How to improve a husband's "Scrabble" style

[hobish]

This couple has bigger problems than lack of scrabble. She "snapped" at him until he cried, and then she continued to berate him? I'm amazed he still wants to play scrabble with this woman. Baby or no, there's no excuse for treating your spouse like that.

Well, to be fair, neither is there an excuse for rubbing on someone while making puppy noises or suckling their shoulder while they sleep. >>shudder<<

[Starchasm]

This couple has bigger problems than lack of scrabble. She "snapped" at him until he cried, and then she continued to berate him? I'm amazed he still wants to play scrabble with this woman. Baby or no, there's no excuse for treating your spouse like that.

Well, to be fair, neither is there an excuse for rubbing on someone while making puppy noises or suckling their shoulder while they sleep. >>shudder<<

AAAAAAGH!  I know!  I just can't stop thinking about how creepy that is!!!  Until she had stubble burn for crying out loud!

[Gwywnnydd]

I'm going to cut Jane some slack, and assume that her snapping at her husband is exhaustion and frustration and 'baby juice'*, not that she's normally mean.
I completely agree with the posters who said that Jane's DH needs to be told (either by Jane, if she can do it when she's not angry and frustrated, or by a male friend) that Jane has needs, just like he does. Those needs include the chance to take a shower or bath without having to keep an ear out for the baby, the need to take a nap with someone else watching the baby, even the need to see someone else change the baby (yes, she can do it herself. It's still nice to know someone else will do it, even if just this once...).
When Jane's needs are met, then she'll find it much easier to get her game face on...

*'baby juice' is what my friends and I call the huge hormonal swings you go through post partum. The bad news is 'baby juice' makes you crazy. The good news is, it's temporary.


**edited because I really can spell, I just can't type

[sparksals]

This doesn't only happen after children.  We don't have any and dh seems to think that coming to the computer room with that look on his face and asking if I want to go up to play scrabble is a way to get me in the mood for double or triple play.  Ummmm... No.  It's like getting no vowels. 

Now, coming up and nuzzling sweet scrabble words is a surefire way I'll draw some vowels in order to play.

[Canadianprincess]

Well, I don't have a baby and I'm not even married, but I do have an idea. They could get some magazines like Cosmo and go through them and check out the "Scrabble tips" that they like and discuss them together. Then, try some of them out and see what happens

[merryns]

And can I just say that "playing Scrabble" is the best euphemism EVER?

Well, it is going to be hard for me not to laugh the next time my boyfriend's parents invite me to join them in their daily game of Scrabble.

[blarg314]

Wow.

I realize that he is probably feeling "passed over" for the baby, but acting like a baby is NOT the way to make your wife want to play Scrabble.  I got seriously creeped out just reading about how he's going about it. 

I'm also really creeped out by the description of his opening move techniques - waiting until his wife is almost asleep, rubbing up against her and moaning?!?  Suckling on her shoulder while she sleeps, to the point of leaving marks?
Ick!  I'd be trying for a separate bed.

It's also very unfair because he *is* waiting until she's almost asleep, and not really in a position to be responding rationally to his unwanted overtures. To be honest, if someone tried that on me, they'd end up on the bedroom floor.

It sounds like they both have issues - she's exhausted and not that interested, he's coming on to her with all the suave charm of an amorous puppy, which is not a turn on even at the  best of times.  I'd guess that he's got some big issues over the new baby too.

I think she needs to tell him, when they are both awake, that she finds his overtures disturbing and a total turn off - she wants to go back to the way it was when they were first married, with conversation and flirting, and foreplay that occurs when both parties are fully conscious, and an expression of adult interest and desire.

[shadowfox79]

It's also very unfair because he *is* waiting until she's almost asleep, and not really in a position to be responding rationally to his unwanted overtures. To be honest, if someone tried that on me, they'd end up on the bedroom floor.

I've tried that. It didn't work. DH still can't figure out that if he suggests playing Scrabble in the early evening he has a much better chance of a game than in the middle of the darn night. 

[One Goat to Rule Them All]

To be fair to the DH, we don't know that he isn't helping out with the baby. We don't anything at all about his side of the story- maybe he is still trying to flirt with her, but it's going right over head because she's exhausted? Maybe she used to be more alert when she got into bed, but now she's asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow and he hasn't caught on yet.

