Author Topic: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!  (Read 4647 times)

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sparksals

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2007, 02:50:16 PM »
I would have been annoyed too.  Especially since your way, i.e. leaving the meat to cook under a closed lid, is better than her way of fiddling with it and letting the heat escape.  I would figure her to be a control freak before I would feel insulted though. 

Never looked at it from that point of view.  I have to admit, I'm a control freak when it comes to cooking and having guests over.  I like things a certain way, I prefer people not to help in the kitchen because it interferes with my "system".  Whenever people ask if they can help, I politely refuse and tell them to have a seat and we can chat while I'm getting everything ready. 


magdalena

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #16 on: April 02, 2007, 05:35:03 AM »
Gah--I'm on the other side of that situation.  I'm a classically-trained chef and I still enjoy taking regular courses through a local chef school.  The number of times I've been invited to dinner as a guest, and wound up stuck in the kitchen all night are legion. 

I have 1 friend who loves to do this.
She'll even try calling me up last minute when she's invited people over and realizes she has no idea what and how to cook.
I don't go over anymore.



Suze

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #17 on: April 02, 2007, 06:10:24 AM »
Gah--I'm on the other side of that situation.  I'm a classically-trained chef and I still enjoy taking regular courses through a local chef school.  The number of times I've been invited to dinner as a guest, and wound up stuck in the kitchen all night are legion. 

I have 1 friend who loves to do this.
She'll even try calling me up last minute when she's invited people over and realizes she has no idea what and how to cook.
I don't go over anymore.

I would -  Let's see a Kraft dinner might be good for supper, maybe with a peanut butter and jelly sandwifh

Bet she would never ask again
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magdalena

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #18 on: April 02, 2007, 10:46:18 AM »
Gah--I'm on the other side of that situation.  I'm a classically-trained chef and I still enjoy taking regular courses through a local chef school.  The number of times I've been invited to dinner as a guest, and wound up stuck in the kitchen all night are legion. 

I have 1 friend who loves to do this.
She'll even try calling me up last minute when she's invited people over and realizes she has no idea what and how to cook.
I don't go over anymore.

I would -  Let's see a Kraft dinner might be good for supper, maybe with a peanut butter and jelly sandwifh

Bet she would never ask again

The real trouble is: she buys the stuff, sets in on the vounter and the moment I walk in: "oh, Madga, honey, you know I've got chicken, tomatoes, tagliatelle... what do you think would be the best thing to make?" I tell her I've no idea. She keeps bugging until I'm in the kitchen and all of a sudden she asks me how she could help...

she also calls me from the supermarket if she is to bake/cook something on her own because "you probably know how to make this that or the other" or "I loved your cake, how do you make it?"

She's one of the kind.
For dinner, she's welcome to my place. I enjoy cooking. In MY kitchen.



Evil Duckie

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #19 on: April 02, 2007, 12:12:47 PM »
I went back and reread my comment and it was sterner than I meant.

I would not be insulted if someone offered to help. Then I have the option of accepting it or declining it. To just take over is rude.

We do have friends over and often it is everyone helps, but there are times when it is not an everyone helps.

Too many cooks can ruin the meal.

Sophia

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2007, 12:21:00 PM »
I have offered to help, and had the offer accepted.  But it always non-critical things.  Chopping stuff, tenderizing the chicken with forks, carrying stuff to the table.  Never anything critical. 

caranfin

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #21 on: April 02, 2007, 02:22:51 PM »
I wouldn't take it as a generous offer to help you with an unpleasant task. Presumably, if you found cooking burgers so unpleasant, you wouldn't have decided to do it. I would take it as an aggressive move - perhaps to show how "helpful" she is, or what a good cook she is. If she really wanted to help you, she would have asked you first, instead of just taking over.
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Deetee

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2007, 05:32:17 PM »

but why choose to be 'insulted' instead of just assuming they were trying to be helpful AND then communicating to them that you preferred that they leave it to you

..... --- guest is wrong here -- but not necessarily trying to insult anyone

the world would be a better place if insult were not our first response to slight differences in perceptions of appropriate behavior


I strongly agree. Communicating with the guest, rather than stewing over an "insult" that was likely just mislaid helpfulness is a nicer time for everyone.

mchernan

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2007, 05:49:57 AM »
Being a novice at anything other than extremely casual entertaining, I would be thrilled to have somebody help out.  I also would only have guests over who would be that comfortable at my house.  "Hey you want to watch the burgers in this heat?, Let me get you a cold beverage and I'll keep working in the kitchen or socialze here on the porch with you and my good friends!".
 I would say "Thank you" and not be offended. 

sparksals

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2007, 02:24:40 PM »
I wouldn't take it as a generous offer to help you with an unpleasant task. Presumably, if you found cooking burgers so unpleasant, you wouldn't have decided to do it. I would take it as an aggressive move - perhaps to show how "helpful" she is, or what a good cook she is. If she really wanted to help you, she would have asked you first, instead of just taking over.

