Author Topic: uh.. that's a BIG no  (Read 14919 times)

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geordicat

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uh.. that's a BIG no
« on: September 14, 2008, 07:37:51 PM »
k.. I have this online friend.  We've been talking for several years now.  We have met IRL and frankly, we are worlds apart.  She came to my house once, and I drove to her house once.  We live in different states.  We really don't have a lot in common.  She 'pouts' if I don't chat every.single.night.  I don't always have something to talk about every night.  Lately I just haven't been available online to talk to her.

So.. we were talking the other night and she is having another online friend from another country come visit her for a month.  This friend shows up next week.  She was telling me that she won't be online much.  I said "That's ok.  You know, we really don't have to chat every.single.night.  We'll catch up when we catch up.  I've been swamped at work and weekends have been packed with other things."

She then said "How would you like some out of town visitors for a few days? ;)"

me..  :o  "I really don't have any vacation time to take off, so, that won't be possible"
Her: "you don't work on the weekends!"
me:  "That won't be possible"
her:  "why not?  I haven't seen you in years!"
me:  "Sorry, no."
her:  pout pout pout

She wanted to come over AND bring a friend of hers, who I've never met, and stay in my house!  I don't know her friend.  I don't care if she knows the friend, and has met her before, don't bring strangers to MY house!!

I don't really have room.  Any guests have to sleep on the couches or we dig out the air mattresses.  I can't afford to really feed guests right now.  I can't afford to drive guests around and show off my city.  And I go to bed early, like before 8:00 pm.  I enjoy my down time knowing my house is quiet, calm, closed down for the night.  This friend stays up until about 5 am.  So they'd be up taking all night and I have a TEENY house.

Had she said something like "Hey, friendfromScotland is coming next week and staying a month.  We plan on traveling a lot, like the Grand Canyon, this site, that site and we may swing up to Seattle!  Wanna get together for a day if we do?"  She just said "How'd you like some out of town visitors for a few days?"

I'm proud of me for not offering excuses and just saying 'No' but dang it's hard.  Why do we feel compelled to give excuses, which just get shot down?
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

Alida

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2008, 07:45:41 PM »
You did great!

rashea

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2008, 07:50:16 PM »
Good job.

We feel the need to give excuses because if we just say no then we might not be trying hard enough to make everyone else happy. If we have a reason, then we can let ourselves off the hook. That's my theory.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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geordicat

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2008, 07:56:53 PM »
thank you.  :)  Aside from the fact that this person is boring has a totally different view on what's considered fun, she really doesn't like to get out and go see stuff unless she can sit in air conditioned comfort in her car.  I LOVE taking my out of town guests on tours of Seattle.. Pike Place Market, The Seattle Underground, through our wonderful Science Center... and this person doesn't find that stuff fun.

sitting in front of the tv, that's fun for her.

Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

goblue2539

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2008, 08:10:06 PM »
I LOVE taking my out of town guests on tours of Seattle.. Pike Place Market, The Seattle Underground, through our wonderful Science Center... and this person doesn't find that stuff fun.



Can I be your OOT guest?  That sounds like one of the best trips ever!!!

geordicat

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2008, 08:17:37 PM »
Only if you bring your friends that I don't know!  ;)
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

goblue2539

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2008, 08:19:44 PM »
You got it!!  I know lots of people you don't know.  :P

sbtier

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2008, 09:23:24 AM »
Just curious, why do you chat every day with someone when you are 'worlds apart' and she is 'boring'?  I think you should just end the friendship by nicely telling her that as time goes on you realize you have nothing in common, then block her if she bothers you.

geordicat

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2008, 10:29:06 AM »
This is pretty much what I've done.  She's hanging onto the friendship.  I am not the one who initiates the chats.   I just feel bad for ending it permanently.  She's a nice lady, and I don't want to hurt her feelings in any way.  She's had enough people do that to her (hmm... maybe for the same reason I am?)
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

wyozozo

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2008, 10:40:09 AM »
thank you.  :)  Aside from the fact that this person is boring has a totally different view on what's considered fun, she really doesn't like to get out and go see stuff unless she can sit in air conditioned comfort in her car.  I LOVE taking my out of town guests on tours of Seattle.. Pike Place Market, The Seattle Underground, through our wonderful Science Center... and this person doesn't find that stuff fun.

sitting in front of the tv, that's fun for her.



All my favorite things in Seattle!! Too bad you can no longer show guests the automatic toilets! Those were the best.



geordicat

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2008, 05:35:27 PM »
Right now people would be fun... I'm making a HUGE pot of bean soup.  this is one of those things that can only be made in a big pot.  My son hates bean soup.   So it's all for MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

sparkysparky

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2008, 10:52:48 PM »
Enjoy your bean soup, and do NOT feel guilty.

You didn't invite them over, and it's presumptious of them to invite themselves over without being asked.


K12144

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2008, 10:12:21 PM »
I don't feel bad about blocking people on IM...it just makes it look like you never come online; it's not like it pops up a big window in their face that says 'THIS PERSON HAS BLOCKED YOU.  CLEARLY THEY DO NOT LIKE YOU."  At worst, you might get an email or call that says "hey, you're never online anymore!" and you can always ignore or say you are busy.

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2008, 05:43:05 PM »
That does sound like fun and well I have done most of those things, I have never been on the underground tour and the winning point for geordiecat to spend time with me is that I don't have to spend the night. I live in Tacoma and am up for a day trip.

geordicat

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Re: uh.. that's a BIG no
« Reply #14 on: October 21, 2008, 07:09:12 PM »
Cool!  What part of Tacoma?  I used to live over on W. Dean, right off 6th not too far from that corner where Pinch's Deli is.

The underground is fun.  Be prepared for some potty humor though.  Lots of it.  :) 
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.