Author Topic: I said NO.  (Read 6055 times)

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CakeBeret

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I said NO.
« on: September 11, 2008, 11:40:34 PM »
I SAID NO!

I'm...a pushover. I've been working on growing a backbone but it's not easy.

My sister is still smarting that I did not ask her to be my Maid of Honor in my wedding. Quite honestly she is one of the LAST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD I would ever ask to be my MOH. My best friend of 18+ years, Sarah, has that honor. The following conversation happened as a result of Sis's lingering displeasure.

Sis: I need Sarah's phone number.
Me: ...Why?
Sis: I need to talk to her.
Me: ...Why?
Sis: Well, since I'm not your Maid of Honor, I need to tell Sarah what she needs to do and when.
Me: Excuse me?
Sis: Sarah's young. She might not know what being Maid of Honor entails. So I need to give her a list of her duties.
Me: The only thing that matters to me, is that Sarah stands next to me at the altar on my wedding day. Everything else is just a bonus.
Sis: But she has DUTIES!
Me: No.
Sis: But I need to tell her that she needs to find a new bra. [Sarah is extremely large busted and has trouble finding a good bra. However she does own a 'formal' bra that does wonders for her.]
Me: That's ridiculous. She's an adult and perfectly capable of outfitting herself appropriately.
Sis: You really don't want your MOH's b**bs flashing all over the place at your wedding.
Me: That's really none of your concern.
Sis: Excuse me?
Me: I'm not giving you her number. This is ridiculous.
Sis: Then who's going to make sure she does a good job?
Me: It doesn't matter. No.
Sis: But--
Me: NO.


Oh, that one little word is so empowering!
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Black Delphinium

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2008, 11:46:41 PM »
Oh, how glad I am to be the only daughter.

Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself! This is the Fall of Entitlement, after all.(or so they say)
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

Minmom3

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2008, 11:48:36 PM »
I SAID NO!

I'm...a pushover. I've been working on growing a backbone but it's not easy.

My sister is still smarting that I did not ask her to be my Maid of Honor in my wedding. Quite honestly she is one of the LAST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD I would ever ask to be my MOH. My best friend of 18+ years, Sarah, has that honor. The following conversation happened as a result of Sis's lingering displeasure.

Sis: I need Sarah's phone number.
Me: ...Why?
Sis: I need to talk to her.
Me: ...Why?
Sis: Well, since I'm not your Maid of Honor, I need to tell Sarah what she needs to do and when.
Me: Excuse me?
Sis: Sarah's young. She might not know what being Maid of Honor entails. So I need to give her a list of her duties.
Me: The only thing that matters to me, is that Sarah stands next to me at the altar on my wedding day. Everything else is just a bonus.
Sis: But she has DUTIES!
Me: No.
Sis: But I need to tell her that she needs to find a new bra. [Sarah is extremely large busted and has trouble finding a good bra. However she does own a 'formal' bra that does wonders for her.]
Me: That's ridiculous. She's an adult and perfectly capable of outfitting herself appropriately.
Sis: You really don't want your MOH's b**bs flashing all over the place at your wedding.
Me: That's really none of your concern.
Sis: Excuse me?
Me: I'm not giving you her number. This is ridiculous.
Sis: Then who's going to make sure she does a good job?
Me: It doesn't matter. No.
Sis: But--
Me: NO.


Oh, that one little word is so empowering!

You did very well.  I'm impressed, it can't have been easy, but you stood up to her.    Good job!
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

missmolly

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2008, 01:54:22 AM »
Eeep. Good thing she's not your MOH.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Zenith

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2008, 02:12:25 AM »
Good on you for standing up to your sister.

I wonder why she's not your MOH  ::).

