Author Topic: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower  (Read 17345 times)

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VorFemme

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #45 on: April 05, 2010, 12:38:24 PM »
Perhaps a slightly different phrasing would be easier to agree on "I don't want to order anything like THAT in public."  or possibly a paraphrase of the old hair dye ad "Only her hairdresser knows for sure".  I'm just not sure how to phrase it so it can be said in public............

Perhaps, "only my partner will ever have that kind of information *on what I'd find interesting at that kind of party*" with an expression on their face indicative of their desire for privacy.  If I could just figure out what tone of voice and expression on your face indicates a preference for privacy in some avenues of your life............blushing when the subject was mentioned worked less than a hundred years ago.  Today you get told that it's natural, everybody does it, and you can let it all hang out.

I grew up during the Sexual Revolution (graduated high school in 1975) - I've heard that before and I still think that there is a lot more "romance" in keeping some information "need to know". 
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Starchasm

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #46 on: April 05, 2010, 02:35:33 PM »
An unfortunate choice of words.  That's all it was.  This thread is being derailed.

POD, sheesh.

rashea

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #47 on: April 05, 2010, 03:59:11 PM »
An unfortunate choice of words.  That's all it was.  This thread is being derailed.

POD, sheesh.

Sorry. I am offended, stated so, and someone asked why. Since this thread is about being offended by being invited to an "accessories" party I guess I don't see it as being all that far off to be offended by a poor choice of words in rejecting that party.

We often seem to say, having an objection to something is fine, but stating it in a way that is offensive is not fine.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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Starchasm

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #48 on: April 05, 2010, 04:36:11 PM »
An unfortunate choice of words.  That's all it was.  This thread is being derailed.

POD, sheesh.

Sorry. I am offended, stated so, and someone asked why. Since this thread is about being offended by being invited to an "accessories" party I guess I don't see it as being all that far off to be offended by a poor choice of words in rejecting that party.

We often seem to say, having an objection to something is fine, but stating it in a way that is offensive is not fine.

But she apologized and explained what she meant.  Several times.  Being offended is fine, but when the offense takes over the thread then I think that's just as bad and should be taken to PMs so people who actually want to discuss the topic at hand can do so.

The story is about someone ambushing co-workers with a sex-toy party, not whether or not someone on page 3 implied it's wrong to use them.


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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #49 on: April 05, 2010, 06:02:40 PM »
Ambushing people with a sales party...EWWW.  I wouldn't want co-workers to even have a teensy hint that I could be the type of person to do that.

...

This is the part where we all laugh and move right along...

  :-X
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Shoo

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #50 on: April 05, 2010, 08:20:01 PM »
An unfortunate choice of words.  That's all it was.  This thread is being derailed.

POD, sheesh.

Sorry. I am offended, stated so, and someone asked why. Since this thread is about being offended by being invited to an "accessories" party I guess I don't see it as being all that far off to be offended by a poor choice of words in rejecting that party.

We often seem to say, having an objection to something is fine, but stating it in a way that is offensive is not fine.

By choosing to be offended, you are indicating that you do not give Ehelldame the benefit of the doubt regarding her wording.  If the wording was simply a poor choice and not indicative of some greater bias, then what is the alternative?  That it *is* proof of an intent to disparage others.  I doubt most of us would go so far as to accuse the owner of Etiquette Hell of intentionally offending people.

And now I'm annoyed with myself for contributing to the derailment of this thread.

rashea

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #51 on: April 05, 2010, 08:39:52 PM »
An unfortunate choice of words.  That's all it was.  This thread is being derailed.

POD, sheesh.

Sorry. I am offended, stated so, and someone asked why. Since this thread is about being offended by being invited to an "accessories" party I guess I don't see it as being all that far off to be offended by a poor choice of words in rejecting that party.

We often seem to say, having an objection to something is fine, but stating it in a way that is offensive is not fine.

By choosing to be offended, you are indicating that you do not give Ehelldame the benefit of the doubt regarding her wording.  If the wording was simply a poor choice and not indicative of some greater bias, then what is the alternative?  That it *is* proof of an intent to disparage others.  I doubt most of us would go so far as to accuse the owner of Etiquette Hell of intentionally offending people.

And now I'm annoyed with myself for contributing to the derailment of this thread.

I don't see the thread as derailed. So maybe that's part of the problem. I don't think anyone on this site thinks it's okay to spring sales parties on unsuspecting guests, especially "accessories" sales parties, and especially your co-workers. So it's not like there was a whole lot to discuss there. And the whole thing was posted. Not just the story, so to me, that means that it's all open to discussion. You would certainly be welcome to start a thread that was only the story. And I would have dropped it if you hadn't posted your "sheesh". I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish with that.

I'm not choosing to be offended. I'm choosing to acknowledge that it was a poor choice of words that I found offensive. The Dame has not, as Starchasm said, come to clarify her own words. She has not apologized for them. So I am interpreting the words as offensive, and would appreciate clarification, but accept that I will not get it.

As for the Dame intentionally offending people. No, I don't think that that was her aim in this case. I do think that she's human, and she chose words badly, and they are offensive. In the same way that if I make a mistake in choosing my words and someone points out that they could be offensive, I apologize, and I learn, and maybe I choose a different word next time. This site is not simply about thinking that everything the Dame says is perfect. She's a human being. And even if she were perfect at all times and you don't think that using "type" is offensive, someone may have actually learned in this thread that some people would see that as a bad choice of words and take offense. That's the point of this forum. To learn what people do and do not think is rude. So you may not see it as offensive, but perhaps you can recognize that I and several others do, and maybe you (general) will choose a different word in the future.
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Shoo

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #52 on: April 05, 2010, 08:44:22 PM »
And I would have dropped it if you hadn't posted your "sheesh". I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish with that.


