Engaged but no ring?

[Bethalize]

I'm currently engaged but I dont have a ring yet. This is due to 1) I have a size 3 ring finger, 2) we are trying to buy a new house. Everytime I say I'm engaged people tend to ask where is my ring. Can you be engaged with no ring? Should I just wait to tell people I'm engaged until after I get my ring?

I had the same problem, I was getting a ring made. I was engaged for five months before I go my ring (and that was nearly half of my engagement!)

People will be people. You are engaged to be married, you know it and that's enough. In response to "Where's the ring?" I used to say "Not yet, but I'll show it to you soon as I get it."

[Belle]

I feel your pain. My lovely boy and I got engaged, er, 6 or 7 months ago. I, personally, do not like engagement/wedding band sets. I simply do not want an engagement ring--I want one ring, once we're married. But, of course, everybody's first question was about the ring, and I was told by several people that I wasn't "really" engaged because I didn't have the ring yet. I responded that if we went by that standard, I wouldn't be engaged until the actual wedding ceremony, when he gave me the wedding ring (meaning my engagement would last all of 2 or 3 minutes!). I imagine it would have to be worse for younger couples or those who haven't been dating as long--I got these comments, despite the fact that we're both in our 30's and we've been together for five years.

I would simply tell people that you're still looking for the ring, and then direct the conversation to a different topic.

[ZAP1251]

I have been married for going on 7 years and I have no  engagement ring and am pretty sure I will never have one so yes you are engaged even though you have no ring.

[sylvia224]

That's wonderful news!

And of course you are engaged. Isn't the whole diamond ring thing just absurd if you think about it? I heard something on public radio one day (I think it was a book review) about how the marketing world considers the DeBeers company (I think it was) strategy to be complete genius - they managed to convince everyone in the western world that a diamond was mandatory for an "official" engagement. They did this because as we know, monetarily a diamond is only worth what the market demand for it is. If you don't buy into that nonsense, I say GOOD FOR YOU.

I've been married for two years, we were engaged for eleven months. My husband did spend quite a bit on a diamond enagement ring (it was a surprise), and it really is beautiful and I love it. However, when it came time to buy our wedding bands I intentionally selected an extremely modest, gem-less band for balance. I just don't want to play that whole game.

It reminds me of a college acquaintence of mine. Her husband (who does not have much money to speak of) saved for years and bought her a beautiful diamond engagement ring. He surprised her one day by getting down on one knee and making this incredibly romantic proposal. She told him that yes, she would marry him, but within ten minutes she also said (she told me this mind you, not him) that she was going to have to take the ring back and exchange it for one with a bigger stone since all of her friends had bigger stones than that and she didn't want to be embarrassed. He still married her, I'm not sure why. Isn't that awful? I took that as her saying that her friend's opinions were more important than his feelings. Ouch.

Anyway, I digress. Best wishes to you and your fiance!

[Clara Bow]

I was engaged for months before I got my ring! We were broke and DH had just moved and had no spare money for diamonds. And since my son was born my fingers are larger than they were and I haven't had time to get my rings sized (I know, it's been three years, but I live in BFE and there's no one around nearby that I trust...that and I've just gotten out of the habit) so I don't wear them right now. You are just as engaged as someone with a ring. It's not the ring anyway, it's the committment. And you have that.

[kingsrings]

An engagement ring doesn't have to be just a diamond. I have seen some very beautiful emerald or sapphire ones. And I don't understand what some women's issues are with the size of the stone. To me, a big one just looks gaudy, plus it's harded to maneuver around with. But some women are just stuck on it has to be a certain size. My neighbor's son got around to finally proposing to his GF of the past ten years, and she told him that because he made her wait so long, that the stone had to be mucho carats.

[Alida]

I think this belongs here, if not I'll move it...

I'm currently engaged but I dont have a ring yet. This is due to 1) I have a size 3 ring finger, 2) we are trying to buy a new house. Everytime I say I'm engaged people tend to ask where is my ring. Can you be engaged with no ring? Should I just wait to tell people I'm engaged until after I get my ring?

You most certainly can be engaged without a ring.  My mother never did receive a diamond solitaire (they were engaged all of 3 weeks before being married before Dad shipped out to Vietnam).  You can be sure everyone knew she was engaged during that time period.

They just celebrated their 40th anniversary two days ago. 

