Relatives: Chopsticks Are Rude???????????

[TylerBelle]

This can get aggravating. You're out with folks who like to have something to complain about. And if that's not enough, it seems like the majority of the constant complainers really like to point out what they believe as someone's flaw, or difference, and do so loud and clear for all to notice when out in public.

With eating with chopsticks, I've been out dining with folks who've used them when myself and others there have not and I didn't think it as rude at all. Like mentioned, I'm impressed with those who've mastered the skill. I'm quite the novice at using chopsticks, needing lots of practice, and I find it fun doing so at home, though. I don't yet have the courage to try them out someplace. Heather just needs to be shown how and encouraged to practice, if she would be willing.

Those are cute graphics, Asharah.

[Bibliophile]

Your choice of eating utencil is not rude.  Maybe if you were digging out rice from the shared bowl with your fingers, that'd be rude, but Heather is off her rocker in thinking that everyone has to use the same utencils. 

[TychaBrahe]

hI live in a small-medium sized town and we have 3 Hibachi restaurants and about 6 Chinese restaurants plus a Thai/Vietnamese restaurant, so I know larger towns must have even more. Given the wide availability of cuisine designed to be eaten with chopsticks, jow does someone become an adult without learning how to use chopsticks?

At my favorite Chinese restaurant in California, one of the waiters, who was native born Taiwanese, did not know how to use chopsticks, and was always amazed that our White family could.

[DottyG]

Given the wide availability of cuisine designed to be eaten with chopsticks, jow does someone become an adult without learning how to use chopsticks?

This statement really bothers me.

I can use chopsticks (it's not beautiful - and I'm sure Asian people know I'm not doing it 100% correctly), but I have a family member who has tried multiple times to use them and just cannot get the hang of it.

It's not something that's inate.  Nor is it really easy for everyone - some people truly cannot get the motions of how to use them down.  Even if they practice.

The comment above is not nice.   It makes an assumption about people and belittles those who are not efficient at doing what, apparently, comes easy to this poster.  I'm sure there are many things my family member can do that you think are difficult.  But, I'd think that she's nice enough not to make fun of you for not knowing how to do something "so simple."

(I'm not ragging on you, but you do need to realize how your post comes across. )

[look in the tunk]

I thought I knew how to eat with chopsticks - until the nice waiter in the Chinese restaurant quietly approached my table and laid something down on it. "Spoon," he said, and discreetly vanished.

I can use chopsticks, in the sense that I am able to eat things with them without throwing them all over the floor, but a Chinese waiter might well watch me and think I was a cack-handed moron. I've never yet been offered a spoon or fork, but I fully expect to be at some point.

That's me - I can get the food in my mouth just fine, but I know I am not doing it correctly. We have plenty of Japanese restaurants here, but they've always also had forks available, so I never really had to learn to use them.

[MDefarge]

Given the wide availability of cuisine designed to be eaten with chopsticks, jow does someone become an adult without learning how to use chopsticks?

This statement really bothers me.

I can use chopsticks (it's not beautiful - and I'm sure Asian people know I'm not doing it 100% correctly), but I have a family member who has tried multiple times to use them and just cannot get the hang of it.

It's not something that's inate.  Nor is it really easy for everyone - some people truly cannot get the motions of how to use them down.  Even if they practice.

The comment above is not nice.   It makes an assumption about people and belittles those who are not efficient at doing what, apparently, comes easy to this poster.  I'm sure there are many things my family member can do that you think are difficult.  But, I'd think that she's nice enough not to make fun of you for not knowing how to do something "so simple."

(I'm not ragging on you, but you do need to realize how your post comes across. )

Thank you Dotty - I have tried many, many times to master using chopsticks and I just can't do it.  I don't like to think that makes me less of a person, or "sheltered" or "a loon" - just someone who can't use chopsticks. 

[42_42_42]

Given the wide availability of cuisine designed to be eaten with chopsticks, jow does someone become an adult without learning how to use chopsticks?

This statement really bothers me.

I can use chopsticks (it's not beautiful - and I'm sure Asian people know I'm not doing it 100% correctly), but I have a family member who has tried multiple times to use them and just cannot get the hang of it.

It's not something that's inate.  Nor is it really easy for everyone - some people truly cannot get the motions of how to use them down.  Even if they practice.