Congratulations on your upcoming Wedding


hjaye

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2008, 09:12:07 AM »
I think you still need to have a talk with Sarah and let her know if your sister contacts her to ignore her.  Your sister sounds like the type that may find a way to go around you and get in contact with Sarah without you knowing about it.  I think you need to head her off at the pass.

caranfin

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2008, 09:14:22 AM »
Gee, Shatzie, are you sure you don't want your sister to be MOH? She sounds like a real take-charge kinda gal who will make sure you do everything correctly.  ;D
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camlan

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2008, 09:16:09 AM »
Is your sister aware that this is your wedding and not hers? I can see why you decided not to have her as MOH.

My baby sister is teetering on the brink of getting engaged. There's a big age difference between us and she has a ton of really close friends, so I'm not expecting to be in the wedding party. Because it's baby sis's wedding and she can have who she wants stand up with her.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


Shortcake

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2008, 10:19:29 AM »
I think you still need to have a talk with Sarah and let her know if your sister contacts her to ignore her.  Your sister sounds like the type that may find a way to go around you and get in contact with Sarah without you knowing about it.  I think you need to head her off at the pass.

You did an awesome job standing up to your sister! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

 I wanted to also add that I agree with hjaye. You might need to warn Sarah about your sister.
"Carry out a random act of kindness, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."  Princess Diana

CakeBeret

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2008, 10:30:17 AM »
I think you still need to have a talk with Sarah and let her know if your sister contacts her to ignore her.  Your sister sounds like the type that may find a way to go around you and get in contact with Sarah without you knowing about it.  I think you need to head her off at the pass.

I already did. We had a good laugh about my sister's antics. But Sarah made me tell her what all my sister had in mind (bachelorette party, bridal shower.)  :-\  I told her I didn't want her to feel obligated to do any of it (although she was quite amused by the bra issue), but she assured me she did not feel obligated or forced.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Asha

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2008, 10:57:33 AM »
Good for you!!!  And kudos to your friend for having such a great sense of humour.

*rereads the part about the b**bs and shakes her head*  Honestly!

Minmom3

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2008, 12:06:01 AM »
I think you still need to have a talk with Sarah and let her know if your sister contacts her to ignore her.  Your sister sounds like the type that may find a way to go around you and get in contact with Sarah without you knowing about it.  I think you need to head her off at the pass.

You make a very good point, sad to say.
  My mother had a melt down hissy fit 3 days before my wedding, because she had 'no part to play in the wedding' and her mother was my matron of honor.  Gramma was my MOH as the visible Thank You for being a neato grandmother who was not too terribly far from death's door - and SHE paid for my entire dress and my honeymoon.  Gramma died 4 months after we got married.  I told mom that this was my public thank you to her mother, that mom's role in the wedding was 'mother of the bride' and that if she couldn't stand that her dying mother had a part and she didn't, that she needed to stay home....

I then called Gramma, and got her husband, who absolutely hated my mother.  Mom had been rude and nasty to my grandmother a few times too many, and Gram's husband just could not stand Mom.  I told my story to him, and told him to NOT let Gramma back down to try to keep the peace, that it was My Wedding and having Gram as my MOH was my choice, and I Wanted to Have My Way, TYVM.  Then I spoke to Gram and warned her that Mom was on the war path, but that this was very important to me, and please do not back out unless you feel too sick to stand up that long!!  Made Gramma cry with that little tale, but she did, by jings, stand there as my Matron of Honor. 

Every family has one of those people, and they are a cautionary tale told to misbehaving children.  "You don't want to end up like HER, do you?"    My mother has insulted and chased away all family members, and her friendship list is short and ever revolving.  Nobody lasts for long.  It's sad.  Gramma's funeral was huge.  Mom's will be minuscule.
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Lisbeth

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2008, 12:10:03 AM »
Good for you, Shatzie!

Your sister has more nerve than a tooth with a root canal.
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Nuala

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Re: I said NO.
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2008, 07:40:05 PM »
Shatzie, you did a great job.

Is your sister married? What's her source for the MOH's "duties"? Is she trying to form your wedding after the one she wants/wanted/had?