Yes!  I guess I wasn't too clear in my OP.  I certainly don't find cooking burgers unpleasant b/c then I wouldn't have served them for guests.  This was a casual BBQ and was meant to catch up without me having to spend too much time on preparation.

I think that is what bothered me the most.  She just up and took over the cooking without asking first.  Then, I felt out of place getting up to continue cooking since she was doing it.  Had I done that, I think I would have felt like *I* was taking over and sending a message I didn't appreciate her gesture, however it was meant.  If that makes sense.

sparksals

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2007, 02:27:37 PM »
Being a novice at anything other than extremely casual entertaining, I would be thrilled to have somebody help out.  I also would only have guests over who would be that comfortable at my house.  "Hey you want to watch the burgers in this heat?, Let me get you a cold beverage and I'll keep working in the kitchen or socialze here on the porch with you and my good friends!".
 I would say "Thank you" and not be offended. 

Actually, I wouldn't mind that scenario at all if I had asked for her help or if she asked if she could.  She just got up and completely took over the cooking to the point I felt awkward about saying anything so as not to make her think I didn't appreciate her cooking. 

ZipTheWonder

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2007, 09:24:28 PM »
I had the BBQ on low and just put the burgers and sausage on, closed the lid to allow them to cook and sat down to further socialize.  That is when she got up, opened the lid and started fiddling with everything. 

I would be worrying that she is one of those people can't just let burgers cook, someone who just HAS to smoosh all the juice out of them.  Someone who cannot, for the life of her, figure out why you served hockey pucks at a BBQ.

Sophia

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #27 on: April 04, 2007, 12:57:31 AM »
I had the BBQ on low and just put the burgers and sausage on, closed the lid to allow them to cook and sat down to further socialize.  That is when she got up, opened the lid and started fiddling with everything. 

I would be worrying that she is one of those people can't just let burgers cook, someone who just HAS to smoosh all the juice out of them.  Someone who cannot, for the life of her, figure out why you served hockey pucks at a BBQ.


Oh, I hate that!  If I am a guest, and I have a choice, I always go for the sausage because you never know who is a smoosher.  Of course, then I run the risk of them punching holes in the sausage. 

sparksals

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #28 on: April 04, 2007, 01:02:42 AM »
I had the BBQ on low and just put the burgers and sausage on, closed the lid to allow them to cook and sat down to further socialize.  That is when she got up, opened the lid and started fiddling with everything. 

I would be worrying that she is one of those people can't just let burgers cook, someone who just HAS to smoosh all the juice out of them.  Someone who cannot, for the life of her, figure out why you served hockey pucks at a BBQ.


Oh, I hate that!  If I am a guest, and I have a choice, I always go for the sausage because you never know who is a smoosher.  Of course, then I run the risk of them punching holes in the sausage. 


Sophia, you'd be happy to know that I'm neither a smoosher nor a poker!  But the friend who did the cooking was.   ::)

Sophia

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Re: Come over for dinner and take over the cooking!
« Reply #29 on: April 04, 2007, 01:10:32 AM »
I had the BBQ on low and just put the burgers and sausage on, closed the lid to allow them to cook and sat down to further socialize.  That is when she got up, opened the lid and started fiddling with everything. 

I would be worrying that she is one of those people can't just let burgers cook, someone who just HAS to smoosh all the juice out of them.  Someone who cannot, for the life of her, figure out why you served hockey pucks at a BBQ.


Oh, I hate that!  If I am a guest, and I have a choice, I always go for the sausage because you never know who is a smoosher.  Of course, then I run the risk of them punching holes in the sausage. 


Sophia, you'd be happy to know that I'm neither a smoosher nor a poker!  But the friend who did the cooking was.   ::)

So, she was presumptuous, AND she ruined your meat?   I think thats a shooting offense around here.  (Kidding, kidding)