Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

Nosy Friend

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mbak:
I need some advice!

I have this friend who is really nosy. She constantly inquires about the details of my relationship (including sex life), finances, employment..basically nothing is off topic for this girl. I've tried to be diplomatic and change the topic on her when she asks me this kind of stuff, but she doesn't seem to get the point. She's actually gone as far as to ask me whether my sister's baby was an accident. Not only has she asked me that once, but at least three or four times (on separate occasions..one being at another friend's wedding).

She has now taken this "nosiness" to a whole other level. She is trying to ingratiate herself into various aspects of my life. She tells me (not suggests) to apply to a certain job because she said lots of things about me to the employer (umm..hello..never said I wanted a new job!?). She keeps asking me to include her in any wedding planning (she is not a bridesmaid..although she said she wants to be..my wedding isn't for another 2 years).

I know she has good intentions with most of what she does/says...but it's really bothering me...to the point that I'm tempted to just cut her out of my life. But before I come to that extreme end, I was wondering if there is anything you could suggest for me to say to curtail this behaviour from her. (Telling her "it's none of your business"..or "for me to know" has not worked thus far).

Grape:
I think after trying the things you have, it wouldn't be bad to just say something along the lines of, "I'm not comfortable sharing that type of information, so please don't ask me again."

If she STILL doesn't get it, you would have to decide whether to just ignore it and not let it bother you or avoid being around her.

Asha:
A response to unsolicited advise that works for me is simply "Thank you for sharing."  It is polite, acknowledges that you have heard the other person and yet does not give any hint of your intentions.

MineralDiva:
I think you've gone the polite route.  She doesn't seem interested in curtailing her behavior.  So in this case, I believe it's time to light it up in proverbial neon for her in terms that even she can understand:

"Your incessant personal questions are inappropriate.  My affairs and those of my family, are none of your concern.  Nor do I wish to hear comment from you about any of it.  You would do well to just keep tabs on the inner workings of your 'own' life, and you'll have plenty enough to do.  If you can't control yourself and won't respect my boundaries on this, then our rel@tionship is finished."

And MEAN it!  If she insists, then cut her off completely.  There is no reason to allow someone like that to bully their way into your personal life.

ETA:  And on the flip side, make sure you are not sharing anything with her that she will feel free to comment about, or hold over you later on.  In effect, give her NOTHING to say.  And if she says it anyway, she's no longer welcome in your world.

Bibliophile:

--- Quote from: Grape on September 11, 2008, 06:06:36 PM ---I think after trying the things you have, it wouldn't be bad to just say something along the lines of, "I'm not comfortable sharing that type of information, so please don't ask me again."

If she STILL doesn't get it, you would have to decide whether to just ignore it and not let it bother you or avoid being around her.

--- End quote ---

POD

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