Author Topic: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?  (Read 4536 times)

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Evil Duckie

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Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« on: March 28, 2007, 03:57:10 PM »
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« Last Edit: October 30, 2011, 05:31:19 PM by Evil Duckie »

Harriet Jones

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2007, 04:04:43 PM »
 ???  Control freak much?

As the host you certainly have the right to serve whatever you want. 

lkl492

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2007, 04:11:34 PM »
How ridiculous!  If he wants to set the menu he can host the dinner!

jais

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2007, 04:14:08 PM »
How ridiculous!  If he wants to set the menu he can host the dinner!

ITA!  Or I'd ask how early he'll be at your house to make it that morning!  "As the head of the family." what a pompous......... :o

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2007, 04:17:46 PM »
Nice response. Perfectly polite, and you retain rightful control. 

good for you!
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Sibby

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2007, 04:18:43 PM »
Your FIL is wrong - he is not "head of the family" at least not yours.  He is perhaps "head of his household" but when his son married you he vowed to forsake all others - including his parents.  
Your DH is a grown man with his own household now, and you are the woman of the house and the host of the holiday.  You do what you and your DH see fit your home and your FIl an do as he [and his spouse] see fit in their household.

To avoid conflict in the future though, you might want to adopt the vague phrase "Hmmm, great idea, I'll keep that in mind." and do it... keep his menu in mind as you cook your own.

Lisbeth

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2007, 07:00:10 PM »
Nope, the host/ess always sets the menu, not the guests (except for medical or religious needs).

Your FIL needs to back off and respect your boundaries.  I'd tell him, "Only the persons giving and paying for the dinner get to decide what is served.  And only we get to give dinners in our own home.  We are the 'heads of the family' in our house, and you, as our guest, are there on our sufferance only."
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Mikayla

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2007, 07:19:37 PM »
I think your response to talk to "his son" was perfect.  This sounds like an issue that might crop up in other areas, and your husband needs to nip it in the bud -- with his father.

(This assumes that your hubby gets it.  If not, then it's a whole separate problem).

Good luck with this!

sammycat

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2007, 08:15:32 PM »
Is this man for real??!!   :o :o  WHat a pompous jerk!  I hope your DH put him right.

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2007, 12:00:05 AM »
"Head of the Family"

After you got over the shock, were you able to keep yourself from laughing until you hung up the phone?

Secondly, assuming you've been his DIL for a while now, does he pull this kind of crap often?  If so, how do you stand it?

Buffy2424

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2007, 12:04:06 AM »
Gross, your FIL apparently thinks you honor and obey him.  I'd keep that relationship distant.

Alida

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #11 on: March 29, 2007, 01:20:05 AM »
DH has invited FIL and SMIL over for Easter dinner.

Well FIL called this morning and he has decided that what I am going to prepare for Easter Dinner. Unfortunately it is not what I am planning. We also will have other guests as well.

When I told him that we already have the menu planned he got mad and told me that since he was the "head of the family" he had the right to set the menu for all family dinners. I told him to talk to his son abut it.

I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years. :o

"Great, FIL.  Just so you know, my charge to cater a meal like that is $30 per person.  Would you like to pay cash or check?"

ettacat

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #12 on: March 29, 2007, 09:30:34 AM »
DH has invited FIL and SMIL over for Easter dinner.

Well FIL called this morning and he has decided that what I am going to prepare for Easter Dinner. Unfortunately it is not what I am planning. We also will have other guests as well.

When I told him that we already have the menu planned he got mad and told me that since he was the "head of the family" he had the right to set the menu for all family dinners. I told him to talk to his son abut it.

I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years. :o


That would never fly in my home. I would have said, "Well then, YOU plan the menu, buy all of the food, cook it, serve, and clean up, because this lady is not doing it."

But then, I bet he doesn't do anything but sit on his butt at the gatherings, like at my DH's family gatherings, right? Typical "men work sooooo hard", so they don't have to cook, clean or watch their own kids.

I absolutely hate family gatherings because of those issues. If I wanted to spend several hours chasing our toddler and middle autistic son, serving food and cleaning up, I would have stayed home.

Jaywalker

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2007, 11:03:14 AM »
your response is okay as long as you talk with your husband and make sure he knows that you have no intention of allowing his father to run your household

nip this one in the bud -- you should have a sort of 'you've got to be kidding demeanor' if he brings it up again -- and a no nonsense -- 'my dinner, my menu' position

of course if you know there is a particular side dish he likes at Easter, including that is charming -- but other than that -- be charming, be pleasant and serve what you want to serve

I'd be inclined to say something like 'well bless your heart, isn't that cute that you think so' if he gives you the 'head of family' routine again ---

is this SOP for him or is this an early sign of Alzheimer's?

Venus193

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2007, 11:08:06 AM »
I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years. :o

Your impression is correct; your FIL is a pompous control freak or a fugitive from the Victorian era.  I hope your DH gave him a piece of your mind.