Author Topic: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?  (Read 4613 times)

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Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #15 on: March 29, 2007, 11:57:14 AM »
DH has invited FIL and SMIL over for Easter dinner.

Well FIL called this morning and he has decided that what I am going to prepare for Easter Dinner. Unfortunately it is not what I am planning. We also will have other guests as well.

When I told him that we already have the menu planned he got mad and told me that since he was the "head of the family" he had the right to set the menu for all family dinners. I told him to talk to his son abut it.

I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years. :o

yes you do get to decide what to make if he wants to have a certain menu served then he should host the event

Shay

Evil Duckie

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #16 on: March 30, 2007, 08:24:46 PM »
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« Last Edit: October 30, 2011, 05:32:16 PM by Evil Duckie »

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #17 on: March 31, 2007, 09:26:49 AM »
Mom of Boys :

has anyone actually thought to tell FIL why No-one sees him any more.  That it's his Control Freak ways mean he will die lonely ?

One person I know was/is a control freak too.
I always answered her question as to why no-one comes to see her any more with,

"Well why would they, Blah blah blah", and told her, in a pleasant voice, exactly why, She was a monopolising, control freak, with Narcisstic tenancies.

It didn't stop her complaining to others, but, she did stop complaining to me :))

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Emmy

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #18 on: March 31, 2007, 10:49:26 AM »
I agree that FIL is very rude by demanding a certain menu (for YOU to cook, clean, and by groceries for) and then getting mad when you decide not to cater to his whims.  FIL will be a guest in your home, he is not the head of your household and has no authority to make demands about the menu or anything else in your house.  Either FIL should eat what is served or not come to dinner at your house.  I wonder what life is like for his poor wife.

I feel your answer about talking to his son was a good one.  Hopefully your DH will stand up for you in this matter.

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #19 on: April 02, 2007, 05:19:25 PM »
they are now giving us well maybe if nothing else comes up.

This is when you then say, "We'll take that as a "no", then as I can't properly prepare a dinner for guests who may or may not show up and who can't commit ahead of time."

loopey2u

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2007, 08:52:26 PM »
One of my SIL's (We'll call her cheap SIL for the rest of the story) tried that at Christmastime when my other SIL offered to host the holiday but could only serve tacos as the main dish due to financial difficulties. 

The rest of the family was totally fine with that.  We knew their situation, and that SIL really wanted to have the day at her home.  Everybody else agreed to bring the appetizers, desserts and beverages to help out with the costs, and we were all looking forward to getting together.
It's not about the food anyways, right?

The one who complained (cheap SIL) wanted a sit down dinner, as tacos weren't a "proper Christmas dinner" but never has parties herself unless they're ones that she'll make a profit from and didn't offer to host this holiday. When she does have the gift grabs (birthday parties/confirmation/communion), she is very cheap with the food and beverages.  She is not one to ensure her guests get enough to eat nor does she care about the guests food preferances at all.
 
Cheap SIL threw a @#$% fit, but never offered to host the holiday herself.  They grudgingly went, and were served tacos.  Cheap SIL didn't bring anything with her either.  I'm sure the only reason they showed up is so that her kids got their gifts.

The last party cheap SIL threw was last month for her daughters confirmation.  For about 20 adults there were 2 large pizzas, a tray of cucumber sandwiches and a jar of salsa and chips.  Oh yeah, there was pop too. 

We left hungry, and aren't making the 4 hour drive next time she has a party.

Venus193

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #21 on: April 02, 2007, 09:51:20 PM »
This cheap SIL sounds a lot like my late mother in the attitude about cheap food (I once posted about this).  The big difference is that for all my mother hated entertaining because of her own financial challenges, she would never have been cheap about the food. 

2 pizzas and cucumber sandwiches for 20 adults?  That is absolutely shameful.

Sophia

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2007, 09:57:10 PM »
2 pizzas and cucumber sandwiches for 20 adults?  That is absolutely shameful.
FH would say "That is enough for me.  What is everyone else going to eat."

loopey2u

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2007, 06:47:04 AM »
Yeah.  It was pitiful.

And really, it's not about the food.  We don't care what you have, please just have enough or tell us all to bring something if you're short on cash.  Really, we don't mind.

minnaloushe

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #24 on: April 04, 2007, 03:14:51 PM »
DH has invited FIL and SMIL over for Easter dinner.

Well FIL called this morning and he has decided that what I am going to prepare for Easter Dinner. Unfortunately it is not what I am planning. We also will have other guests as well.

When I told him that we already have the menu planned he got mad and told me that since he was the "head of the family" he had the right to set the menu for all family dinners. I told him to talk to his son abut it.

I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years. :o

I think your reply was perfect.

I would have started laughing hysterically and thanked him for telling me the funniest thing I'd heard all day.  I do that when presented with these sorts of outrageous demands which is probably why I rarely encounter them.  Most people who feel entitled to make those sorts of demands hate to be ridiculed because of them.  Okay, nobody likes to be laughed at, I know, but I refuse to treat that sort of silliness with anything less. I dance the razor's edge of polite behaviour at the best of times, things like this just push too far.

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #25 on: April 08, 2007, 08:58:21 PM »
Mom of Boys -- What ended up happening today with your dinner and FIL?

Gambitgirl

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #26 on: April 08, 2007, 11:33:35 PM »
um, he's not "head of the family" when he's coming to your and your DHs house. you and your DH are the heads of the family in your own house, i.e. you rules, your menu, your food. if he doesn't like it he can host Easter dinner at his house.

that's pretty darn nervy. and good job handing it off to your DH, it's def. his place to reign his dad in.

my one question is what does your MIL think? does she concur with FIL or did she not know he was doing this? if both of them think this i'd go ahead and put the foot down now on the "my house, my rules" issue.

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2007, 09:33:06 AM »
Bump for Mom of boys

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2007, 11:46:04 PM »
Bump diti Bump.

How did it go Mom of Boys ?

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twinkletoes

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Re: Doesn't the hostess set the menu?
« Reply #29 on: April 10, 2007, 09:21:13 AM »
"But then, I bet he doesn't do anything but sit on his butt at the gatherings, like at my DH's family gatherings, right? Typical "men work sooooo hard", so they don't have to cook, clean or watch their own kids.

I absolutely hate family gatherings because of those issues. If I wanted to spend several hours chasing our toddler and middle autistic son, serving food and cleaning up, I would have stayed home."

Agreed, Ettacat!  It's the same thing with my in-laws.  "Oh, the men just work soooo hard!  They are allowed to sit around while we women-folk cook and clean." 

It's really grating, especially as *I* work more than my husband.  Luckily, my husband is big on getting *everyone* to help out.