Author Topic: Thank you, someone else  (Read 3266 times)

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Ivy

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Thank you, someone else
« on: November 03, 2008, 09:17:13 AM »
I am sort of furious right now, and I'm not sure what to do. 

I had a laptop, two years old.  For the geeks, it's a 2gig processor, 2 gig ram 120 gig hard drive, webcam, lightscribe dl dvd burner, 802.11g--for the non-geeks, it's a sweet machine.  I had it tricked out with an InuYasha skin, so it's very distinctive.

J knew it was my machine.  He referred to it as "Ivy's laptop" a few hundred times. 

I needed to upgrade because I program and needed more hard drive space.  My laptop has to double as a web server and a SQL server.  My old machine was perfect for a regular user, which J is, so I spent a day cleaning it out.  I got rid of the development tools, the server tools, the programs he wouldn't use, and the documents he didn't need.  I ran all the updates.  I paid to renew the anti-virus for a year.  I ran all the scans for viruses and spyware.  I defragmented the hard drive.  I spent hours setting up my old machine for him. 

When I gave it to him, he turned to my roommate and asked if it was her idea (I suppose because they're dating).  She said no.  He thanked her anyway.  Her response was, "I wanted to make you happy." 

I can't imagine what he was thinking, but I'm really upset. 

Shoo

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Re: Thank you, someone else
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2008, 09:22:06 AM »
Wait. Who is J and what is your relationship to him?

And unless he is your husband, or serious boyfriend, or a relative, why would you just give him your computer? 

And after his (apparent) girlfriend took credit for YOUR gift of a computer, I hope you spoke up and cleared up that little misunderstanding.  In fact, I hope you took the computer back.  That's just ridiculous.

And if you did not, why not?

You left a lot of unanswered questions in your post. 

Ivy

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Re: Thank you, someone else
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2008, 09:31:11 AM »
He's a longstanding friend.  I gave it to him because I had upgraded, so I didn't really need it.  Sure, I could have sold it, but I thought to be nice with the hand-me-down technology.  I tried to clear it up, but that was hard without being too pushy, and no, I didn't take it back. 

Shoo

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Re: Thank you, someone else
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2008, 09:34:12 AM »
Too pushy?  Is this too pushy, do you think?

"Wait!  You're  misunderstanding, J.  This computer is from *me*.  Gf has nothing to do with it.  I'm giving it to you because I upgraded, and thought you could use this one."

Then, if a sincere apology for the misunderstanding from BOTH of them isn't forthcoming, along with an even more sincere thank you for the generous gift, I would consider this longstanding friendship over.

CarolinaEmerald

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Re: Thank you, someone else
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2008, 12:36:47 PM »
I too pass along hand-me-down technology.  My husband and I are in the habit of upgrading every couple of years.  Since he writes, I usually buy him a new machine, I get his old one, then I pass along my machine to friends or family.  (I am the breadwinner in our household - DH is disabled and doesn't try to publish what he writes - so I buy all the new technology and set things up).

I always make sure my information and programs have been cleared from the hard drive, update all security and other programs and even make sure that software of interest to the recipient is on it, as well as make sure that wallpapers and screensavers are something the recipient would like.  I even install a program to rotate wallpapers so that more than one can be used.

I can't tell you how many times my DH has been thanked for the gift computer instead of me, even though I'm the one who has done all the work and decided who will get the computer.  DH says that the thank you's are really for both of us, but sometimes I just want to say "look, I did all the work on the thing and you wouldn't have gotten it if it hadn't been my idea."  Of course, that would be rude, but it still is irritating, and I have not yet found a graceful way to get the credit for the work.
Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt.

I'mnotinsane

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Re: Thank you, someone else
« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2008, 09:58:21 PM »
"Oh roommate is giving you a computer?  I'll give this one to someone else who can use it!"

Polly

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Re: Thank you, someone else
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2008, 09:12:47 AM »
I suppose it is too late to address this now. It would irk me and I would want it set straight though. You could always ask him how he is getting on with it  - 'Is it working ok for you, I hope you like what **I** set up' kind of thing. But it might be a little late to address this now without sounding PA. Weird though that your room mate jsut accepted the credit like that. Was she joking??