Guests: The BBQ Guests who brought their own wine and wine glasses

[Fluffybunny1027]

I guess I can't make any kind of generalization without knowing if BYOB is common in the guests/hosts circle. I know that it our circle all bbqs would be byob, even if they were a 1 year old's birthday, because usually the 1st birthday party is mostly fun  for the parents. We had one acquaintance that routinely did not bring anything to drink to our ("our" being our general social group)  parties and would just mooch off everyone else, that person is no longer invited. Maybe the guests just thought they were doing the proper thing? Though if they realized when they got there that it was not byob, they could have gifted the bottle to the hosts.

[littleblue]

But was anyone else even drinking alcohol?  It was the birthday party for a one year old.  While there are probably some parties where the adults drink, I don't think a child's birthday party can be assumed to be BYOB. 

Sorry, I wanted to add this too.  When I was growing up, small children's birthday parties were a legitimate excuse for grown ups to indulge in sausage rolls and fairy bread.  This may be a regional thing, but I have never heard of alcohol, particularly BYOB, being served at a children's birthday party.  

[kingsrings]

First of all, I think it's very rude of anyone to bring their own personal food or drink to get-together - but only bring enough for themselves, unless it's for medical or dietary reasons. It's inconsiderate, because maybe others want to eat it now that they see it, but they can't. You're basically waving it in other's faces, which is childish. I've been in the unpleasant position before at parties of reaching for a food or drink item, only to be rudely told that I couldn't have that, it belonged to such and such who had brought it, leaving me embarrassed and bent out of shape.

It's also rude for anyone to bring their own utensils to a party because then you're basically telling the host that they aren't giving you what you want and haven't met their hospitality needs. If you really can't drink wine out of a plastic cup, then you're going to have to make the decision to not drink wine that night or not go to the party.

It could very well be in their circle, that BYOB is common and they thought they were doing nothing wrong.  I don't presume booze will be provided as parties we go to tend to be BYOB.  A dinner party is completely different than a BBQ.

I think it would be an interesting assumption to help oneself to someone else's booze at a BBQ if it wasn't clear it was BYOB.

The wine people did nothing wrong in my opinion.  They may not have realized how the host hosts.

It might be a regional thing.  I've never been to a bbq where people brought alcohol only for themselves.  It's always been combined, usually on a table, and people take what they want. 

I actually can't remember the last time I went to a bbq where it wasn't a combination of hosted and BYOB.  Usually the host provides hard liquor and a lot beer and the guests bring a six pack of their favorite beer and everyone shares. 

Same here, except for the one time when I was rudely told off for reaching for wine coolers that were only for the person who brought them. Every other party I have ever gone to, everyone brought enough drink to be shared by everyone else, and I am so happy that those are the type of people I hang out with.

[sparksals]

But was anyone else even drinking alcohol?  It was the birthday party for a one year old.  While there are probably some parties where the adults drink, I don't think a child's birthday party can be assumed to be BYOB. 

By the same token, depending on the circle of friends, one shouldn't assume that they will provide beer/wine, etc.  If it is common for the adults to imbibe in a few drinks at a child's bday celebration, then they should go with what is common practice for the circle. 

[sparksals]

But was anyone else even drinking alcohol?  It was the birthday party for a one year old.  While there are probably some parties where the adults drink, I don't think a child's birthday party can be assumed to be BYOB. 

Sorry, I wanted to add this too.  When I was growing up, small children's birthday parties were a legitimate excuse for grown ups to indulge in sausage rolls and fairy bread.  This may be a regional thing, but I have never heard of alcohol, particularly BYOB, being served at a children's birthday party.  

Whether it was a bday party or family BBQ, my parents and their friends always had beer/wine available.  In their generation, it would be unheardof for them to BYOB and it was just common for them to have a few drinks throughout the party while the kids played.

[sparksals]

Same here, except for the one time when I was rudely told off for reaching for wine coolers that were only for the person who brought them. Every other party I have ever gone to, everyone brought enough drink to be shared by everyone else, and I am so happy that those are the type of people I hang out with.

This could be the way it is in your circle and the person with the coolers may not have known sharing is the way it is done with your friends. 

By the same token, I would think it extremely rude if someone grabbed one of my <insert drink here> because everyone I know brings their own booze for their own consumption. 

If you did that at a party with my friends, I would think you were the rude one.  Just goes to show how different social circles and regions are.

I think your type of arrangement leaves room for abuse in that someone can bring bud light and another brings Mike's Hard Cranberry, which is more expensive than beer.  I would feel put out if I brought a more expensive beverage only for everyone to consume it, I didn't get any and then I was left with a beverage I don't like. 

[kingsrings]

It never crosses my mind to compare prices and value on what is brought, and make sure that everything is 'even', I'm too busy fellowshipping with my friends and having fun. Should we start doing that with food we bring, too?? Geez, I brought expensive brie cheese and Sally only brought potato chips. I just don't see how anyone is supposed to enjoy themselves doing that kind of stuff. As far as you not getting any of the expensive drink you brought, if you grabbed one right away, you wouldn't have that problem I think.

[Veronica]

Also, if it is beer, unless you drink it all yourself while you're there aren't you just leaving the leftovers for the host anyway?  I don't take the leftover beer home with me. 

