addressing envelopes

[Gigi]

When we receive notes, cards etc. from some of our nieces and nephews they are addresses like this:

Our last name (only)
street address
city, state, zip

I'm always happy to hear from any of the kids and glad they are polite about thank yous.  I don't really care how the envelope is addressed,  but I am curious to know if this is the style that is being taught in school now. I was taught to address thus: Mr. & Mrs. Firstname Lastname. I know styles and customs evolve through the years, so maybe I'm just not hip to a modern style. (My own adult kids use the form I was taught.)

I don't want to imply a criticism by asking them directly, so I thought I'd ask the hellions for input. Your ideas, please.

[DottyG]

I was taught like you were.  Although, I do have to say that there are times when I've used "The Smith Family" if I know all need to see something.

[Nekolove]

I was never taught one way or another. I address thusly:

Bob and Jane Smith (for a couple)

Smith Family (for a family of 3 or more)

And then for family:

Aunt Jane and Uncle Bob Smith

Grandma and Grandpa Smith

Etc.

Perhaps that is not the most polite way to do it, but I think it's more friendly. For some reason I find the whole Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith thing to be cold. And I especially hate that the woman is only known through her husband's name. She has a name too!!

Anyway, that's just what I do. Like you said, at least you're getting correspondence from them!

[Gigi]

I  too think the reason for the correspondence can make a difference in the form of address.  The grandkids always use Grandma and Grandad Lastname.  We've also gotten things addressed to Aunt and Uncle, and to James and Gigi etc.  I'd never consider sending a formal invitation, such as to a wedding, addressed in any way except the "proper" form according to Crane's Blue Book, but a bar-b-que invitation allows a more casual approach. I wouldn't address an elder or someone I don't know well casually either.  I guess it's just a case of letting the address fit the situation.  Thay being said, it still seems odd to get something addressed to Lastname only.  Kind of like "resident" or "customer". 

[Gwywnnydd]

When we receive notes, cards etc. from some of our nieces and nephews they are addresses like this:

Our last name (only)
street address
city, state, zip

Ah, you must be related to my DH .

It took me several years to break him of his habit of just putting the family name. I managed to convince him that 'The Lastname Family' was nicer .

[sempronialou]

Perhaps that is not the most polite way to do it, but I think it's more friendly. For some reason I find the whole Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith thing to be cold. And I especially hate that the woman is only known through her husband's name. She has a name too!!

Anyway, that's just what I do. Like you said, at least you're getting correspondence from them!

I can't stand the Mr. & Mrs. His-first name His-last name thing.  If a woman has taken her husband's last name, doesn't mean she's taken on his first name.  Never mind the fact that quite a few women out there don't change their last name.  I added my husband's last name to my last name and I don't necessarily mind being called "Sempronia Smith" instead "Sempronia Lou-Smith", but I want my first name acknowledge.  Personally it doesn't bother me if someone just puts our last name on the envelope, but adding "family" sounds a lot nicer.  I most prefer "Ichabod & Sempronia Smith".  If one must be formal, please include my first name along with my husband's.  I only put up with it from the older generation.  This is something that needs to change with the younger generation.

[Sirius]

One of my dearest friends addresses letters to us the same way, but because we recognize her handwriting we know who it's from.  Doesn't bother me a bit.  When I was growing up my grandpa and my aunt would send letters to us addressed to our dog.  That meant the letter was for the whole family.  Personal letters were addressed to who they were for.  We did the same when we sent letters to them.   

[mddg4]

I think how a person was raised will have an impact. My Grandmother insisted on giving us etiquette lessons as we were growing up. As in how to dress for dinner, walk around with books on our heads, the whole enchilada! I can still walk, turn, ascend & descend stairs with a dictionary on my head! Out of habit I address all letters in the formal style, (Mr. & Mrs. Robert Lee Smith,or the Smith Family), because that is the way I was taught. Doing otherwise simply doesn't look right to me. Fortunately, my friends understand this quirk.

Running Amok & Causing Mayhem

[jane7166]

My wonderful SIL always addresses things to us as:

Mr. and Mrs. Lastname
address, etc.

But, she's a kindergarten teacher.  I think the common practice of calling parents Mr. and Mrs. Lastname just spills over into her everyday life. 

[fklwmn]

I think how a person was raised will have an impact. My Grandmother insisted on giving us etiquette lessons as we were growing up. As in how to dress for dinner, walk around with books on our heads, the whole enchilada! I can still walk, turn, ascend & descend stairs with a dictionary on my head! Out of habit I address all letters in the formal style, (Mr. & Mrs. Robert Lee Smith,or the Smith Family), because that is the way I was taught. Doing otherwise simply doesn't look right to me. Fortunately, my friends understand this quirk.

Running Amok & Causing Mayhem

I think we should all have a grandma like this!

[veryfluffy]

If I get cards addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname, I hand them to him and say these must be for him and his first wife. Since I am not Mrs., I have my own first name, and my own last name. So just putting one last name on the address wouldn't work here either. Better to put just our two first names, if you want to save time. Or the dog's, because we open her post.

[White Lotus]

Per every authority I have ever read, it is improper to separate a man's first name from his last name.  It is always "Gina and Bob Smith," unless Gina is signing the cards with first names only and then she writes "Bob and Gina".  Bob writes "Gina and Bob" because the person actually doing the signing, as a matter of courtesy, puts the other's name first.

This also easily allows for Gina Doe and Bob Smith, whether she uses her birth name as her whole name, as a used but not hyphenated middle name or is a hyphenate. 

Just saying.  Always putting the man's given name first results in some weird constructs when the woman has a different surname.

[WillyNilly]

The thing about writing envelopes, or really writing at all, is that its not actually an etiquette thing once you've got your bascs down, its a style thing. Addressing people with titles and what titles you use is style. The current American style is "Mrs" for a married woman, but that's not a rule or etiquette. One would be just as grammatically corect addressing an unmarried but self-supporting adult woman as "Mrs". Alternately either woman could be called "Ms". So we tend to default to preference.

But more and more commonly titles are left off totally. Its the new emerging style. Its not right or wrong, its just style to not use honorific titles.

Now to leave off first names as well is a bit unclear, and as such ends up coming across as very casual, but it sounds like this is being done on casual correspondence so no biggie.

[TootsNYC]

I don't think schools teach kids to address envelopes anymore.
I have two kids recently in elementary and high school, and neither of them had that in any of their books.

[Sharnita]

they probably look at a piece of junk mail and copy what they see