatories in them.
 
THe big problem is that I love the beach and while he will come TO the beach, he cannot set foot ON the beach or in the water--it will start an outbreak.
 
Do you find it ironic that at an animal shelter, it was the humans that displayed the worst of pack behavior?
 >:D
 
They should be ashamed...



The beach is a total no-go for me as well, just the thought makes my feet itch, ha. My skin goes through phases where it's tolerable and phases where it's really bad, but I think stress is a major factor in that. Like I said, the last time it was painful was a few weeks before my wedding earlier this year. The skin on the bottoms of my feet was just peeling like crazy and then blisters popped out of the places where the skin was missing.

As far as the missing pigment goes, there isn't a whole lot I can do about that. There are some parts on my legs where it looks 'streaky', like mud dribbling down my legs, but anyone can tell up close that it's a skin disorder and not filth...well anyone that wasn't an ignorant moron.

You're right ..I never expected that treatment to come from an animal shelter. I do expect it from the general public though. I just remembered...months ago there was a cat who had a really bad skin condition. She had sores on her body and hardly any hair..and everyone loved her..and she got adopted after only 3 weeks there.

Audrey Quest

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2008, 12:53:17 AM »
If you want to try wearing socks, go to REI--they have socks that will wick away moisture from your feet.
 
I am not suggesting this as a way to hide your condition, just that it might help it if you are wearing shoes at all.
 
My husband had flare ups of this condition for years--I am not sure why he doesn't have them as often now.  He has always used steroidal creams and he likes to eat spicy foods that might have natural anti-inflammatories in them.
 
THe big problem is that I love the beach and while he will come TO the beach, he cannot set foot ON the beach or in the water--it will start an outbreak.
 
Do you find it ironic that at an animal shelter, it was the humans that displayed the worst of pack behavior?
 >:D
 
They should be ashamed...



The beach is a total no-go for me as well, just the thought makes my feet itch, ha. My skin goes through phases where it's tolerable and phases where it's really bad, but I think stress is a major factor in that. Like I said, the last time it was painful was a few weeks before my wedding earlier this year. The skin on the bottoms of my feet was just peeling like crazy and then blisters popped out of the places where the skin was missing.

As far as the missing pigment goes, there isn't a whole lot I can do about that. There are some parts on my legs where it looks 'streaky', like mud dribbling down my legs, but anyone can tell up close that it's a skin disorder and not filth...well anyone that wasn't an ignorant moron.

You're right ..I never expected that treatment to come from an animal shelter. I do expect it from the general public though. I just remembered...months ago there was a cat who had a really bad skin condition. She had sores on her body and hardly any hair..and everyone loved her..and she got adopted after only 3 weeks there.

It makes you wonder about people who can have empathy for critters and then none for their fellow volunteers--particularly when aside from how it might look, this condition is horrible to endure for the person who has it.
 
I have heard that cayenne pepper can help--obviously staying out of stressful situations (ha!) and I think docs try to come up with new treatments.  But, seeing my DH go through it, I know how horrible it can be.
 
He also takes BP meds now, so I don't know if that helps keep it at bay--it does make it so that he can't be out in the sun either.
 
So, I go out there and sit in the waves--alone--sigh.  For me, its a natural habitat--I could live in seawater, my contact lenses stay nice and moist--I love it!
 
I don't know what I would do if I couldn't be in it.  We are going to see if lake water is a little better.
 
But, he used to wear cotton gloves with medication on his hands.  And the socks I was recommending are good for anyone who doesn't like that wet foot feeling in their shoes.  I think the brand is Thorlio's or something like that.  They wick the moisture away--great for skiing, hiking--it lets the skin breathe.
 
I hope you can overcome this--not only the disease but the way people treat you.  The woman who started this sounds like a troublemaker more than just ignorant.  Although some people who are of an older generation were taught things as children about things skin conditions and that may be where her bias comes from.
 
I think you should explain it to her and explain the hurt it caused you.  Or someone else should.  If the director talks to her and makes you out of bounds, she might just find someone else to pick on.  And given the dire straights of these poor animals, the focus should be on them and not on creating drama.
 
But, I guess there is always drama wherever humans are present.  I'll the kitties don't give a hoot what your skin looks like--they are just happy for some love!

I was at our shelter here a few days ago.   I got kind of caught up in the whirlwind of saving a particular older dog.  He is coming home with me next Tuesday after he his "surgery."  And then I have to have him treated for HW!  Joy!
 
But, he is as old as my dog and I think they will be good friends.  This dog that I am taking home has a permanent black scar all the way across his face where someone put a wire around his snout to keep the muzzle on him.  It's a deep, black scar.  But, I think they were just ignorant and loved him otherwise because he has a good disposition.
 
I am just going to tell people that he used to be in a motorcycle gang!
 
Good luck!  Maybe if this woman can learn some compassion for people who suffer from this, it will save the next sufferer from suffering from her insufferability! >:D

wordgirl

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2008, 12:53:51 AM »
KittyBass, your co-volunteers are tragically foolish if they can't see the real you. I don't know what's worse, what they assumed or how they handled it.

(((hugs)))

Luna_Moon

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2008, 09:41:26 AM »
(((HUGS)))

My beloved late aunt had terrible psoriasis and eczema, and people were so incredibly cruel. It got to the point that she wouldn't leave the house.