I think you are confusing my post with another's.

rashea

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #53 on: April 05, 2010, 08:55:01 PM »
And I would have dropped it if you hadn't posted your "sheesh". I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish with that.


I think you are confusing my post with another's.

I apologize, I got lost in the post tree.
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Shoo

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #54 on: April 05, 2010, 09:04:52 PM »
And I would have dropped it if you hadn't posted your "sheesh". I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish with that.


I think you are confusing my post with another's.

I apologize, I got lost in the post tree.

I had to go back and make sure, myself!

Jander

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #55 on: April 06, 2010, 03:53:18 AM »
An unfortunate choice of words.  That's all it was.  This thread is being derailed.

POD, sheesh.

Sorry. I am offended, stated so, and someone asked why. Since this thread is about being offended by being invited to an "accessories" party I guess I don't see it as being all that far off to be offended by a poor choice of words in rejecting that party.

We often seem to say, having an objection to something is fine, but stating it in a way that is offensive is not fine.

By choosing to be offended, you are indicating that you do not give Ehelldame the benefit of the doubt regarding her wording.  If the wording was simply a poor choice and not indicative of some greater bias, then what is the alternative?  That it *is* proof of an intent to disparage others.  I doubt most of us would go so far as to accuse the owner of Etiquette Hell of intentionally offending people.

And now I'm annoyed with myself for contributing to the derailment of this thread.

Really? I've seen a number of comments from Ehelldame which, if posted by someone else, would be considered deliberately offensive. I have also noticed a judgmental attitude from her that other posters have been reprimanded for.
This is her forum and she can behave as she wishes, but some members seem to believe that she is a perfect model of politeness, which is not true for anyone.

Sharnita

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #56 on: April 06, 2010, 11:57:57 AM »
It's not that I'm not striving to not be offended. It's that even with that, I find the statement offensive. It's not so bad that I would leave the forum, or set up a campaign, or even ask for an apology. I'm giving feedback that I, and others, find this offensive, and pointing out what makes it so. You don't have to find it offensive for me to feel that way. And I do know what she was trying to say. I'm pointing out that the way she chose to express herself is offensive to me, and could potentially be taken badly by others.

I just don't get being offended that there are people out there who don't want others to know the details of their sex life.

I'm not offended that people don't want others to know the details about their sex life. I don't share that information with co-workers. I'm offended that apparently there is a "type of person that uses sex toys" and that that is a negative thing. Part of it is that "type" usually means that there is a stereotype. So saying, "I don't want someone to think I'm the type of person who does x" usually means that x is something the person considers morally negative (or at least is concerned it will be seen that way).

I don't see "type" of saying that I don't want to be seen as that "type" as bad.  I am no the type of person to run a marathon, paint a painting, sing Karaoke, buy a luxury car.  I hope my friends and even my co-workers have picked up on these things because a clear picture of who I am could avoid awkward conversations and also means that they know me and like me for who I am.

rashea

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #57 on: April 06, 2010, 12:10:35 PM »
It's not that I'm not striving to not be offended. It's that even with that, I find the statement offensive. It's not so bad that I would leave the forum, or set up a campaign, or even ask for an apology. I'm giving feedback that I, and others, find this offensive, and pointing out what makes it so. You don't have to find it offensive for me to feel that way. And I do know what she was trying to say. I'm pointing out that the way she chose to express herself is offensive to me, and could potentially be taken badly by others.

I just don't get being offended that there are people out there who don't want others to know the details of their sex life.

I'm not offended that people don't want others to know the details about their sex life. I don't share that information with co-workers. I'm offended that apparently there is a "type of person that uses sex toys" and that that is a negative thing. Part of it is that "type" usually means that there is a stereotype. So saying, "I don't want someone to think I'm the type of person who does x" usually means that x is something the person considers morally negative (or at least is concerned it will be seen that way).

I don't see "type" of saying that I don't want to be seen as that "type" as bad.  I am no the type of person to run a marathon, paint a painting, sing Karaoke, buy a luxury car.  I hope my friends and even my co-workers have picked up on these things because a clear picture of who I am could avoid awkward conversations and also means that they know me and like me for who I am.

True, but in our culture, scrabble is a moral thing, where painting is generally not. But if you said "I don't want anyone to think I'm the type of person who would but a luxury car" some people will take that as a judgement (in part because to some people there is a moral value there). The issue is using type in and area where morals are already at play.
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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #58 on: April 06, 2010, 12:21:57 PM »
At the risk of derailing further...

It's threads like this that have ruined the actual game of Scrabble™ for me.  =)  I see it, and can't help thinking "Oh yeah that's right, I've got seven tiles of love for you!" and "Yes!  Triple Word Score me!"

Ahem.  ::Blush::

We now return to the conversation, already in progress.
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nyarlathotep

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Re: Bridal Shower: sex toy sales shower
« Reply #59 on: April 06, 2010, 12:23:13 PM »
Really? I've seen a number of comments from Ehelldame which, if posted by someone else, would be considered deliberately offensive. I have also noticed a judgmental attitude from her that other posters have been reprimanded for.
This is her forum and she can behave as she wishes, but some members seem to believe that she is a perfect model of politeness, which is not true for anyone.

POD. Thank you. One of the most important things I have learnt from this site is that nobody should be 'above' following the rules of etiquette as far as they are capable. Refusing to hold Ehelldame to this rule is silly and perhaps even a bit patronising, although I would not want to speak for her opinion.

I think using the phrase "that type of person", in this particular context, can have offensive connotations. I don't know if the OP meant it that way, but I can definitely understand why it is offensive.

I think the word "slut" is about a thousand times worse, but that's a matter for another forum.