Pygmalion Present Offshoot - Now I Can Laugh

[Sharnita]

This year we decided our staff was going to have our holiday party right after school on the 8th and staff who wanted to could participate in a Secret Santa exchange. I decied to take part in the exchange. Every morning last week I went to my mailbox in the morning, only to find my SecSan had left a couple pieces of what was obviously leftover Halloweeen candy. I was a little dispappointed but I still had the party and my "big gift"to look forward to.

Since the party was held at school it was potluck and there was no option of enjoying a drink with co-workers. As a result, a lot of teachers did'nt attend or left early. Our math teacher approached me and handed me a gift bag. He explained he was my SecSan and he wasn't staying. Now, I like to savor my gifts and hold out as long as possible, which drives family and friends crazy. I sat with the unopened gift bag for over an hour before I finally reached in and pulled out my present. In my hands was a boxed make-up "kit". The sticker on the box proclaimed it was a "$20 Value". Some of the color choices for lipstick and eye makeup were such that I could go into another, possibly more lucrative, line of work as a street walker.

AS far as I can tell he either:
1) regifted.

2) went shopping the night before looking for something "girly".

[graceh9]

the whole 'secret santa' thing is such a sorority girl sort of thing to do that I can't imagine doing it at an office -- how many guys are going to be thrilled to prepare little daily gifts?  a couple of pieces of candy is probably more than most men would want to do -- and many women -- and a make up kit seems like a reasonably generic and girly gift to a guy who has no interest in this sort of twinky activity -- and of course people who don't actually use make up are likely to see one of these garish disasters as 'just make up' and 'something women like' without actually noticing what the stuff really looks like -- what does a guy get a woman at the office that he doesn't really know for such a thing?  (unless soap of course)  I am not sure I would know what to get some guy I didn't know well

[Balletmom]

I'm sorry you had a disappointing experience. That is one of the things I hate about the Secret Santa thing, you get great gifts from the Martha Stewart Wanna Be, or you get the left over Laffy Taffy from Coach Manly. (Or the math teacher...especially if he's not married.)

I do agree the Secret Santa thing is more for girls, and teen groups.

Maybe you could suggest a variation of the "Boo" thing. You get "Elfed" instead. There is a stocking picture with a poem that you copy twice (once to put name on, one for the next giftee) and you leave a small present under ten dollars.

One person starts it and it continues throughout the school or building, whatever. Most of the items we did last year were holiday decorating items--I got a pottery oversized mug and bowl filled with candy. It was so cute, I'm doing a variation of it for the Impossible to Please In-Laws. It was also inexpensive and inspiring--

You can also Elf people in your office who really need a pick-up or a "Hey, someone's thinking of you" message.

Which is really a lot more fun than sitting around in a potluck without any adult beverages (!) and opening somebody's desperate attempt to join in the office spirit.

[Bob Ducca]

Sharnita, I feel for you.  That makeup kit has been my standard gift from my MIL for years.  I usually donate them to the local community theater or school drama department- they might be able to use something out of it.

I generally don't do secret Santas because of what you have described.  Sometimes people join because they think they "have" to, or because the thought of one more present is exciting, but they put little thought into reciprocity.  Hopefully next time will be better!

[Lunadiana75]

Donate to a woman's shelter, they always need makeup for the women there.

[freakyfemme]

the whole 'secret santa' thing is such a sorority girl sort of thing to do that I can't imagine doing it at an office -- how many guys are going to be thrilled to prepare little daily gifts?  a couple of pieces of candy is probably more than most men would want to do -- and many women -- and a make up kit seems like a reasonably generic and girly gift to a guy who has no interest in this sort of twinky activity -- and of course people who don't actually use make up are likely to see one of these garish disasters as 'just make up' and 'something women like' without actually noticing what the stuff really looks like -- what does a guy get a woman at the office that he doesn't really know for such a thing?  (unless soap of course)  I am not sure I would know what to get some guy I didn't know well

Hey, I'm not in a sorority, but I don't think Secret Santa is a "twinky activity."  I've done it with band and student council in high school, and as a rez-wide thing in my first year of university, and a few other places too, and it's kind of a fun challenge picking out something small but nice for someone you may or may not know, and seeing what your person got for you, and watching other people open funny gifts.  I've noticed that a lot of your posts have been rather harsh and dismissive of other people's opinions and feelings, and, well......that's not cool, especially on an etiquette board.

