Returned Christmas card

[Clara Bow]

Agnostic here, and Christmas card sender...they all keep Christmas and I respect their right to do so and I send holiday greetings. I also tell my Jewish friends Happy Hannukkah and all that jazz. My family does Christmas (glossing the Jesus part a bit) as a day for family and a day to reflect on family, peace, mercy, grace and love.
I'd never send back any card...for any reason...that was hateful....

[Clara Bow]

Well....atheist/agnostic....faith is a really hard subject for me....

[jane7166]

I learned a long time ago that being a professor doesn't impart knowledge in any other area than his or her chosen area of expertise.

Many years ago, when I was a graduate student in a scientific program I won't identify, I mentioned in conversation with my research prof that I was a juror on a rape trial when I was 20 years old. 

The professor got a little agitated and said, "Did she lead him on?" 

I was shocked.  I said, "No, this was a woman doing her laundry in a deserted laundromat and he came in and raped her in a back room."

My graduate program had very few women in it at the time.

Dear prof probably had gotten accused of sexual harassment at one time when he was between wives.  Who knew? 

Anyhow, having a PhD doesn't automatically confer social knowledge on anyone. 

[magicdomino]

Not a tactful way for the professor to handle the situation, but he probably didn't want you to "waste" money sending a card next year.

I'm an atheist who sends Christmas cards.  Okay, they are more like holiday cards, usually with a picture of animals on the front (this year was a snowman feeding wild birds) and a generic "Seasons Greetings" inside.  And I throw in the much despised holiday newsletter.      But it is a good way to keep in touch once a year with elderly aunts and a couple of nephews. 

Besides, the ones that I receive come in handy for next years package decorations.

[lilaenne]

I'm another non-religious, card-sending person, mostly because I love sending and receiving mail. To me, it sounds like the prof's heart was in the (nearly) right place, and his brain was just out to lunch. I think sending it back without the explanatory note with have been hideously rude, but that level of doofus-ness is really almost sweet.

[Lisbeth]

That was rude of the professor and his wife.

If they don't want to "do" cards, fine.  They don't have to send any.  But crossing his name out, writing yours in, and giving it back to you with a "We don't do cards" comment was out of line.

[Slartibartfast]

I'm a big fan of Christmas cards, mostly because there are so many friends I'm afraid to lose touch with (high school friends, or college friends, or whatever), and it's good to have a yearly log of current addresses and at least major events (such as if cards are now signed "Josh and Alyssa" instead of just Josh, I know there's an Alyssa in his life).  It's not like I'm expecting to need to write people, but it's good to have the chance.

Of course, I hear the relationship between good intentions and paving stones is quite high . . . and I never manage to get the cards sent out on time, or to everyone I had intended.  But I still like the concept!

[kingsrings]

Shouldn't have they just quietly accepted the card and just not reciprocate?

Yes.  That professor was rude.   If they don't "do" Christmas cards, fine, don't send any.  But to give back one that they receive from others is incredibly rude....not to mention strange and anti-social.  What does he do with cards he receives in the mail?  Write "return to sender" and throw them back in the mailbox? 

Agreed. The giver meant no harm by giving the card, so it is rude of the professor and his wife to object to it like that. It's the thought that counts. Yesterday I read an article about a Jewish man who was incensed and insulted that someone had given him a Pointsetta plant as a host gift. How could they do that as he is Jewish and a Pointsetta is a symbol of Christmas?? Please. Years ago, myself and some other carolers caroled at a Jewish household. The lady absolutely loved it, wanted us to sing more songs, and offered us cookies afterward. She had the right attitude of goodwill and generosity and didn't read anything into it.

[White Lotus]

Buddhist.  New Year's cards.  Mailed after Christmas.  We do not mind in the least if you send us cards expressing your holiday of choice wishes and reciprocate spoken holiday greetings.  Of course we hope you have a happy/merry whatever, even though we don't celebrate it.  We look a little askance at overtly religious cards, the kind you can't even read without making a petition to Deity of Their Choice (as Buddhists, we choose "None of the Above"), but basically, this is a system that works for us.  Copied it from a colleague of mine who does this because it won't offend anybody, and will be seen and left up after specific other holiday cards are put away or tossed.  We find it works very well.

[Queen of Clubs]

  This has got to be the oldest thread ever resurrected! 

[MommyPenguin]

lol, I didn't even notice it was old until you pointed it out.

I remember a children's book from when I was a kid, "There's No Such Thing as a Chanukah Bush, Sandy Goldstein," which had a Jewish girl who wanted to be able to have a Christmas tree like her classmates, and tried to convince her parents to let her have a Christmas tree under the guise of a "Chanukah Bush."  Anyway, she gets to go to a Christmas party at one point and asks her grandfather why that's okay but a tree isn't, and he explains the difference between helping other people celebrate their holiday, and being happy for them, and celebrating something for yourself.  He considered it okay to go to the Christmas party his union was having in order to celebrate *with* them and wish them well, but having a tree of your own was celebrating it for yourself, which they wouldn't do because they were Jewish.  I think the Christmas card falls under the same rule... he should have accepted it as part of their celebration and been happy they thought of him, without projecting his own "we don't do this" onto it.

[Piratelvr1121]

I admit, I'm not good at doing the whole Christmas card thing.  You know the "12 Pains Of Christmas" song?  "The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is writing all these Christmas cards!" Well I love decorating, love the trees (though I also empathize with the "stringing up all these lights" part, too) but writing them and sending them out isn't all that fun.

In middle school I had a crush on a guy and gave him a Christmas card, only to find out later he was Jewish. Oops!  Though to his credit, when I handed it to him, he said "Thanks!" rather than handing it back to me.

[Winterlight]

I think if the person has made it clear they don't want cards or whatever you should respect that in future. However, the professor was rude.

And I've seen resurrected threads in the past, but this one is REALLY old!

[rose red]

This has got to be the oldest thread ever resurrected! 

I wondered who the heck was sending Christmas card so early.

[Luci45]

This has got to be the oldest thread ever resurrected! 

Holy moly! OP doesn't need my help at this point!