Author Topic: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress Update Post 27  (Read 4111 times)

4 Members and 4 Guests are viewing this topic.

AzaleaBloom

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 97
  • Help, I'm stepping into the twilight zone...
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2014, 11:09:49 AM »
I POD the suggestions of politely asking if the way you dress impacts the way you do your job.  The fact that this has been discussed repeatedly means that it needs to be shut down - nicely, but firmly.

Also, points to you for taking care of yourself in running cold.  I have dealt with people in the past who do as well, and feel that everyone else needs to cater to them - including shutting off air conditioning in the middle of summer.  The fact that you recognize that this is your problem and you are addressing it in a way that doesn't impact anyone else should give more impact when talking to your bosses if/when they bring it up again.

GrammarNerd

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 521
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2014, 11:39:05 AM »
"I guess it must be April (or May) if you're telling me that it's warm outside."

And don't say anything else.

When they ask why or say 'huh?', then you can say, 'Well, you say the same thing to me every year at this time.'

Or, how about, "You really need a new conversation starter.  That one's getting kind of old."

Cali.in.UK

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 49
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #17 on: April 11, 2014, 11:51:12 AM »
Toots comment "do you feel my wardrobe is impacting my work?" is also a good Cut and Paste. I love this! Lol. I think I'll use it, I have the same issue Reader! I'm always cold and for some odd twist of fate, a lot of people around me are the opposite so they are wearing shorts, I'm wearing jeans, big socks, sweatshirt and a scarf.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5389
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #18 on: April 11, 2014, 11:55:53 AM »
I'd go short and to the point.

"You don't need that coat anymore."
"Yes I do."

"It's warm enough outside."
"Not to me."

"You should see a doctor."
"I have, I'm perfectly fine."

"There's something wrong with you."
"My doctor disagrees."

Just keep repeating the same answer whenever you get the same question/comment. Ideally they'll get as frustrated as you are and give up.

HockeyNut

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 165
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #19 on: April 11, 2014, 01:59:19 PM »
I had the "running cold" problem before my Blessed Event (I did have incredibly low iron levels) and know exactly how you feel.  I still tend to run cold but thankfully no one bugs me about it anymore.  I had one friend that could not let it rest so I finally asked him how my wearing layers of clothing impacted his life.  He didn't have a good answer & finally shut up about it.
So if you have the kind of office where a little humor would not go wrong that's what I would ask both of them.
Because really, how does it impact their lives?

(And I don't know about you but I always dread the start of A/C season - it doesn't need to be 65 degrees inside!!)

RegionMom

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6143
  • ♪♫ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪♫ ♪ ♪♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #20 on: April 17, 2014, 08:04:56 PM »
See, after 12 years of this nonsense, I would be a little more assertive.

"Do you feel my wardrobe is impacting my work?"

If the answer is yes, then your boss needs to talk to you about that, not about whether you "should" be cold.

If the answer is "no", then my response would be, "Okay, good." and back to what I was doing.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

If you are a stripper, all that clothing would impact your work.  Most other jobs, you are fine! >:D >:D
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

HappilyInsane

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 172
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2014, 12:11:34 PM »
I have the opposite problem, but I can sympathize. I burn up all the time. My work shirts are sleeveless polos. Unless it's snowing or really windy, I tend to go out on smoke breaks mid winter with no coat. Without fail 2-3 customers will ask me every time, "Where is your coat? Aren't you freezing?". My standard answer these days is just a shrug while saying "menopause". What I really want to say is..." I'm 47 years old... don't you think I have sense enough to know when I'm cold and when I'm not?".

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10531
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #22 on: April 18, 2014, 12:32:59 PM »
"I may or may not be part mermaid"
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Cherry91

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 452
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #23 on: April 18, 2014, 06:47:03 PM »
I sympathize... I have poor circulation, so last week when it was quite warm out I still had hands like blocks of ice. I'm still often having to wear my leather jacket because I still feel cold even when most people don't.

