News: All new forum theme!  See Forum Announcements for more information. 

  • March 27, 2015, 03:33:41 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: s/o oh you're sick too  (Read 459 times)

2 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Army Mom

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 176
s/o oh you're sick too
« on: Today at 12:29:22 PM »
I haven't said anything at my office about this and very likely will not but I'd like some feedback on if this was rude or if I'm being sensitive.  B/G:  I work in a university office of 15 people (staff not faculty) and have been here almost eight years.

It is common in my office for the group to sign and send condolence cards (and birthday and retirement etc).  I lost my brother in January and my father in February.  I did not receive a card for either. 

In between my two losses, a much higher-up the chain faculty member (not in my office) lost his mother.  A condolence card was passed around my office for him and signed by all, including me.

Rude or overly-sensitive?

EllenS

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2388
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:
Re: s/o oh you're sick too
« Reply #1 on: Today at 12:40:49 PM »
Certainly unfortunate and I don't blame you for being sensitive about it.
Who instigates the card-signing? Is it always the same person, or does it just depend on the recipient?
There are a lot of things that could be going on here, some of them less hurtful than others: Maybe the "card person" knew about the senior person's loss, but didn't hear about yours until much later? Maybe the people who know you well aren't the card-circulating type? Maybe the card-person was out sick or overwhelmed with work and nobody picked up the slack?

In any event, it's normal and not "over sensitive" to feel slighted, but if you otherwise like your job, it's better to try and attribute it to something impersonal/unintentional, if you can. If there's a pervasive pattern that you feel overlooked, unappreciated, or "kept out of the loop" about many things, then maybe looking for another job would be a good idea.

DanaJ

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 461
Re: s/o oh you're sick too
« Reply #2 on: Today at 12:47:30 PM »
I haven't said anything at my office about this and very likely will not but I'd like some feedback on if this was rude or if I'm being sensitive.  B/G:  I work in a university office of 15 people (staff not faculty) and have been here almost eight years.

It is common in my office for the group to sign and send condolence cards (and birthday and retirement etc).  I lost my brother in January and my father in February.  I did not receive a card for either. 

In between my two losses, a much higher-up the chain faculty member (not in my office) lost his mother.  A condolence card was passed around my office for him and signed by all, including me.

Rude or overly-sensitive?

I find in my office card-signings are not universally applied and don't necessarily reflect how people see the bereaved/birthday celebrant/retiree etc. We used to have some colleagues who were the self-designated "social committee" and would look for excuses to give out cards, but since they've left, it really is hit and miss when it comes to whether or not anyone would think of a card for any given occasion.

IME, a lot of time offices rely on one person to take the initiative to get the ball rolling for stuff like that, and if that employee is too busy or doesn't know about a situation, it falls through the cracks.

I don't think it's rude of your colleagues (they probably didn't snub you intentionally), and I don't think you're being over-sensitive either.

bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5490
Re: s/o oh you're sick too
« Reply #3 on: Today at 01:00:17 PM »
I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all.  I can definitely see how this can hurt...especially during a time of grief.

I also don't think that your coworkers intentionally snubbed you.  I just think that things get overlooked depending on who typically initiates these things.  If you are snubbed on all your birthdays or other occasions where cards are normally given and you are the only one that is consistently overlooked, then my thoughts would be different...and in that case, it would be important to evaluate the circumstances for your situation vs. others. Like are you less vocal about these things or is there a relationship issue with your coworkers, etc?

Benni

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 180
Re: s/o oh you're sick too
« Reply #4 on: Today at 02:37:02 PM »
This is exactly why we do not do celebrations in our office.  We will do funeral baskets/flowers, but that is all.  It is too easy to make a mistake and it is too easy to  have hurt feelings.  Besides, this is work.  If you want to let your co-workers know you like them, invite them to lunch.  If you want to let them know you appreciate their work, tell them.  Chocolate also goes a long way to say something (whatever you want it to say, it's chocolate).

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28964
Re: s/o oh you're sick too
« Reply #5 on: Today at 03:15:54 PM »
I wonder what the reaction would be if you put two cards in a folder and passed them around "for Army Mom". Would the person who usually does this catch on?

It certainly is quite unfortunate to do this for some, and not for all.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."