General Etiquette > Life...in general

Visiting an ex etiquette?

(1/2) > >>

Aimizon:
Hi everyone!
 I was wondering if anyone could help me out with this issue--I'm not entirely sure what to do. An old friend of mine (we dated but nothing really serious) who I haven't seen in a year or so due to our living 1500 miles apart asked me to come down to visit him over my college's holiday break.
 He offered to pay for the ticket in addition to letting me stay at his apartment and showing me all around the city which I refused, (the tickets). I'd rather pay for my own because I feel like I would "owe" him something if anything like that situation came up (to be delicate about it). But what do I do with him offering to let me stay at his place/provide meals for 3 days? I want to be able to do something to repay him but I'm not sure if I should say something like "since you're offering me a place to stay I'd like to take you out for dinner/drinks one night while I'm here?" or offer to pay for gas or what.
 Sorry if this doesn't make much sense--I'm really confused about the whole thing.

EvilAlice:
I don't understand.  If you're worried about feeling like "owing him something" why is nixing the tickets ok, but you're NOT nixing staying in his home the whole time?

If it was nothing really serious and you're sure you're just friends, this shouldn't be an issue.  But it doesn't sound like you're sure, so you may be setting yourself up for an uncomfortable time.

Can you accept the tickets but say you don't want to abuse his hospitality, get a hotel room, and still spend time with him?

Either way, of course it would be nice to treat him to at least one meal.

Aimizon:
 That's kind of the problem--I feel like he may want to be "more then just friends" but I don't know if I'm just being paranoid...I'm starting to think I might be.
 I will definately take him out to a few meals and such, I wasn't sure that offering cash was the way to go or if I should just do cash or a gas card or something.
 Also, the reason I'm staying there is because hotel rooms in his city are around $100+ a night and he has a spare room at his place. I could afford the tickets or a hotel room but not really both given my rather small income. My friends and I usually have the same offer of "you pay for the tickets and you can just stay at my place no problem" in place for visiting (many of us are at all corners of the US).

blarg314:


I'd listen to you gut instinct - it's there for a reason.

If you feel uncomfortable about the trip, then don't do it, or accept the tickets and use the money to stay at a hotel.  It'll be a lot worse if you go down, discover that this is his big move to woo you and then have no place else to go to get away from an awkward situation.  Or, if you have another friend in the area make backup plans to have a place to crash.

Bethalize:

--- Quote from: Aimizon on December 12, 2006, 08:50:24 PM ---...asked me to come down to visit him over my college's holiday break.
 He offered to pay for the ticket in addition to letting me stay at his apartment and showing me all around the city...

--- End quote ---
An ex asks you to visit, wants you to come so badly that he'll pay for your ticket, plus you're staying in his flat? Ockam's Razor I think there, especially if you're not sure about it.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page