Author Topic: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready  (Read 8113 times)

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WestAussieGirl

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2008, 08:04:13 PM »
Off topic, but what exactly is the philosophy behind having first graders call adults by their first names? That WOULD put me off the idea of the school, I'm afraid.

They don't consider the name thing to be key to their philosophy, it's just a very small part.  The school is designed to be an extension of the home.  Much like my home it has really only one rule, basically it's to treat ourselves, others, and property with respect.  The teacher and other non-teaching adults have authority (and don't need to be called a special name to designate that) but in general are expected to be treated with the same respect that should be given to everyone (adult or child).

My children use first names for most adults in our lives (as I did when I was growing up).  It certainly didn't have any impact on my respect for others or for authority so I'm comfortable that it won't impact theirs.  I also found for me it made the transition to adulthood a lot easier.  It's a lot easier to be treated as an equal when you use equal names.

My DH did have the same concerns until I reminded him that he didn't show any respect for his teachers despite calling them by their surname (we went to school together so I know ;)).

If in your home you expect all adults to be called by their title and surname then it wouldn't be the school for you. 

Olivia

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #16 on: September 18, 2008, 01:04:42 PM »
For the first part, I would purposely misunderstand her.

"Why yes, I don't have a lot of time to get anything done.  Between taking care of DD and DH and our home, I've let a lot of personal interests slide.  But I think it's important to our family to have DD come home to an organized, calm, home, so DH and I both put our own needs aside.  We'll have plenty of time to [crochet/play jazz piano/collect samurai swords] when she's grown and off to college."  Pretend she is suggesting that you've spent so much time on homemaking that you don't have time for personal things.

Love it. 

littlebird

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2008, 11:35:23 AM »
Off topic, but what exactly is the philosophy behind having first graders call adults by their first names? That WOULD put me off the idea of the school, I'm afraid.

I don't know if this is true of the OP's school, but I went to Quaker schools. They do not believe in titles, so everyone is called by their first name. Looking back, it worked for a few reasons. First, we respected the person, not the title, and second it helped us to understand that Teachers are People, too.  When I switched to public schools for a few years, I had no problem going from having Meg and Henry as teachers to Mrs Graves and Mr Baird.

hope

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2008, 12:25:32 PM »
This is what I have done with MIL and her "2 cents" (that is about all her comments are worth):  I defer as many of her questions to DH as possible.  "Why are you sending your kids to school there?"  Either look to your DH to answer, or if he is not in the room, you can shout "DH your mom has a question for you!"  Don't engage her.

WestAussieGirl

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2008, 07:59:00 PM »
This is what I have done with MIL and her "2 cents" (that is about all her comments are worth):  I defer as many of her questions to DH as possible.  "Why are you sending your kids to school there?"  Either look to your DH to answer, or if he is not in the room, you can shout "DH your mom has a question for you!"  Don't engage her.

DH loves to tease her which makes things worse.  For example, he'll tell her it is a *insert religion that she fears* school but don't worry only some of them turn into extremists.

She thinks she's being teased but she isn't sure so she comes running to me.


WestAussieGirl

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2008, 08:01:43 PM »
Off topic, but what exactly is the philosophy behind having first graders call adults by their first names? That WOULD put me off the idea of the school, I'm afraid.

I don't know if this is true of the OP's school, but I went to Quaker schools. They do not believe in titles, so everyone is called by their first name. Looking back, it worked for a few reasons. First, we respected the person, not the title, and second it helped us to understand that Teachers are People, too.  When I switched to public schools for a few years, I had no problem going from having Meg and Henry as teachers to Mrs Graves and Mr Baird.

Another big plus for me is that one of the administrators is named Barbie.  DD had never met a person named Barbie and she was well impressed.  Now she can't wait to get to school and all she talks about is seeing Barbie there (she doesn't look much like the doll but it doesn't seem to matter to DD).

Lynda_34

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #21 on: September 28, 2008, 03:52:18 PM »
When I taught adults I introduced myself as Lynda LastName.  Some called me Lynda, very few called me Ms. Lastname. I had a lovely group of women from Haiti, around my age, here in the US to learn how to be nurse aides.  The first day I introduced myself and figured that was that.  They couldn't bring themselves to call me Lynda and for a time I was "Miss Nurse/Teacher"

I'm now teaching high school students and they slaughter my name and I've gotten to where I'll just answer.  The aren't disrespectful it's not an easy name to pronounce.

holly firestorm

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Re: PA MIL Strikes Again...this time I'm going to be ready
« Reply #22 on: September 29, 2008, 07:26:14 PM »
For the first part, I would purposely misunderstand her.

"Why yes, I don't have a lot of time to get anything done.  Between taking care of DD and DH and our home, I've let a lot of personal interests slide.  But I think it's important to our family to have DD come home to an organized, calm, home, so DH and I both put our own needs aside.  We'll have plenty of time to [crochet/play jazz piano/collect samurai swords] when she's grown and off to college."  Pretend she is suggesting that you've spent so much time on homemaking that you don't have time for personal things.

I know I'm going to get flak about this, but have you tried turning the joke back at her?  Find a funny way of saying you don't have a lot of extra time at home because you have so many other interests and how sorry you feel for the OLD TIME housewives who were so repressed they didn't dare do half the things you and your young, modern women friend get to do. Something like that.  Throw a couple of biting good 'jokes' back and she'll either complain you're acting like a grouchy female canine (one word/ sounds like itch) or just shut up.  Or...if she really doesn't mean anything by her 'jokes' she'll laugh good and hard and you'll feel better knowing she really is only kidding (Haha, I don't believe that one either).