Faux Pas of the Year: Bride Lays on the Guilt

[kingsrings]

I am sorry to say that I do know people who support the cover-your-plate mentality. I think it's the "everybody else is doing it, so therefore it must be right" mentality of excusing these things. So many people have told them that it is okay, so therefore they think it's okay. Fortunately, all of them are married and I didn't know them when they were married, so I never had to worry about it affecting me personally.

A certain segment of our society just can't bear the thought of doing nice things for people without any kind of payback.

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

What is this "not from the heart" feces? Am I reading that the cost of the gift shows how sincere the giver was? Or what are we saying here?
Someone pass me my b*tchfork.....

I agree, they are complaining that the gift was not CASH in one sentence and in the next stating that is did not come from the heart.  Can't have it both ways buster.

Sorry, this "cover your plate" nonsense is really one of my hot points for reasons I will not go into right now as the thought is giving me an upset stomach.

[DottyG]

for reasons I will not go into right now as the thought is giving me an upset stomach.

Oh, but when your tummy settles, I want to hear the reasons (if I can).  I suspect they're good ones that are going to be interesting (and entertaining) to read.  Pretty please?!

[Cupcake Fiend]

You know, I read this and thought it was a fake.  It's just so over-the-top rude, and the letter goes on for *ages*.  I think a truly selfish person wouldn't have wanted to waste so much time on a single email, and probably would have just basically written "You're cheap - where the hell is the rest of our gift?"

Of course, it doesn't excuse the rudeness!  Unbelievable.  I'm with the others - if they were spending so much per person, why were they handing out invitations like they were candy?

It wouldn't surprise me at all if this was real.  Someone once wrote me what amounted to a three-page email about a comment I had made weeks earlier that offended her.  People who want to look for offense will find it, and one of the lines she used in the email she sent me was almost identical to the one in the post about not being the type to just let it go.

[snowball's chance]

I am sorry to say that I do know people who support the cover-your-plate mentality.

But how is a guest supposed to know how 'the plate' is?  I would think it rude to ask!

[dings]

Getting to the point- the value of the gift did not cover 2 plates, let alone 1. We seriously have our doubts about whether or not a gift was even purchased which was from the heart...

So do they want gifts that cover the wedding costs or gifts "from the heart?"  Because I don't think my hand-lettered certificate for a back rub or a home-cooked dinner (a gift from the heart, right?) would cover the cost of their oh-so-expensive wedding dinner.   

A email like that, for me, would guarantee that the couple was never getting ANYTHING (presents or the pleasure of my company) ever again.  I hate it when people look gift horses in the mouth (sorry for the cliche).

[Bob Ducca]

You know, I read this and thought it was a fake.  It's just so over-the-top rude, and the letter goes on for *ages*.  I think a truly selfish person wouldn't have wanted to waste so much time on a single email, and probably would have just basically written "You're cheap - where the hell is the rest of our gift?"

Of course, it doesn't excuse the rudeness!  Unbelievable.  I'm with the others - if they were spending so much per person, why were they handing out invitations like they were candy?

It wouldn't surprise me at all if this was real.  Someone once wrote me what amounted to a three-page email about a comment I had made weeks earlier that offended her.  People who want to look for offense will find it, and one of the lines she used in the email she sent me was almost identical to the one in the post about not being the type to just let it go.

You know, the majority of totally psychotic hate e-mails and voice mail messages I have read or heard personally (and yes, there are a few, not directed at me, but that's another story...) are remarkably similar to the email quoted in the OP.  She probably wrote three or four drafts before she said exactly what she wanted to.  This wasn't a "heat of the moment" letter- it was a completely thought-out exercise in substandard prose.  It doesn't have so much to do with selfishness, per se, as self-involvement; with every line, the greedy bride was picturing the recipient's face falling as the crushing truths brought on wave after wave of well-deserved guilt.

That's just my take.

[kingsrings]

I think that the story and situation are genuine. There are some people out there with really twisted values.

[ccnumber4]

Sadly, I think it is probably totally real.  I had a roommate spell out in a four-page letter how upset she was that I lit a candle without asking her first. 

[Twik]

I am sorry to say that I do know people who support the cover-your-plate mentality.

But how is a guest supposed to know how 'the plate' is?  I would think it rude to ask!

Well, you'll just have to buy a present expensive enough to cover the most insanely expensive wedding, of course!

[kingsrings]

I am sorry to say that I do know people who support the cover-your-plate mentality.

But how is a guest supposed to know how 'the plate' is?  I would think it rude to ask!

I guess one is supposed to do their research on this and ask around, look on the internet, and as a last resort, flat out ask the couple. It might be rude to inquire about their wedding costs, but it would be even oh-so-ruder to not cover your plate! 

[NEDESAPIO]

You know, I read this and thought it was a fake.

Some stories I do think might have been made up -- the one about the "beach wedding" where the guests got heat stroke immediately comes to mind.  However, I believe the story under discussion here to be true:  I'm not sure why, but it just sounds like something that could really happen; it's not too over-the-top, and I think it unlikely a letter like the one the bride wrote the storyteller could have been invented.

[Yarnspinner]

You know, I read this and thought it was a fake.

Some stories I do think might have been made up -- the one about the "beach wedding" where the guests got heat stroke immediately comes to mind.  However, I believe the story under discussion here to be true:  I'm not sure why, but it just sounds like something that could really happen; it's not too over-the-top, and I think it unlikely a letter like the one the bride wrote the storyteller could have been invented.

Having been on the receiving end of several vicious, nasty substandard and totally uncalled for e-mails from my ungracious (then) SIL, this sounds totally true to me.  In fact, when I first read it, my thought was "Hmmm, I wonder which of the guests she wrote that one to" even though the details werre enough to let me know it wasn't my ex-SIL.  It just sounded frighteningly like her.

[retreadbride]

People who believe the "Cover Your Plate" rule have forgotten that the reception is FOR THE GUESTS in the first place.

All we wanted our guests to do at our wedding was show up, eat our food, drink our beer, and have a good time!

[Brentwood]

Sadly, I think it is probably totally real.  I had a roommate spell out in a four-page letter how upset she was that I lit a candle without asking her first. 

Did you at some point live with my college roommate?