The comment above is not nice.   It makes an assumption about people and belittles those who are not efficient at doing what, apparently, comes easy to this poster.  I'm sure there are many things my family member can do that you think are difficult.  But, I'd think that she's nice enough not to make fun of you for not knowing how to do something "so simple."

(I'm not ragging on you, but you do need to realize how your post comes across. )

Thank you Dotty - I have tried many, many times to master using chopsticks and I just can't do it.  I don't like to think that makes me less of a person, or "sheltered" or "a loon" - just someone who can't use chopsticks. 

Um, I already apologized once and I do regret hurting any feelings. I would reword my original post, but it has been quoted so many times, that it would be moot to do so. I think Alida conveyed what I was trying to in much more diplomatic terms. Additionally, the sheltered and loon referred to her attitude about everyone needing to use the same utensil. I'm sorry if that was not clear.

[emeraldsage85]

I have no idea how to use chopsticks but I wouldn't think anyone else at the table was rude for using them. I think Heather was just looking for a reason to be offended.

[wordgirl]

I was just going to start a thread about this!

I was at a Thai restaurant and was reminded that not all Asian cuisines use chopsticks - the owner at the Thai place we all love will politely supply them on demand, but Thai people traditionally use Western-style utensils, and I've always wondered if it were rude to ask for chopsticks at those types of restaurants.

I have to say I love using them. My dad tried to teach me - the wrong way - but my best friend was far more successful in tutoring me, and she gave me a good grounding in the etiquette of chopsticks (don't lay them down crossed, don't leave them sticking up in your rice, don't gesture with them, etc.)

To me, Japanese and Chinese food just don't taste right if you don't eat them with chopsticks. Heather in the OP was completely off-base.

[kansha]

another nono when using chopsticks/hashi: do not pass food from one set to another.  place the food on the other person's plate, instead.

[wordgirl]

another nono when using chopsticks/hashi: do not pass food from one set to another.  place the food on the other person's plate, instead.

Yep. Also, don't rub them against each other (implies they are cheap and inferior) don't play with them (just as you wouldn't play with utensils) and don't spear food with them. Most of the rules are common-sense, except the ones with religious backgrounds.

I know how to make a couple different types of chopstick rest from the paper they come in. it's one of my few skills, lol.

[magicdomino]

I thought I knew how to eat with chopsticks - until the nice waiter in the Chinese restaurant quietly approached my table and laid something down on it. "Spoon," he said, and discreetly vanished.

I can use chopsticks, in the sense that I am able to eat things with them without throwing them all over the floor, but a Chinese waiter might well watch me and think I was a cack-handed moron. I've never yet been offered a spoon or fork, but I fully expect to be at some point.

I learned how to use chopsticks for a vacation in China, and managed to never have to ask for a fork.  But my technique is, shall we say, rather less than graceful.      I seldom bother now.

[loomadoom]

Incredibly rude and definitely a loon!

My mother is still somewhat amazed that at least four of her brood of five can use chopsticks (our globetrotting uncle taught the three oldest when we were children). She can't use them to this day. I guess we're all being rude to her when we eat takeout teriyaki!

I carry a pair with me in case I'm confronted with a mass of lettuce. Green salads are much easier for me to eat with chopsticks rather than a fork for some odd reason. The ones that break down sound really cool, and a bit more adult than the orange polka dot bento set I'm taking on vacation!

My youngest sister taught English to Chinese high schoolers for a year. One of the concerns she heard from people she met was the increasing number of Chinese children who aren't learning to use chopsticks. Their grandmothers complain that they are forgetting their heritage.

I still can't believe Heather said this was rude.  Couldn't find anything better to complain about?

[TopsyTurvy]

I believe that during a VERY formal dinner (you know the kind with several different forks, spoons, etc.) that it is proper ettiquette to eat with the same utensil only because every course has a designated utensil.  I have even heard of using your salad fork for your salad versus your dinner fork for your salad at a more casual type restaurant.  However, I have NEVER heard of a rule for eating with the same utensils during an informal dinner, and whenever we go out to a Japanese steakhouse, there are always mixed utensils.

[snowflake]

My Dad has been married to my mom for nearly 50 years.  My mom comes from a mix of Asian cultures but is more Chinese than anything else.  He STILL cannot use chopsticks.  He doesn't think it rude for the rest of us to use them though.  He only thinks it rude when we forget to set him a fork.

My husband can use chopsticks, but he likes to use a fork to finish because he isn't skilled enough to pick up little things with them.