Engaged but no ring?

[mrsbrandt]

I feel your pain.  I'm a 4 as well.

[CocoCamm]

Technically you're engaged once you've decided to marry. To me I dont think its official until you have a ring and I wouldnt announce an engagement until I had a ring. Then again I dont like the whole "we're getting married eventually" type engagements~like the freshmen in college that announces they will be married once they finish grad school. I feel like you should wait until you can afford to get engaged to get engaged and then marry. Some people drag out the engagement period FAR too long IMHO.

[veryfluffy]

I guess engagement rings are fine for those that want them. But they are no more necessary than is an announcement in the Daily Telegraph.

I don't wear rings, and I have no interest in gemstones. I think it was a slight quandary for my now-DH about how to actually ask me to marry him...I also don't wear a wedding ring.

Not big into symbols, me.

Anyone who thinks you aren't properly engaged without a ring really needs to reassess their priorities!

[jfulle5]

To me I dont think its official until you have a ring and I wouldnt announce an engagement until I had a ring.

We can afford to get married, that's not the problem. We'd just like to close on the house first before we buy the ring and get married. Neither of us like the idea of getting married then moving into an apartment, it's just not hte same as having a house. regardless this is the attitude we are getting although the date is set for october 2007. apparently a date isnt enough to make it official

[Lunadiana75]

I'm personally anti engagement ring (for reasons I won't list so as not to start a debate).  I think you can be engaged without a ring.  The ring is a sybol, some people want it, some people don't.  The key factor in an engagement is: did two people agree to get married?  Yes?  They are in fact, engaged.

Heehee, maybe you could carry around a ring from a vending machine and then gush and display like it's the hope diamond, just to mess with them

[kingsrings]

Technically you're engaged once you've decided to marry. To me I dont think its official until you have a ring and I wouldnt announce an engagement until I had a ring. Then again I dont like the whole "we're getting married eventually" type engagements~like the freshmen in college that announces they will be married once they finish grad school. I feel like you should wait until you can afford to get engaged to get engaged and then marry. Some people drag out the engagement period FAR too long IMHO.

I agree with you. I also don't really take it seriously if a couple pushes out the wedding date too long, especially if they're of the younger crowd. A lot can happen in that long time stretch.

And me personally, I'm not anywhere near getting engaged right now, but if I were, an immediate ring would be mandatory, along with a wedding date of no longer than a year away. Both of those are what I need in order to feel engaged, otherwise it's just unserious hearsay IMHO. I am now in my 30's, so obviously at this point in my life I don't want to wait a long time to set the wedding date.

[graceh9]

I think this belongs here, if not I'll move it...

I'm currently engaged but I dont have a ring yet. This is due to 1) I have a size 3 ring finger, 2) we are trying to buy a new house. Everytime I say I'm engaged people tend to ask where is my ring. Can you be engaged with no ring? Should I just wait to tell people I'm engaged until after I get my ring?

we didn't even get wedding rings till we had been married over 30 years -- you are engaged when you are committed to get married -- and of course an 'engagement ring' doesn't have to be an expensive diamond -- you could if you wished choose some other ring as a symbol if you wished (and having a house seems like a stronger similar for many) 

but the first response is 'let me see your ring' you just did a response on tap i.e. 'oh, we aren't going to get rings till we marry -- we are saving for the house'

[Katharine]

When we got engaged (spur of the moment) I didn't have a ring either. I ended up telling people either it was getting resized or I wore a fake one I bought until I got mine (which didn't happen for 10 weeks because it took that long to make). We decided to get married a month after we got engaged so I was shopping for bands for the two of us alone because he was away doing Navy stuff. I had a terrible time being young, along, and without a ring. I got ignored in many stores so I had to do something. Most I just walked out of but I only had so many options.

[gjcva1]

We can afford to get married, that's not the problem. We'd just like to close on the house first before we buy the ring and get married. Neither of us like the idea of getting married then moving into an apartment, it's just not hte same as having a house. regardless this is the attitude we are getting although the date is set for october 2007. apparently a date isnt enough to make it official

he asked you to marry him, right?  and you agreed to do so, right?  congratulations, you are now officially engaged to be married!  oh, what's that, you don't have a diamond on your finger because the two of you want to buy a house?  why, what on earth is wrong with you two?  you should be dripping in diamonds right now!!!!

obviously, my previous paragraph was satire.  he asked, you agreed, you are engaged.  the two of you want to save money for your future home instead of buying a piece of jewelry, that's up to you, and it seems to me that you have matching priorities here.   and that is all to the good.  it sounds like a good start to me. 