I am in awe of your determination to do right by the poor little kitties who need you so much, even though you were made to feel hurt and ashamed over something that you are obviously caring for as well as any person could.

It constantly stuns me that grown people behave like schoolyard bullies. Forget the ClueBat, those imbeciles need a ClueDozer!

(((MORE HUGS)))

Germane Jackson

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2008, 10:02:29 AM »
Well, HV is an opinionated old bag and I have no idea who her next target will be after me. My boss told me that shortly before I came back HV was saying how 'highly inappropriate' it was for the Boss to joke with a male employee because she has a boyfriend! The man in question is a middle-aged guy who brings us coffee every morning, nothing improper about their conversation, actually he tries to help us improve our Spanish.

HV will never be let go because she is a very hard worker and has been there  for a long time. She also fills in for my boss when she goes on vacation. I was told that I was not welcome on the shelter's grounds for the last  2 weeks in August, as the Boss is going away, and since HV is in charge...she 'decided' she doesn't want me there.

Which boggles my mind, because she still is a volunteer, not a staff member, so technically she has no right to tell me that I can't be there. The person she chose to fill in on my days is an old woman who says bad things about her in another language to her face and can't stand her. So she'd rather have a woman who makes no secret that she can't stand her than me.  


HV would hardly have interaction with me anyway. If my duties were cleaning the main cat area and the quarrantine room, I'd be in 2 different buildings than her. The old insulting lady actually works on my days and I next to never see her, because she does those 2 buildings and I'm in the 3rd building. Old insulting lady doesn't seem to have a problem with me though. I think her dislike for HV is the fact that she's been there 20 years and HV has been there for about 2 and I believe she feels that she doesn't have the right to strut around like she's special
.
I'm  back at the shelter tomorrow  and I can't wait to see what the atmosphere will be like. I don't think Saturdays are HV's day either. I was asked to help out because Saturdays are busy adoption days. The Boss did say she'd speak to HV and tell her to get off her high horse and try to get to know me. I think she was probably the main instigator in the whole thing, and probably 'incited' the others.

Unfortunately, she was up on such a high pedestal by fellow volunteers and staff, she has a big ego and thinks she is the same as my boss, actually, she thinks she's better than all of us because of all of the praise she gets. So because of this, it seems as if she feels that she can say and do what she wants . I wouldn't want her to leave either, because she also does a lot for the cats , and despite her being the way she is, it also wouldn't be fair on the animals if she was gone.

I don't want to be confrontational, but I don't like the idea that she thinks she has the right to pick and choose when and where I'll be working and I don't think avoiding me is a solution.

I still do struggle with my appearance and I next to never go out in public, and I haven't worked in about 9 months. I can't handle it. I'm totally alone right now because DH is working away for the summer because we had some major financial problems. For the first month he was gone, I only went outside to throw out the trash. I started at the shelter to boost my confidence and get me out of the house for a bit. I am shy around people enough as it is. I sincerely believed that was the last place I would be judged because it's full of misfits there, animals and people alike.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2008, 10:12:34 AM by KittyBass »

sparksals

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2008, 01:22:46 PM »
Kitty,

Is there another shelter at which you can volunteer?  Honestly, you don't need to be treated like you're a leper!  Not only is it cruel, I think it is against the law.

Luna_Moon

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #26 on: July 25, 2008, 01:55:49 PM »
Kitty,

Is there another shelter at which you can volunteer?  Honestly, you don't need to be treated like you're a leper!  Not only is it cruel, I think it is against the law.

Seconded. Shelters and rescue organizations are desperate for caring, committed people like yourself. There is no way you should put up with this abuse. You're being much classier than I am - by this point, I'd be asked to be scheduled with HV every volunteer shift and would make her life miserable. Congratulations on truly being the better person here... me included.  :-*

Oxymoroness

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #27 on: July 25, 2008, 02:03:48 PM »
I'm sorry that you were treated that way, OP.  I have excema on my arms, legs, neck, and sometimes face.  I get lots of comments and actually had a woman squirt her scented lotion on my arms to "help my dry skin" (which led to a week of pain, bleeding, and hives when my wackjob skin went CRAZY).

I have psoriasis, and I actively avoid perfume counters and any free lotion attacks for the same reason. My skin reacts to air for Pete's sake, I'm not taking any chances on some goofy "miracle" product.

OP I can relate. The stupid and the ignorant have thought many things about my skin over the years, up to and including thinking that I have leprosy.

Once, I decided to have a little fun with it and managed to convince some idiot girls that I was part lizard.  >:D

Oxymoroness

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #28 on: July 25, 2008, 02:09:36 PM »
I just remembered...months ago there was a cat who had a really bad skin condition. She had sores on her body and hardly any hair..and everyone loved her..and she got adopted after only 3 weeks there.

I once was best buddies with a cat that drooled and had a horrible skin condition. When I first met him at my friend's house he approached me timidly and I was thrilled that he was friendly so I petted him. He just ate it all up and would hang out around me whenever I was over. My friend was shocked to find me holding him and petting him ... why would anyone touch that cat? He was so gross!

My response was to say that I could relate to his skin condition, besides ... I'd be pretty hungry for attention too if no one was willing to touch me just because I have lousy skin.

LAT

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Re: Hurt and embarrassed over an assumption
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2008, 02:19:07 PM »
I also volunteer a lot for a nearby shelter, and I often say that if it weren't for having to deal with the people there, it would be completely lovely. :)