General Etiquette > Family and Children

Need help with family and gifts...

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MomOf2Boys:
This year my brother and I agreed to skip buying gifts for each other and just focus on the kids. He has 5 kids (though he only buys for 2 because he has no rights to the other 3) and my other brother has 4 (he is in jail but he only buys for 2 when he does buy) then when you add in my hubbys 3 nieces & nephews that is a lot of gifts to buy. I only have 2 kids but I do buy for ALL my nieces and nephews regardless of my brothers standing in their life.

Well I just got a call from brothers girlfriend (who was one of my best friends before they got involved but that is another story) and she had just heard from my mom that brother and I aren't buying for each other. Her call was basically "I have always bought for you and your family even before "brother" and I got involved and I can't stop now." So, it appears that I am "expected" to continue a tradition that her and I started 10 years ago when our relationship was a lot different than it is now. I suppose I could deal with that but it seems rather tacky to buy a gift for my brothers gf but not for him (especially since he works and she doesn't so basically he will be buying the gift). Any ideas?

LibraryLady:
It sounds like she is kind of blackmailing you.  Just a simple statement that with downturn in economy, the moon being blue - whatever - you have decided to cut things back.  If she gets you something, OK.  Take her out for a drink or meet and go shopping. 

I have (slowly but surely) accepted that some people will get you a gift even after agreement was made not to.  Don't feel guilty that you are following the agreement, but s/he is not.

HTH
LibraryLady

Chocolate Cake:
At the time she called, how did you respond?  Did you say, "Don't buy for me or hubby because I'm only giving to the kids this year"?   

Minmom3:
<<Any ideas?>>

Yeah, tell her your Christmas list has grown enormously since you two starting gift exchanges 10 years ago, and you can't afford to buy for every adult you have in your family now, so you don't buy for people with children anymore, you only get things for the children themselves (and, in my own case, the child-free adults). 

Things change, and she shouldn't pout about it.

audhs:
I'd just buy for the kids and act like I hadn't heard her demand a gift from you.  If she wants to buy you a gift that's her perogitive but just because you used to always buy her gifts in no way means you have to continue buying her gifts.

We do not give so we will get. (or we shouldn't)

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