Engaged but no ring?

[jfulle5]

I think this belongs here, if not I'll move it...

I'm currently engaged but I dont have a ring yet. This is due to 1) I have a size 3 ring finger, 2) we are trying to buy a new house. Everytime I say I'm engaged people tend to ask where is my ring. Can you be engaged with no ring? Should I just wait to tell people I'm engaged until after I get my ring?

[LollyBee]

We've been married for 2 years, but I still don't have a ring!

In the UK, a ring is usual when people get engaged, & if you were having a big engagement party (guessing your not becasue you're saving for the house) I think it would be stange not to have a ring.

But I know several other couples who didn't have a ring but were still engaged.  Being engaged is agreeing to get married, a ring is a visual symbol of that but not a necessity.

[DottyG]

Yes, you're really truly engaged!  And, no, I don't think you should wait to tell people.  The ring is not what "makes" you engaged.  It's the committment between you and another person that does it.

And, BEST WISHES, by the way!  (Because, as we all know, "congratulations" is not what we say to a newly engaged woman.)

[That Anime Chick]

If it's poor etiquette to not have a ring and say you're engaged, then I guess I'd better find my seat in E-Hell. SO and I have been engaged for the last couple of years. We're in no hurry to wed. No one has said anything one way or another yet.

Then again, he did get me a nice diamond pendant for Valentine's Day.  

[MadMadge43]

Yes, you can be engaged with no ring. If you are planning on getting one, just say it is on it's way, but we have more pressing issues right now.

I'm not a fan of diamonds and do not want an engagement ring, a simple band when I'm actually married will suffice. BF knows this, but he's still very concerned he's going to look cheap.  I say who cares! Other people's expecations are not mine and if I'm happy everyone else should be too.

[fklwmn]

Yes you can absolutely be engaged with no ring! I hate uncouth people who ask about the ring as though you are making it up.

When the Marine and I got engaged my ring had to be special ordered b/c the store did not stock platinum solitaires. I HATED having to explain that to everyone who would ask to see my ring when they found out I got engaged.

FWIW, that ring is now hitchhiking a ride in my change purse. I think I wore it for all of a month or so. Rings are not a sign of commitment, and are definitely not all they are cracked up to be. I'd MUCH rather have a secure engagement than a ring ANY day.

[jfulle5]

I HATED having to explain that to everyone who would ask to see my ring when they found out I got engaged.

Exactly! I would love to just say, "yes Im engaged!" Instead of having to explain things like where the ring is. I live in the deeeeeep south and apparently it's mandatory here

[mrsbrandt]

I have the opposite problem, I'm married with an engagement ring and no wedding band.  We've been married for two years and honestly the ring is the last thing that really shows how engaged/married/whatever you are.  I wouldn't sweat it, although it may be annoying.  BTW that's wonderful news.

Side note:  Can someone explain to me why it is wrong to say Congratulations?  Does saying Congrats automatically imply that's the only thing to strive for?  I always thought it was just a polite and more enthusiastic way of saying that's nice...

[NotCinderell]

The minute he proposed and you said yes, you were engaged.  The ring is traditional but far from necessary.

[Buffy2424]

You sound engaged to me   In general I'd say it's a "real" engagement period when a wedding date (or season/month) is within a year or so.

I didn't have an engagement ring, it just wasn't important to us and frankly I didn't realize until our engagement period that so many people did (not a thing in my family).  

Anyway, I learned to lead with "B and I are getting married in June..." to head off questions about whether or not we were really engaged.  

The only person who persisted was my now-husband's grandmother, who kept asking "What to call this" in reference to the lack of ring.  "Is it engaged to be engaged??" etc etc.  I finally just told her that they can call it whatever they want, but the wedding's on ___ date.  I really recommend that method; it satisfied her.

I was engaged my senior year of college and almost embarrassed to use the word fiance, just because so many college girls proclaim themselves engaged regularly without ever getting married.  It gets silly.

[gr_gal1993]

Side note:  Can someone explain to me why it is wrong to say Congratulations?  Does saying Congrats automatically imply that's the only thing to strive for?  I always thought it was just a polite and more enthusiastic way of saying that's nice...

Because it implies that the woman pursued and caught herself a good husband.  It has a negative connotation.  Personally, I think congratulations sounds a little vulgar, so I use "Best wishes!!" for all engaged people.

[Suze]

I think this belongs here, if not I'll move it...

I'm currently engaged but I dont have a ring yet. This is due to 1) I have a size 3 ring finger, 2) we are trying to buy a new house. Everytime I say I'm engaged people tend to ask where is my ring. Can you be engaged with no ring? Should I just wait to tell people I'm engaged until after I get my ring?

would it be possible to find a ring that was not very expensive and "turn" it into your engagement ring?  

I have friends who were also saving for their future and were "just not going to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a ring" (and being Ren Fair Junkies) bought a neat Claduah ring (I don't think I spelled that right, but it is the ring with the two hands holding a heart and a crown) With the promise of a diamond sometime down the road.

 It wouldn't have to be one of them but I think you get my idea.  There are a lot of nice rings out there that don't cost an arm and a leg.  Besides I think that a diamond is highly overrated and overpriced anyway.

It would be something to show to people anyway.  

[jfulle5]

[/quote]

would it be possible to find a ring that was not very expensive and "turn" it into your engagement ring? 


[/quote]

I'm thinking of using my grandmothers ring but he's been trolling every estate sale looking for an antique ring because that's what I love. It's a matter of finding it and then being able to size it without harming the ring too badly. (a size 3 is ridiculously small)

[gr_gal1993]

I'm currently engaged but I dont have a ring yet. This is due to 1) I have a size 3 ring finger, 2) we are trying to buy a new house. Everytime I say I'm engaged people tend to ask where is my ring. Can you be engaged with no ring? Should I just wait to tell people I'm engaged until after I get my ring?

Yes, you can be engaged without a ring.  If you are planning to marry and planning the wedding, then my dear you are engaged.   You can actually even get married without rings!  No rings are ever required for a wedding, they are just a symbolic convention that is quite common in the western world. 

[gr_gal1993]

I'm thinking of using my grandmothers ring but he's been trolling every estate sale looking for an antique ring because that's what I love. It's a matter of finding it and then being able to size it without harming the ring too badly. (a size 3 is ridiculously small)

A 4 isn't any easier.  I've seen some lovely bands with diamonds and rubies in them that can't be resized to a 4.  They are available from 6 to 8 and can go only one size up and down.  It's really annoying!

Best wishes!!!!