[platys]

I didn't think graceh9 was unduly harsh.  I can't imagine most men would enjoy a secret santa setup - it is a pretty girly girl thing to do.  And, I think for it to be really successful, you've got to have a group of people who are into it.  It's unlikely Coach Manly man is going to be, which is a risk when you pick an office environment.

Personally, I've never done a secret santa thing at all in a real workplace.  But, I work in a tech field with mostly men - they are happy when I bring in a bag of homemade cookies.

[supernova]

In my hands was a boxed make-up "kit". The sticker on the box proclaimed it was a "$20 Value".

This would lead me to believe that it was something he got for free with a purchase (of perfume or something, probably).

I'd definitely just laugh it off, and donate it.  Some of the suggestions were really good.  Goodwill or Salvation Army would work as well, if the makeup is sealed and clearly unused.

Poor guy probably hadn't a clue.  At least he tried. 

     - saphie

[IndianInlaw]

regifted?

Who gave it to HIM?

Maybe his mother works at Wal-Mart and stockpiles things she bought on clearance.  My mom did just that.  Her basement was a great source of last minute gifts.

[Moogle]

Right now, we're also having the Secret Santa thing in our office.  An office where 60$-70% of the people are males.  Some of the previous posters do have a point that males generally don't participate in things like this.  One of our female officemates hasn't received a single themed item from whoever got her name.

For the actual gifts, a wishlist has been shared around the office.  So maybe that will help the males select their gifts.   

[Reika]

For the actual gifts, a wishlist has been shared around the office.  So maybe that will help the males select their gifts.   

Anytime an office I was in did the secret santa thing the folks running it usually had people write down 2-3 things they like to give their Santa an idea of what to get. Which reminds me of what a joker did in my mother's office at one time. He listed 3 high dollar items (like a Ferrari, a million bucks, that type of thing) so his santa got him a matchbox ferrari, 100 Grand candybar and something else that was a pun on what the guy wanted.

[dragonflygal]

We're doing the secret santa thing in our office too, and the guys are just as in to it as the girls - but there are only 6 of us, so we all know each other pretty well. I'm just glad this year we're doing the 3 gifts spread over December thing, so that we don't just get one joke present - last year I got a beer mug, one girl got some sweat bands (again, a joke about the home gym she bought) and we got the guys really nice stuff, like cufflinks!  This year they were a big more clued in to what we might like! 
 
 

[POF]

As a manager - I absolutely do not allow the secret santa gift thing at work.... Why I am such a scrooge - well we are here to work. Also - there are people in my group who do not have the time, resources, or emotional energy to participate. For example the woman whose Mother is in end stage cancer does not want to waste any time this year shopping for secret santa gifts. For a few lower paid employees - 3 $10 gifts equal something they may not get to spend on a family member.  The older devout Muslim man who works in our group who would be horrified to purchase something for a women.

Most people are reluctant not to participate especially if they think it is part of the office atmosphere. And you always have the one or two busy bodies who constantly query others - You're not playing - come on it's fun..... As a manager, it's my role to make the office comfortable for everyone. At staff meeting I politely tell the group that organized gift exchanges ( i.e. secret santa )  should not be done at work during work hours. I also tell them not to purchase anything for me. ( I know that's rude and presumptive - but the busybodies will force everyone to donate ) 

That being said - of course other people can do what they want, this is what works for me.

But the makeup kit is pretty hysterical.  I would have been tempted to start giving makeovers right at the party