Office matchmaking

[supotco]

I am both livid and embarrassed.

Two of my colleagues, whom I shall name A and L, got it into their head that I am interested in M, the IT manager. M is a nice enough guy, but I am not attracted to him, and every time A and L have brought it up I have said this.

Well, A and L obviously decided they knew better than I did what I think, and told M I was interested in him. M then approached me this evening, and had to be told that unfortunately, he had got the wrong idea.

A and L then received an earbashing from me. M doesn't deserve to be embarrassed. Neither, come to think of it, do I.

[sotadragon]

Wow.  I'm sorry that happened to you.  And to M.  Could A and L be a little bit more jr high about this???    I didn't think adults acted like that, especially at work!

[Clara Bow]

I don't mean to go off half-cocked here, but sexual harrassment much? Their behavior was WAY over the line and I think I'd have a talk with the boss about putting the kibosh on it in the future....

[supernova]

Wow.     Two, two, two faux pas in one! 

That was a rude and thoughtless thing to have done to you.  And it was a heartbreakingly embarrassing thing to have done to M.  Worse, it will color your working relationship with him, and he will be hard pressed not to believe that A. and L. were having a little joke at his expense.

These two junior-high-school refugees could really use a clue-by-four.  I'm so sorry this happened to you!

     - saphie

[blue2000]

I think they should get more than an ear-bashing for this. But ::sigh:: that would be rude.
Their behaviour is bad enough *out* of the office. In a work environment, this is just inexcusable. You might want to go to your supervisor, or HR, just to make sure these twits got the message.

[IndianInlaw]

Hopefully, poor M gave them a few well chosen words too.

Yes, HR needs to be informed of this transgression.

It's your job...you don't need this nonsense.

[blarg314]

How old are these people?  Based on their behaviour, I'd guess about thirteen.

I think this is definitely something that should be reported - it's juvenile, it's interfering and it's adversely affecting your working relationship with another coworker.  Quizzing a coworker on their romantic feelings for other coworkers is inappropriate in the first place and could be construed as harassment, attempting to meddle in it and stir up trouble is way over the line. 

Basically, they've made up lies about you and spread them to other people in the office in a way that makes you and your coworker uncomfortable.  Even if you did have an interest in your coworker, it's not their place to be acting as some sort of misguided matchmaker.

[Lisbeth]

I'd tell your boss and HR.  Matchmaking is not an appropriate professional activity.

Once you said "no" to A and L, that should have been the end of it.  As you said, you and M don't need that kind of embarrassment.

[Pixie]

I'd tell your boss and HR.  Matchmaking is not an appropriate professional activity.

Once you said "no" to A and L, that should have been the end of it.  As you said, you and M don't need that kind of embarrassment.

I totally agree.  It was not appropriate, and very unprofessional.    If I were in charge of the world, that behavior would not be allowed.  Not even in Junior high.

[supotco]

I am deputy head of a department in which A and L do not work. The fact that I have chewed them out will count negatively in their next reviews.

I am baffled. Baffled, I tell you. Among the many things of which I informed them (their officiousness, meddling, inability to exercise discretion and sheer bloody nerve), I also observed that I am 30 (not 13) and M is, I think, 34. If we had a mutual inclination, we could sort it out all by ourselves.

[jfulle5]

UUUGGGGGGGGGG
I hate when people try to set up something or get it in their head that you are attracted to someone when you're not.
I was fired from a job because the boss overheard there was "inappropriate" behavior between me and this other guy. He was engaged and so was I but we hung out after work sometimes.... Of course he wasnt fired though....

[Sirius]

I used to run into this sort of thing all the time, especially since I didn't get married until I was older.  When I was in my 20s I worked with someone who had gotten it into his wooly head that I was hot for him, when really I had no interest in him whatsoever.  He kept saying things to me (this was before sexual harassment became such an issue) and I got to use a few good one-liners, and eventually he was assigned overseas and I was thrilled.  For some reason people kept wanting to set me up with blind dates, but the only blind date I went on between the time I was 21 and the time I got married at 39 was set up by my mother and was a total disaster, and I swore that I'd never go on another.  Besides, people in their 30s should be able to sort things out for themselves.     

[Venus193]

Call me old-fashioned, but not only is this inappropriate for all the stated reasons, but I think it is very inappropriate for co-workers to date each other.

[blarg314]

I don't have problem with office romance if its done in an adult way.  You don't engage in affairs at work (no married people) and you don't date anyone who supervises you or whom you supervise.  Physical displays of affection, pet names, and other outward signs of romantic behavior are left at home (and that includes lunch breaks). If you break up or have an argument, that also stays at home - no sabotage, arguments in the break room, or bursting into tears when you see the other person. If you can't date someone under those requirements, then you shouldn't date someone at work.

I also think it's important to be selective - only date someone whom you've known for a while and trust to behave in a mature fashion.  Risking an uncomfortable work environment for a quick fling isn't worth it, but passing up a relationship with an eligible person you're compatible with and attracted to is not necessarily a good idea either. You also have to be tactful about asking someone out, and take no for an answer.

I'm in a field where you move fairly frequently and work long hours, often with quite a bit of travel, so most of my interaction is with people I meet professionally.  Meeting people outside work can be difficult, and in all honesty there are very few people willing to date female scientists other than male scientists. I'd say 80-90% of the married women in my field are married to other people in the field, or one closely related.

[Venus193]

I understand the long hours thing; my industry has been a prime offender for years.  However, I've seen too many of these situations blow up in someone's face to be willing to take a chance.

Having to face someone you broke up with on a daily basis is not something I can handle.  If that means I remain a corporate nun, so be it.