Maybe what she's calling suckling, he's calling kissing? I think that kissing your spouse on the shoulder and neck to get him or her in the mood is legitimate. Leaving stubble burns is going over the top, but it's possible he doesn't realize he's being so rough.

There's just too much that we can't know about the whole situation when it's posted by a friend of the couple in question who's only heard one side of the story. I still think that they way the woman handled it is just as bad as the things the husband is doing. creepy or not, at least he wasn't being mean spirited, and was trying to show his wife that he still loves her and feels attracted to her.

 If she really wants to accomplish something she should talk to him calmly and rationally, and not snap at him and belittle him when he shows some emotion. Why are we letting her off the hook for telling her spouse that when he cries he's acting like a baby? That's inexcusable, IMHO. She should have said something when this behaviour first started, and not waited until she was so frustrated she snapped. Husbands are not mind readers, and it sounds to me like he's trying to renegotiate their "scrabble" routine now that the baby is here. She needs to participate in that negotiation, and if that means letting him know that it needs to be less often, or letting him know what she likes him to do, then she should do that. The point is, she needs to let him know, and not snap at him when he hasn't guessed right.

[Bathing One]

Hi, all.

OP here.  Nothing much in the way of updates.  I talked to "Jane" on the phone last night, briefly, but didn't bring up the Scrabble issue.  The baby got LOUD (such a noise from such tiny lungs!), so she had to hang up.

I did talk with DH about him having a conversation with "Jim," but DH flatly refuses have a "sex talk" with Jim.  Nope, nope, nope, not gonna happen.

DH jokingly tried the "whining puppy" move on me last night, and I told him that he'd better cut it out, or I'm making him sleep in a cardboard box in the laundry room.

[gibsongirl]

It's also very unfair because he *is* waiting until she's almost asleep, and not really in a position to be responding rationally to his unwanted overtures. To be honest, if someone tried that on me, they'd end up on the bedroom floor.

I've tried that. It didn't work. DH still can't figure out that if he suggests playing Scrabble in the early evening he has a much better chance of a game than in the middle of the darn night. 

Mmm...Yeah.  My husband once complained asked why we were not playing more Scrabble.  I retorted "maybe if you would bother to set up the game board at 9 instead of 11..."

[Elle]

And can I just say that "playing Scrabble" is the best euphemism EVER?

I dunno. Can't you just 'spell it out' for me 

[sparksals]

It's also very unfair because he *is* waiting until she's almost asleep, and not really in a position to be responding rationally to his unwanted overtures. To be honest, if someone tried that on me, they'd end up on the bedroom floor.

I've tried that. It didn't work. DH still can't figure out that if he suggests playing Scrabble in the early evening he has a much better chance of a game than in the middle of the darn night. 

Mmm...Yeah.  My husband once complained asked why we were not playing more Scrabble.  I retorted "maybe if you would bother to set up the game board at 9 instead of 11..."

Wow!  I thought my dh was the only one who wanted to set up the board really late. 

[stargazer]

This doesn't only happen after children.  We don't have any and dh seems to think that coming to the computer room with that look on his face and asking if I want to go up to play scrabble is a way to get me in the mood for double or triple play.  Ummmm... No.  It's like getting no vowels. 

Now, coming up and nuzzling sweet scrabble words is a surefire way I'll draw some vowels in order to play.

Oh amen!  No kids here either, but almost the same technique.  Hey baby, want to play scrabble?  Nope, not really.  Get me in the mood to play, and I'll pick some vowels.  Just coming up to me and suggesting it does not work.

[Bathing One]

It's also very unfair because he *is* waiting until she's almost asleep, and not really in a position to be responding rationally to his unwanted overtures. To be honest, if someone tried that on me, they'd end up on the bedroom floor.

I've tried that. It didn't work. DH still can't figure out that if he suggests playing Scrabble in the early evening he has a much better chance of a game than in the middle of the darn night. 

Mmm...Yeah.  My husband once complained asked why we were not playing more Scrabble.  I retorted "maybe if you would bother to set up the game board at 9 instead of 11..."

Wow!  I thought my dh was the only one who wanted to set up the board really late. 

Mine wants to set up the board first thing in the morning -- before brushing teeth, even.