I like the "Does my clothong impact on my ability to work?" response to insensitive comments/questions

veronaz

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1689
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #24 on: April 18, 2014, 09:13:46 PM »
"I'm comfortable."  Then walk away.
If that same person persists, "Don't worry about it."  (polite tone)


lellah

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 186
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #25 on: April 19, 2014, 04:28:35 PM »
Do you think that it's possible your boss is trying to communicate, albeit passive aggressively, that what you're wearing isn't appropriate? Not seasonally inappropriate but just plain ol' inapprorpiate?  For instance, I'd consider snow boots and coats something that would normally be worn outside exclusively and then replaced with other shoes/garments when indoors, even in a very casual workplace.  In the winter perhaps you're given a bit of leeway but in the spring months that style of dress is just so much more conspicuous.  I think it's worth asking--especially if you're working with clients at all--"am I attracting this concern because you think I might be ill or because you'd prefer I wear other clothing?"  Male bosses are often uncomfortable bringing up issues of wardrobe with female employees because of fear of impropriety.  It seems like that's quite possible what at work here.

(PS Solidarity! It's April and I am wearing a very thick, very warm sweater.)


bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12020
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #26 on: April 21, 2014, 05:03:29 PM »
To boss:  "Just to make sure, I have checked with my doctor. Every year about this time I am still in winter mode while others have moved onto spring.  If there is something specific that is affecting my work, please let me know."

Reader

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 635
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress
« Reply #27 on: Today at 03:14:17 PM »
Do you think that it's possible your boss is trying to communicate, albeit passive aggressively, that what you're wearing isn't appropriate? Not seasonally inappropriate but just plain ol' inappropriate?  For instance, I'd consider snow boots and coats something that would normally be worn outside exclusively and then replaced with other shoes/garments when indoors, even in a very casual workplace.  In the winter perhaps you're given a bit of leeway but in the spring months that style of dress is just so much more conspicuous.  I think it's worth asking--especially if you're working with clients at all--"am I attracting this concern because you think I might be ill or because you'd prefer I wear other clothing?"  Male bosses are often uncomfortable bringing up issues of wardrobe with female employees because of fear of impropriety.  It seems like that's quite possible what at work here.

(PS Solidarity! It's April and I am wearing a very thick, very warm sweater.)

OP here with an update.  I had the phrase "It's nice of you to worry, but I don't like being cold." response all set for the next time my boss spoke with me(hadn't seen the "Does my clothing impact on my ability to work?" comment yet.)  Which happened last Friday (Friday's are casual days where we can wear jeans).  Boss stopped into my office that morning, made a comment asking if I was going to wear my boots during this week.  I started with my response only to be cutoff, and then told my boots were unprofessional, and that he expected me to wear more professional shoes in the next week.  I was totally taken off guard by this as this is the first time he has said this about my footwear in the 12 years I have been here.  Thought it was even more strange that it was said while he was wearing tennis shoes.  So I responded with ok, and wore my light fall/spring boots on Monday (required more layers to stay warm and my feet are still chilly.)  I included a quote by llehah, because I saw it today and it had a few good points.  To answer some points, I do not work with our clients on a face to face basis at all.  No clients ever visit our office.  The main people I see on a daily basis are my boss, my coworkers, and the occasional delivery driver or fedex delivery guy.  My boss does not have a problem talking to the other females in our office about clothing worn to the office (specific coworker who has worn see through white pants with bright colored flower underwear on underneath, to shirts without bras, to shirts exposing bra straps) which I see and agree would be inappropriate for work she she does meet with clients (always offsite at their offices).  But I did take in to consideration the part  "For instance, I'd consider snow boots and coats something that would normally be worn outside exclusively and then replaced with other shoes/garments when indoors, even in a very casual workplace.  In the winter perhaps you're given a bit of leeway but in the spring months that style of dress is just so much more conspicuous." which we are given leeway in the winter not to change shoes (probably has to do with the fact that I spend quite a bit in our offices back areas which at kept at 50 degrees).  So this week I haven't had any comments about my current shoes and probably won't here anymore comments about my attire as it keeps warming up hopefully, then I get to close both vents in my office when we switch to air conditioning.  So I'm going to keep the phrase  "Does my clothing impact on my ability to work?" handy just in case, because I'm still in 3 layers on top in case a comment is forthcoming, and say it for next time. 

Arila

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 497
Re: Need replies to inquirys on how I dress Update Post 27
« Reply #28 on: Today at 04:44:16 PM »
Sometimes there are threads about how to approach this from the other side as well (there's one going on in this same section right now! http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=133305.0)

Maybe he was abrupt, but he could have been practicing a certain script all the way to work about it. As in the other thread, sometimes it's not about how it affects your objective job performance, sometimes it's how it affects your perceived job performance, or missed opportunities to improve/get good exposure.