[sparksals]

It never crosses my mind to compare prices and value on what is brought, and make sure that everything is 'even', I'm too busy fellowshipping with my friends and having fun. Should we start doing that with food we bring, too?? Geez, I brought expensive brie cheese and Sally only brought potato chips. I just don't see how anyone is supposed to enjoy themselves doing that kind of stuff. As far as you not getting any of the expensive drink you brought, if you grabbed one right away, you wouldn't have that problem I think.

But maybe I brought Mike's because that's what I want to drink for the night.  Say, I don't like beer.  Everyone else has brought X brand of beer and then they see my Mike's.  One person decides they'd like a change of taste and decide to dip into the Mike's, then the next person does and so on.  Before we know it, all the Mike's is gone and I've only had one and I planned to drink all 6.  That's my prerogative.

We were in FL a couple years ago for a family wedding combined with a family reunion.  MIL rented a fab house right on the beach and it slept about 15.  It was the homebase for everyone, including the people who stayed in other accommodations. 

DH and I bought a bottle of vodka (a 26'er) and a big bottle of strawberry daiquiri mix.  While we didn't buy it for us entirely, we didn't anticipate that SIL would make virgin daiquiries for the 20 some odd kids.  Dh and I didn't get one and it cost us about $40.  SIL was the 'bartender' and made some fab drinks for everyone and when it came to our turn, all the mix and vodka was gone.   We bought the mix and vodka together for the adults and SIL took it upon herself to include the children in what we considered to be an adult activity.  I wouldn't presume to make drinks for everyone with someone else's mix and booze.

I'm not saying your way is wrong.  It's just not done in my social groups.  BYOB means 'bring your own booze'. That doesn't mean it's a free for all, especially when the person bringing it doesn't get any.

[sparksals]

Also, if it is beer, unless you drink it all yourself while you're there aren't you just leaving the leftovers for the host anyway?  I don't take the leftover beer home with me. 

We bring enough for what we think we will consume in the evening.  If there's leftovers, we take it with us.  But that's how it's done in our social groups. 

Now, at my parent's house or that of their friends, they provide the booze.  We take a hostess gift of a bottle of wine.   If I were to have my parents or their friends over, I would provide all booze as they would be aghast to BYO.  They're a different generation.   I tailor it to the social group. 

I'm hosting Canadian Thanksgiving next Sunday.  We will provide all booze.  It's a dinner party/special occasion meal.  A couple people we socialize with in our group, which is normally BYOB, I have already asked them what they drink and to just bring themselves. 

[goblue2539]

The wine is obviously debatable, but I'm still stuck on the glasses.  Who does that?  I mean, I think I saw someone trying to say that a germophobe may do so, and I guess I can see the point.  But, as a rule, people don't bring their own cutlery/plates/glasses to a picnic.  I have a hard time believing that it was appropriate or an innocent misunderstanding (as I would believe if I invited some eHellions over now;)) when they brought their own glasses too.  THAT just screams "Your stuff isn't good enough" to me. 

And my own experience is that the 1 yr old is in bed asleep and it's later at night when the adults start drinking.  But, that's just how it goes around here.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

but she turned up with a bottle of wine.... and two wine glasses.

I fuessing that since the OP complained not only about the glasses but also about the bottle of wine that this is not something that is normally done in her circle so i would think that it should be considered rude

Shay

[Gyro Widget]

This is snobbish, pretentious, selfish, and stupid.  Crystal wine glasses are out of place at a BBQ.  This couple made themselves look like idiots.

I agree.  Unless the hostess said BYOB (which she obviously didn't) it is rude to assume it is an affair where drinking is acceptable.  IMHO, what those guests did was no different than a single guest bringing a flask of whiskey and taking swigs of it while nobody else was drinking.  Such an act just screams of alcoholism to me.

For one thing, its a kid's birthday party... there are many hostesses who will not have alcoholic beverages simply out of respect for the rest of the parents who may or may not want their child subjected to it.   

[sparksals]

This is snobbish, pretentious, selfish, and stupid.  Crystal wine glasses are out of place at a BBQ.  This couple made themselves look like idiots.

I agree.  Unless the hostess said BYOB (which she obviously didn't) it is rude to assume it is an affair where drinking is acceptable.  IMHO, what those guests did was no different than a single guest bringing a flask of whiskey and taking swigs of it while nobody else was drinking.  Such an act just screams of alcoholism to me.

For one thing, its a kid's birthday party... there are many hostesses who will not have alcoholic beverages simply out of respect for the rest of the parents who may or may not want their child subjected to it.    

I think that's treading into dangerous territory.  I don't consider it disrespectful for a hostess to serve alcohol when children are present.  I always have alcohol available for guests if they want to have a drink, children present or not.  That does not equal disrespect. 

[Fluffybunny1027]

To be fair, the op never said they were crystal, just that they were "fancy" I have friends that consider my $2 wine glasses from ikea fancy, just cause  they are stemware, so who knows how fancy they really were.

I have an aunt that travels with a set of inexpensive wine glasses in her trunk, she never drinks wine without glass stemware. She brings wine and stemware to byob parties all the time. Doesn't seem weird to me, as long as the party is in fact byob, which seems to be the issue in the op.