Guests: The BBQ Guests who brought their own wine and wine glasses

[Venus193]

Whether they were Waterford or Ikea, the norm for BBQ's is plastic or paper.  A snub is a snub.

A case with a pair of wine glasses or champagne flutes for a private (romantic) picnic is one thing.  This screams of snobbery and/or a bid for attention.

[LifeOnPluto]

Whether they were Waterford or Ikea, the norm for BBQ's is plastic or paper.  A snub is a snub.

A case with a pair of wine glasses or champagne flutes for a private (romantic) picnic is one thing.  This screams of snobbery and/or a bid for attention.

Not necessarily. I've hosted BBQs before, and provided proper glasses, not plastic or paper cups.

The story also states it was for the writer's daughter's "birthday BBQ". So yes, the party was to celebrate the child's first birthday. But it was also a BBQ. Again, this might be an Australian thing, but to me, BBQ's do feature alcohol. It doesn't matter what the specific celebration is; if it's a BBQ, it's highly likely that alcohol will be involved, somehow. So I don't think it's at all inappropriate that the two guests bought wine to this party.

[goblue2539]

The story also states it was for the writer's daughter's "birthday BBQ". So yes, the party was to celebrate the child's first birthday. But it was also a BBQ. Again, this might be an Australian thing, but to me, BBQ's do feature alcohol. It doesn't matter what the specific celebration is; if it's a BBQ, it's highly likely that alcohol will be involved, somehow. So I don't think it's at all inappropriate that the two guests bought wine to this party.

The fact that the writer even thought to submit it in the first place combined with the fact that many of the US members have stated that it is NOT a guarantee around here ought to be enough to at least consider that they were out of line to assume that it was BYOB. 

[sparksals]

The story also states it was for the writer's daughter's "birthday BBQ". So yes, the party was to celebrate the child's first birthday. But it was also a BBQ. Again, this might be an Australian thing, but to me, BBQ's do feature alcohol. It doesn't matter what the specific celebration is; if it's a BBQ, it's highly likely that alcohol will be involved, somehow. So I don't think it's at all inappropriate that the two guests bought wine to this party.

The fact that the writer even thought to submit it in the first place combined with the fact that many of the US members have stated that it is NOT a guarantee around here ought to be enough to at least consider that they were out of line to assume that it was BYOB. 

I'm in the US and grew up in Canada.  Everyone in my circle does the BYOB thing for a BBQ.  It would be extremely odd not to do so.  YOu're right, it's not a guarantee, but it's also not a guarantee that I can't go the opposite direction.   

[Mookster]

In my circles, I wouldn't find it odd for friends to bring a bottle of wine and glasses to a BBQ.  Nothing says that others weren't also drinking at the party, so it doesn't seem like the fact that they were drinking at a child's party was the issue.  It sounds like the hostess's issue is that they should've offered to share the wine and not brought the glasses.  It would've been nice for them to offer, I suppose.

[caranfin]

It never crosses my mind to compare prices and value on what is brought, and make sure that everything is 'even', I'm too busy fellowshipping with my friends and having fun. Should we start doing that with food we bring, too?? Geez, I brought expensive brie cheese and Sally only brought potato chips. I just don't see how anyone is supposed to enjoy themselves doing that kind of stuff. As far as you not getting any of the expensive drink you brought, if you grabbed one right away, you wouldn't have that problem I think.

Yeah, that's what the chip bringers always think. 

[Luna_Moon]

I'm not really sure what to say about this. There are so many regions with so many traditions that I don't think it is possible to make a hard decision on whether or not the wine-bringer "was being rude."

That said... I've had many parties and I can't tell you what anyone was drinking when we were all having a good time. I think there are social and relationship issues in this story that FAR supercede the role of a bottle of wine!

[kingsrings]

Putting regions and cultures aside, on this forum we go by what etiquette dictates, mostly citing experts such as Miss Manners, Miss Jeanne, etc.

[Veronica]

Putting regions and cultures aside, on this forum we go by what etiquette dictates, mostly citing experts such as Miss Manners, Miss Jeanne, etc.

What are their takes on situations like this?

[twinkletoes]

There's something about the situation that sounds kind of 'off,' and I'm not sure what it is.  I have to think this might be a situation where we don't have the whole backstory, and while the incident itself is kind of minor, it bothered the writer enough to a) write about it, and then b) send it to an etiquette-focused website.

[kingsrings]

Putting regions and cultures aside, on this forum we go by what etiquette dictates, mostly citing experts such as Miss Manners, Miss Jeanne, etc.

What are their takes on situations like this?

I wish had the time and knowledge where to go to get MM's take on this. I can't imagine her approving of it, though.

[Jenzilla]

Well clearly the hostess didn't think it was BYOB or that bringing wine to not share was okay, so I'm inclined to think they were out of line.

[Twik]

Also, seeing as the letter-writer isn't complaining about half the party coming with private bottles and glasses, it would appear that this was NOT something that their "set" felt was appropriate.

I must admit that I have never, ever been at a party or BBQ of any sort where people brought their own glassware.

[Blurgle]

But, as a rule, people don't bring their own cutlery/plates/glasses to a picnic. 

Unless, of course, they keep strict kosher, in which case they can't touch food or alcohol that's been in a glass that may have (even ten years ago) contained something non-kosher, like Clamato juice or cream of chicken soup. They also wouldn't eat any of the barbecue, though, and I can't see anyone with any sense bringing wine to a baby's birthday party, whether they keep kosher or not.

But why is nobody noticing that the two of them polished off a bottle of wine, then drove away? I think driving with a couple of glasses (or more) of wine under your belt is a bit worse than having bad manners.

[Twik]

But why is nobody noticing that the two of them polished off a bottle of wine, then drove away? I think driving with a couple of glasses (or more) of wine under your belt is a bit worse than having bad manners.

Maybe it was a very small bottle? Twik says hopefully....