BB Saga just won't quit... and I am thinking I'm in too deep.

[afbluebelle]

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=29767.0

I thought it had ended.  I was wrong.

I got a message on the ebil demon Myspace today from BB.  He said he was sorry that we didn't talk more, but he felt like when he got married, he had betrayed me

 

He then went on to explain that he had always felt a lot more for me than he had ever let on... and he still did.  If anyone wants, I can cut and paste for the exact wording, but that is the gist of it.  I don't think he ever made his feelings known to his spouse, but yeah.

No wonder his wife didn't like me


I am sick and darn tired of having to not talk to my male friends because they bring up feelings that should have been made apparent to me before I got married.   I want to keep a friendship with BB, but gee whiz, this new information makes it hard.  Should I even talk to him anymore, or bail out?

[Shoo]

No good can come of him giving you this information.  He should have kept it to himself.

Time to bail, I'm afraid.  I don't think his motives are pure.

[MDefarge]

Bail...bail fast, bail hard, and don't even reply to his e-mail....ouch this is bad.

[sisbam]

... I'd wait a few days until the shock died and I can think straight and then talk to him. Ask him what he meant to accomplish by sending that message. Ask him whether he can be civil/platonic. (Heck, ask him whether it's safe to contact each other, considering his wife's... tendencies). If you choose to bail afterwards, then at least things will have been clarified.

*confesses to being a big fan of talking and closure*

[JocelynCS]

One probably-grasping-at-straws thought...are you sure the message WAS from him?  Does his wife have access to his MySpace username and password?  Could she still be scrounging for meat on you and him and hoping you will respond by revealing some long-lasting affair?

ETA:  If you are certain that is NOT the case and that he was indeed confessing feelings, I vote for making a clean and firm break.  Simply reply seriously that you can no longer be in contact with him because of his feelings and that you believe it to be best for all concerned, and ask him not to contact you again.  I agree that you are in too deep.

[afbluebelle]

Seriously, first Dev, and now this

:head hits wall:

Maybe Mom was right when she said men and women can't be just friends.  I hate it when she is right.

[WildChild@Heart]

Your Mom is likely right that men and women can't be friends when one of then has romantic feelings and the other one doesn't. It's time to let this friendship go. I would email him back and simply say "I'm sorry, but I don't feel share your feelings and feel it is best for me to step away from our friendship." And then don't respond to any further attempts from him to contact/engage you.

[Sophia]

What a nitwit.

I almost feel sorry for the wife now.  You know he had to be, "AfBlueBelle did this.  AFBlueBell did that.  Why aren't you more like AFBlueBell?  She can look hot even covered in dirt." 

Men and women can be friends, I have many. 

[Texas Mom]

I want to keep a friendship with BB, but gee whiz, this new information makes it hard.  Should I even talk to him anymore, or bail out?

The guy has been your friend for a long time and he stepped in it.

I think discretion demands the following:

Take some time to calm down,

Pretend that he never sent the e-mail and you never got it,

Continue to act as "normally" as you can around him until your feelings really normalize again,

If he ever brings it up, answer "What e-mail?"

[supernova]

ITA.  Ignore, ignore, ignore.  If by some chance it isn't Jealousina posing as BB, then your simple act of not acknowledging could save him some embarrassment further down the road.

But let's be honest here...  my money is on the message having originated with Jealousina.

     - saphie

[veraobsession]

If he(she) sent it on myspace then he(she) already knows the message has been read. Myspace tells you when a message you sent has been read.

I agree with simply asking him "What did you hope to accomplish by sending me this letter?" Let him know that you would never come between a man and his wife, and that you dont understand why he would tell you these things.

Does he just have a serious case of grass is greener maybe?

[blarg314]

I'd be inclined towards the following response

"BB, I'm not interested in hearing this. I am not interested in you. We are both married, and telling me this isn't fair to either of our spouses.  Please do not contact me again."

If it's him emailing you, he's being an idiot (I'd use stronger words in person). The time to confess feelings for a friend is before either of you are married. Once you are both married, your feelings become a deep dark secret, shared with no-one. If you are married to someone else, and still carry a flame for an old friend, then the fair thing to do, with respect to your spouse, is to cut off contact with the old friend.

If, by some chance, his wife has sent the message to test him (and you), I'd sent the same response. If it's his Myspace account, he will be able to see the message and your response, and can deal with it accordingly.

In that case, if he's chosen to stay with a jealous, manipulative, emotionally unstable women who is deliberately sabotaging his friendships, then this is what he signed up for. If he's married to someone with that attitude, then he has to accept the fact that he will not be able to have female friends, old or otherwise.

[atirial]

I'd completely agree with blarg314 with a small change to one line:

"BB, I'm not interested in hearing this. I am not interested in you. We are both married, and telling me this is disrespectful to both our spouses, and to me.  Please do not contact me again."

Otherwise he might take that line "not fair to either of our spouses" to mean that if she weren't married, she'd be interested. By saying he is showing a lack of respect for all concerned, including her, it makes it quite obvious she is not interested.

It hurts to cut off a friendship, but he seems to be carrying a torch, and if that message is anything to go by he doesn't need much encouragement. Difficult though it is, you might want to cut him off, not least since the suspicion of adultery would be enough to damage your career (and possibly marriage).

[afbluebelle]

Heh.  I replied by the seat of my pants last night without y'alls valuable advice

I called him a Jack donkey   and told him he better be joking.  Exact phrase, with the smiley.  Not my best work, but it is definitely language he understands.

I never even thought of the possibility that it might be his wife... I'm thinking no matter what the outcome, I'm just going to fold em.

:afblue backs away slowly, humming Kenny Rogers:

[JocelynCS]

Heh.  I replied by the seat of my pants last night without y'alls valuable advice

I called him a Jack donkey   and told him he better be joking.  Exact phrase, with the smiley.  Not my best work, but it is definitely language he understands.

I never even thought of the possibility that it might be his wife... I'm thinking no matter what the outcome, I'm just going to fold em.

:afblue backs away slowly, humming Kenny Rogers:

Well, even if it was a tad on the rude side, you at least got the message across and made YOUR position clear, which is probably the most important thing at this point for you and your marriage and your reputation.