[DottyG]

We can afford to get married, that's not the problem. We'd just like to close on the house first before we buy the ring and get married. Neither of us like the idea of getting married then moving into an apartment, it's just not hte same as having a house. regardless this is the attitude we are getting although the date is set for october 2007. apparently a date isnt enough to make it official

he asked you to marry him, right?  and you agreed to do so, right?  congratulations, you are now officially engaged to be married!  oh, what's that, you don't have a diamond on your finger because the two of you want to buy a house?  why, what on earth is wrong with you two?  you should be dripping in diamonds right now!!!!

obviously, my previous paragraph was satire.  he asked, you agreed, you are engaged.  the two of you want to save money for your future home instead of buying a piece of jewelry, that's up to you, and it seems to me that you have matching priorities here.   and that is all to the good.  it sounds like a good start to me. 

Trying to hold myself back, because we're not to use it........trying......trying.......

Oh, what the heck!  POD!

[snoopygirl]

Technically you're engaged once you've decided to marry. To me I dont think its official until you have a ring and I wouldnt announce an engagement until I had a ring. Then again I dont like the whole "we're getting married eventually" type engagements~like the freshmen in college that announces they will be married once they finish grad school. I feel like you should wait until you can afford to get engaged to get engaged and then marry. Some people drag out the engagement period FAR too long IMHO.

I guess I am really not engaged. My engagement is really long but its not something I would chose. My husband to be lives overseas. We both had to finish school and then save up money for me to move. I am moving to Northern Ireland to be with him. Now the visa is in and its just a matter of waiting. Hopefully we will get married in June if everything goes through.

[kkl123]

1) If you intend to get married, you're engaged, ring or no.  I'm quite married, never had an engagement ring (didn't want one, much injury to DH's sense of propriety), don't have stones in my wedding ring (and DH offers periodically, but it's just "not me").

2) If you like antique rings, tiffany mounts are easy to resize.  Or remount  entirely.  Also, a manufacturing jeweler (look in the phone book -- this isn't the usual jewelry store) can make whatever you want, any size you want, any metal and stone.  Often for a whole lot less than you'd get in a mall jewelry store for a custom piece.   They can take your wishes and make a "wax" (or modify a wax mold they have) and build a custom ring or rings pretty easily.  That's what we did.

3) For the folks who demand a ring "or you're not engaged", I would advise learning the Spock "one raised eyebrow" maneuver from the old Star Trek... it will stand you in good stead over the years, when what really wants to come out of your mouth is something rude like, "Is there oxygen on your planet?"  <g>

[SkrunchyB]

It's a matter of finding it and then being able to size it without harming the ring too badly. (a size 3 is ridiculously small)

As a ring size 2 , I sympathize.  I have bought baby rings in the past because they're more likely to fit!  For my engagement ring, DH went with a simple band and cathedral setting (I think).  My channel set wedding band could be ordered small enough too.

And of course you can be engaged without a ring!  People will automatically grab your hand, but you can grab theirs with both hands (like you're just so excited you're about to jump for joy) and say "Yes, that's right, we're getting married next fall and I'm just so excited!" or something else to confirm the news without mentioning jewelry.

[blarg314]

I would say that an engagement is when you've decided to get married (he asks, she asks, or mutual discussion) and have or working towards a date.

Very long engagements used to be quite common, due to overseas work, military service, finishing education, parents wishes (particularly for young engagements), or waiting for the husband to become established enough in his career to support a family - but were still in the situation of getting married as soon as it was feasible.

'Engaged to be Engaged' has never made too much sense to me, as that just strikes me as saying that they're in a relationship that has the potential to be serious, but they're not sure yet.  I also don't understand the case where a couple has mutually decided to get married, but isn't really engaged yet because there hasn't been a romantic proposal and a ring yet - they can be nice, but aren't required.

I do wonder sometimes about very long, open ended engagements when there's no active push to marry - say Sue and Joe are living together, have two kids and have been 'engaged' for the past five years, but show no desire to actually marry.  I think in some cases that engagement is to pacify more conservative family members.

[Sharnita]

I would be tempted to raise an eyebrow and state "I'm glad you asked. I have been menaing to discuss the moral implications of engagedment rings in today's current diamond market with you. I'll forward all my recent information to you."

They will never ask about a ring again

I think it is perfectly fine not to have an engagement ring and it is probably more fiscally responsible to put it toward a house.

Congratulations!