Author Topic: As the holiday call cycle starts...  (Read 4204 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Ivy

  • Guest
As the holiday call cycle starts...
« on: September 10, 2008, 04:53:13 PM »
...I need a minute to vent.

Last year I went with my BF and his family to his aunt's house.  I will only go again at gunpoint. 

BF's mother is asthmatic.  I'm asthmatic.  Cigarette smoke is a trigger for both of us.  In prior years she's gone upstairs or outside to smoke.  Last year she decided it was her house and she'd do what she wanted, and smoked all over the house, thus giving both of us bad attacks to the point that I wasn't feeling quite well for several days after.   

BF's brother-in-law is a diabetic.  BF's father is a diabetic.  Dinner was supposed to be at 6.  When 8:00 rolled around, still no dinner, both were feeling a bit ill.  BIL asked for a cookie or a glass of juice to up his blood sugar (I'm not sure if he's actually diabetic or really hypoglycemic, since he tends to have a drop in blood sugar, not an elevation).  In any case, it's not dinner time, so no, no food allowed.  The father just snuck a handful of cookies and when BIL looked about ready to pass out I stole a plate of cookies for him. 

They constantly gang up on him, largely because he's the first Jew that's come into the family.  I can be extremely nasty if I want to be, and I proved awfully fast the first time I was chosen as a target.  He's not so good at verbally sparring.  He's too nice.  It's crazy.  His daughter wanted to run over a blue canopy that covers a pool.  She can't swim.  It was the dead of winter.  He yelled at her to get away from it, that it was dangerous, and they reprimanded him for yelling at her. 

Her house; her rules.  That's fine.  But there is no way I am going there ever again.  I just can't take another year of this.  If I had brought my car, I'd have left as soon as the madness started.

And now it's time for the calls to start.  "What day is good?  What's your schedule?"  I'll soon get to reiterate my stance, no, I'm not going.  In fact, I can take BIL since he's so unwanted and we can have a lovely dinner with pleasant conversation where no one says anything nasty to or about him. 

I'm dreading the impending arguments when I explain that thank you, no, I will not be attending.

magiccat26

  • Goddess in training!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2331
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2008, 04:56:37 PM »
Can you just tell them that you are already "all booked up" for the holidays?  It can be true...we're actually all booked up for the month of October since we have so many events already on the Calendar...we don't have a single free weekend or day off.

So, just tell them your "dance card" is filled an maybe you guys will see them next year.
“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.” — Catherine Aird

Asha

  • Guest
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2008, 11:00:34 AM »
"We're spending a quiet holiday season this year; maybe we can catch up at a less crazy time."  (Assuming, of course, that your BF agrees with you.)

flower_flr

  • Guest
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2008, 03:39:37 PM »
What does BF think about the whole thing? My DH and I have a rule - I deal with my family he deals with his. Of course, I also had a policy of no family holidays until we were married. Which was mostly about putting off the "fun" as long as possible. We dated five years and I went with my family for holidays and he went with his.

Ivy

  • Guest
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2008, 08:12:05 AM »
BF thinks the family (except the BIL) is all great and wonderful and wants me to go.  Thus, why it might end up as a bit of a fight.   :(

Shores

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7668
  • F.O.E.
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2008, 08:15:04 AM »
BF thinks the family (except the BIL) is all great and wonderful and wants me to go.  Thus, why it might end up as a bit of a fight.   :(
He thinks it's "great and wonderful" that they gang up on BIL because of his religion? That its "great and wonderful" that you ended up unable to breathe? And you said "except the BIL"... does he also dislike him because he's Jewish?
Wherever you go.... there you are.

caranfin

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15629
  • I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2008, 08:32:59 AM »
BF thinks the family (except the BIL) is all great and wonderful and wants me to go.  Thus, why it might end up as a bit of a fight.   :(

This is disturbing.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13163
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2008, 01:34:00 PM »
BF thinks the family (except the BIL) is all great and wonderful and wants me to go.  Thus, why it might end up as a bit of a fight.   :(

He thinks that this behavior is "great and wonderful"?  It sounds, too, like he has a prejudice against BIL.  This man had better have some other stellar qualities about him.  Why are you with someone who is probably prejudiced and approves of outright hostility to a family member?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

snowball's chance

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6495
  • the poster formerly known as mm250
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2008, 01:44:05 PM »
I think you should spend the holidays without the family, and, frankly, without the boyfriend.

jane_savannah

  • Guest
Re: As the holiday call cycle starts...
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2008, 06:55:53 PM »
Poor thing - I can't believe that they will argue with you if you politely decline!  You do not have to listen to them.  As difficult as it is, I simply interupt such rants and say, "Unfortunately, I will still not be able to join you and now need to get off the phone.  Is there anything else that I can do for you?"  They are normally so stunned at the audacity that they just politely get off the phone.  You can expect that they will viciously complain behind your back :-).  I leave off what I want to say, "I would rather sit by myself in a room without electricity eating Taco Bell and be lonely than spend six to eight hours of pure hell receiving snide remarks from you".  Good luck!