Best wishes to the both of you!  Don't worry about the ring, you have one another

[Clara Bow]

To kingsrings...I am appalled by the grabby way some women act about engagement rings!! My friend Sophie turned into a lunatic over hers...her fiancee bought a 1 carat solitaire and suprised her with it and she insisted on a five thousand dollar (you read that right) ring guard/wedding band encrusted with diamonds that looks utterly ridiculous with her everyday clothing....
What is this business about having the biggest ring?? I don't want to be a walking invitation to muggers, or look like some materialistic gimmepig. I can see me complaining about the size of my ring (it's small, but it suits me to a t), like that's the part that matters anyway....

[kingsrings]

POD. Perhaps this whole engagement ring nonsense brings out a side of the woman that should be a warning to her intended. And I just don't see how it could be very comfortable or convenient going about your day with this huge, gaudy ring on your hand.

[sillysquirrel]

My BF gave me a nice tanzinite ring the 1st year of dating, we are going into our 6th year of dating and just got engaged about 6 months ago. He asked me if I wanted an engagement ring and I honestly told him they were a waste of money and I'm perfectly happy with my 6 year old ring  .

Well, what annoyes me is that when I tell people I'm getting married the 1st place they look is my left hand. And then crudely say "Oh, it's not a diamond". Well no KIDDING! Man that burns my butt!!

What is going to be worse is when I do get married I'm planning on having a mandarin topez wedding band. The stone is a bright orange color and it is gorgerous!!

I hate diamonds and following the norm. My whole point here is do what you want and be happy!

[goblue2539]

What is going to be worse is when I do get married I'm planning on having a mandarin topez wedding band. The stone is a bright orange color and it is gorgerous!!

I thought I was the only one who liked the yellow/orange spectrum of topaz!  In fact, I insisted that I had to have a topaz engagement ring instead of a diamond.  Which ended up being a really good thing since I can wear it as a birthstone ring since we called off the wedding. 

[beckygoesape]

When my husband and I decided to marry we decided against an engagement ring because we felt that we needed to use what money we had for expenses....like rent and food and college tuition.  We spent a total of $40 on white gold wedding bands.

I was surprised at how many people questioned our commitment...or outright told me that I shouldn't marry a cheap man.  If only they knew how cheap I am!  One even asked me how I'd even know if I was married or not!

At that time I worked with an old classmate of my husband's who bragged that she had sent back her perfectly lovely and rather large engagement ring.  It wasn't impressive enough and she demanded her fiance buy her another.  That marriage didn't last too long.

We had been married 8 years when my husband unexpectedly gave me a channel set band on Father's Day.  By that time we had some discretionary income.  It's a lovely ring, set differently than other channel sets I've seen.  My thoughtful husband knew that channel set never catches on my sewing.

Becky

Becky

[jfulle5]

To kingsrings...I am appalled by the grabby way some women act about engagement rings!! My friend Sophie turned into a lunatic over hers...her fiancee bought a 1 carat solitaire and suprised her with it and she insisted on a five thousand dollar (you read that right) ring guard/wedding band encrusted with diamonds that looks utterly ridiculous with her everyday clothing....
What is this business about having the biggest ring?? I don't want to be a walking invitation to muggers, or look like some materialistic gimmepig. I can see me complaining about the size of my ring (it's small, but it suits me to a t), like that's the part that matters anyway....

My big sister was a 5 carat ring and married a man in the oil business. Needless to say she expects me to do the same....

[jfulle5]

When my husband and I decided to marry we decided against an engagement ring because we felt that we needed to use what money we had for expenses....like rent and food and college tuition.  We spent a total of $40 on white gold wedding bands.

I was surprised at how many people questioned our commitment...or outright told me that I shouldn't marry a cheap man.  If only they knew how cheap I am!  One even asked me how I'd even know if I was married or not!

At that time I worked with an old classmate of my husband's who bragged that she had sent back her perfectly lovely and rather large engagement ring.  It wasn't impressive enough and she demanded her fiance buy her another.  That marriage didn't last too long.

We had been married 8 years when my husband unexpectedly gave me a channel set band on Father's Day.  By that time we had some discretionary income.  It's a lovely ring, set differently than other channel sets I've seen.  My thoughtful husband knew that channel set never catches on my sewing.

Becky

Becky

Because of my family and their standards he's worried that what he gets wont be "impressive" enough. He said last night he's saving for one and I told him he's ridiculous. I dont want anything impressive, just something to hush the nah-sayers!

[Pixie]

I never had an engagement ring.  The ring I have now is my original band which was split and my Mom's setting added to it after she died.   The jeweler took 3 rings and made them one.... I LOVE IT, but only wear it when we go out.   The bathrooms and kitchen don't care how I dress to clean them! 

But I recall telling a few people that I didn't have a ring yet, as I hadn't found one as perfect as the man I was marrying.  It shut them up.